Trash
Notes Episode information
Credits Details & Cast
Intro "Something's different"
Act 1 "The famous wobbly-headed doll caper"
Act 2 "Shun-sheng duh gao-wahn"神圣的睾丸星期二
Holy testicle Tuesday
Act 3 "They killed Heinrich?"
Act 4 "A brilliant, beautiful, evil double-crossing snake."
 
 
Notes
Yeah... That went well
Travels:

They meet Monty on some unidentified moon. They pick up Bridget. She convinces them to rob the Lassiter on Bellerophon.

Time:

The meeting with Monty and Bridget, and Mal's asking Bridget what the heist is all happens on one day. The actual theft and escape also takes place in one day. We are told that Mal's meeting with Monty occurs 72 hours before Yo·Saff·Bridge abandons Mal naked in the Isis dessert.

The episode spans three days.

We also hear Mal tell Monty that he married Yo·Saff·Bridge "about a half year back".

Locations:

Everything occurs either on the unnamed moon or on Bellerophon.

Chinese:
 
 
Credits
Transcribed by: Elena B (modifications by me)
Original Air Date: Never aired
Written by: Jose Molina
Directed by: Vern Gillum
Franc Ross
Monty
Christina Hendricks
Bridget (Yolanda · Saffron)
Dwier Brown
Durran Haymer
John Eric Bentley
Police Sergeant
 
 
Intro
Something's different

EXT. WASTELAND - DAY
SLOW CAMERA PAN across a flat vista of shattered rock. Barren. Lunar. PAN ONTO a MAN seated a short distance away on the ground. His side is to us, and he is BUCK NAKED. It's Mal REYNOLDS. He lifts his head, nodding to himself as he takes in his surroundings.

Mal (flatly) Yeah... That went well

CUT TO BLACK:

TITLE APPEARS: "SEVENTY-TWO HOURS EARLIER..."

EXT. DUST PLANET - NIGHT
A LARGE CRATE slams down onto the ground, hard. The two smugglers who were hefting it straighten, turning to go. WIDEN to see that Mal stands close by, arms crossed. A PILE OF SIMILAR CRATES lies in the dust around Mal. Other SMUGGLERS carry more crates, adding to the pile. (All smugglers sport holstered firearms) They are ferrying them from the lowered FREIGHT PLATFORM of a SPACESHIP, which looms overhead. Chatter from men and women moving boxes.

VARIOUS OK, I got that end. All right, I got it. All right, all right. Right here.

(continues in background)

MONTY (O.S.) Malcolm Reynolds!

A VERY LARGE MAN steps off a ladder that goes up from the platform to the belly of the ship, beaming at Mal.

He's a big, gut-toting bear of a man. Not pretty. Not in the least. Think of a greasy Brad Garrett with bad teeth.

Monty You old son-of-a-- Com'ere! Mal Hey, Monty --

He sweeps a mildly protesting Mal up into a bear-hug, lifting him off his feet for a beat.

Mal (cont'd) (wheezes) How--you--do--in'

Monty releases him.

Monty They didn't tell me you were picking up this leg of the run. Mal Yeah, well, work's been a little slow lately. So I thought I'd do some honest smuggling between jobs. Monty Where's that sorry-ass ship a' yours?

As they speak, Monty's ND CREW continues off-loading the crates, passing in and out of frame.

Mal Monty, two boats like ours meeting on an empty rock like this, that screams contraband to the Feds. Or have you forgotten that time you got pinched on Beylix? Monty Always thinkin', ain't ya. Smarts. That's what you got. Smarts. Mal (shrugs) Now, OK, wait.

(looks closer at Monty)

Something's different. Something is... Monty (smiles proudly) Yup. Mal Something is, uh --

(Monty strokes his chin)

The beard! Oh! You shaved off your soup-catcher! Monty Yup. Mal Well, I thought you were gonna wear that ugly chin-wig to the grave -- Monty (chuckles) Yeah, so did I. But she didn't much like my whiskers... Mal She--? Monty (calls out) Oh. Bridgit!

(to Mal)

What the hell am I thinking? I got to introduce you to the missus! Mal Monty! You have fallen from our noble bachelor ranks? Monty I wasn't lookin' to, but she just sorta swept me off my feet. Bridgit!

A woman hurries to them obscured by the smuggly bustle.

Mal Ah, well, she must be a rare specimen indeed. Monty Yeah. Don't begin to cover it. Mal, I want you to meet my Bridgit.

And she steps out from behind Monty, smiling -- until she recognizes Mal. A beat as he and SAFFRON look at each other.

Saffron pulls a smuggler's gun from its holster, spins with the gun locked on Mal's head, just as Mal's gun is flashing from his holster, locked on hers -- a Woo-off. They are frozen, Monty right in the middle, nonplussed.

Monty (cont'd) So... you guys have met.

BLACK OUT

 
Act 1
The famous wobbly-headed doll caper

EXT. DUST PLANET - NIGHT
Right where we left off. Mal and Saffron sidestep, guns trained, slowly circling, very intense. Monty stands nearby, brow knitted with confusion.

Monty Mal -- why you got a piece trained on my wife? Mal She ain't your wife, Monty -- Monty Hunh? Married 'er, didn't I? Mal You ain't the only one.

Mal's cut off before he can finish, because in the instant Mal's eyes flick toward Monty, Saffron scissors up a high kick, knocks the gun out of Mal's hand. She has the drop on Mal for an instant, but doesn't fire. Mal lunges, sweeping her arm to the side, catching her wrist in his grip and squeezing hard. She drops his gun. Saffron throws her head forward, smashing into Mal's nose painfully.

Mal (cont'd) Gaaah! Monty Bridget!

Mal staggers back, buffeted by a series of punches from Saffron. Mal fires one punch back, catching her on the chin and knocking her to the ground.

Monty (cont'd) Mal!

She lands on her back, mostly unfazed, and instantly rolls for the gun a short distance away. Just as she almost reaches it, Mal sails in on top of her, tackling her flat.

Monty Bridget! Hey! Quit it, you two. Here now. Knock it off.

She swings an elbow back, hits the side of Mal's head hard. He reels, she rolls on top of him, hands around his throat. He does the same, and now they're strangling each other. They do this for a vicious beat, until --

Monty (O.S.) (roars) Gorramit! That's enough!

Monty's big hands drop into frame, lifting them both off the ground and pulling them apart. They're both breathless, Mal's got a BLOODY NOSE.

Monty What the hell is goin' on here? Whaddya mean she ain't my wife? Mal She ain't your wife...because she's married to me. Saffron (also huffing) Don't listen to him! Mal It's true. 'Bout half-a-year back, at the Triumph Settlement. Only, it wasn't "Bridgit" then. It was "Saffron." Well, she hitched me by surprise, got on my ship, and then tried to steal it out from under me... She is cold as ice and dead crazy on top of it. Saffron You're a liar, Malcolm Reynolds! Monty Now, I ain't never got to tellin' you his name.

Saffron drops all pretense -- the jig is up.

Saffron Hell. Fine. Be like that.

She pulls away from Monty and starts neatening herself up, brushing back her hair, wiping the dirt from her face.

CUT TO:

A4 EXT. DUST PLANET - NIGHT
MONTY'S SHIP as its engines FIRE UP, whipping a small cloud of dust around the tiny figures of Saffron and Mal.

Saffron stands with her arms crossed, looking up irritably, lit by the OS glare of the ship's lights. Mal is in the BG, with the crates. He dabs at his bloody nose with a white kerchief. Monty's voice echoes down over the SHIP'S LOUDSPEAKER, choked with hurt.

Monty (OS) Damn you, Bridget! Damn you to Hades! You broke my heart in a million pieces! You made me love you, and then you -- I SHAVED OFF MY BEARD FOR YOU, DEVIL WOMAN!

After a beat, a DUFFEL BAG drops into the frame from above, SLAMMING into the ground. The OS ship pulls away with a burst of engine thrust, the light from it fading.

Saffron (cont'd) Bun tyen-shung duh ee-dway-ro笨天生的一堆肉
Stupid inbred stack of meat
!

She moves to the duffel bag, crouches, unzips it, and roots around inside. The barrel of Mal's pistol enters frame, pressing against her temple.

Mal You're gonna wanna pull your claw out of that bag, nice and slow. Saffron Relax. I'm not going for a gun or anything.

She slowly pulls a small cylinder out of the bag, and shows it to him, cranking it. It's lipstick.

Saffron (cont'd) Just freshening up.

She's about to apply it when Mal snatches it and chucks it out into the OS desert.

Mal You and lipstick are a dangerous combination, if I recall.

(gestures with gun)

Turn around.

She does so, with some impatience. Mal moves in and frisks her, trying to be businesslike, but she responds in a way that crackles with sexual tension.

Saffron Oh... Yeah... Just like old times. Mal We don't have any old times. I just don't want you pullin' a pistol out of... of anywhere...

She writhes into him a little as he finishes frisking her.

Saffron (super sexy) Mmmm. You missed a spot...

Mal gives her a rough shove and she stumbles forward a step.

Mal Can't miss a place you've never been.

She is freaky -- turns to him not with anger, but with practiced emotion -- playing to Mal as if they have a troubled, but real marriage.

Saffron Marriage is hard work, Mal, I know it... That doesn't mean we should just give up...

(moves closer to him)

Sure, we've had our spats. Maybe I made some bad decisions along the way. Mal Oh, you are a tweaked one, you are. Saffron (smiles) But face it, hubby, I'm really hot. Mal Mmm huh.

(waves gun at her)

Start walkin'. Saffron Walking? Walking where? Mal Pick a direction. Just don't turn around. Saffron Come on, Mal. Mal This is my scrap of nowhere. You go on, find your own. Saffron You can't just leave me here, on this lifeless piece of crap moon... Mal I can. Saffron I'll die. Mal Well, as a courtesy, you might start getting busy on that, cause all this chatter ain't doin' me any kindness.

Saffron seems done with the full court press, more herself now.

Saffron Why don't you just go ahead and shoot me, then? Mal I dunno.

(thinks on this)

Why didn't you shoot me? Back when I took my eyes off you for a split? I'm shamed to say it, but I gave you the window. Saffron (condescending sigh) You and Monty fought in the war together, right?

(he nods)

Yeah, I smelled that. The war buddy bond's tough to crack. I knew that if I shot you I'd lose Monty anyways. You just had a better hand of cards this time. Mal It ain't a hand of cards. It's called a life. Saffron Seriously, Mal. You got to give me a ride. Mal (bitter laugh) Woman, you are completely off your nut. Saffron I won't make trouble. You can stick me in one of those crates if you like. Just don't leave me he-

Mal SHOOTS. A bullet kicks up the dust about three feet from her. A beat. She sticks out her tongue. ANOTHER BULLET kicks up dust, two feet away. Another beat. She bends, lifting one strap of her heavy bag. She starts dragging it off, struggling. Then she stops and turns again.

Saffron (cont'd) This was all your fault, you know. I had the perfect crime lined up. Mal Sure. You were going to steal a man's beard. SaffronNo, you hoe-tze duh pee-goo猴子的屁股
monkey's butt
! A million-square job. The big time. I was going to cut Monty and his crew in, but you screwed that royal.
Mal (raises gun again) Odd, but I don't think I'll be losing any sleep over it. Saffron I've got the layout, entrance codes, believe me, this practically robs itself. Mal Bye-bye now. Saffron I'm handing you a fortune on a gold platter, sweetheart! Don't you even want to hear the details?

Mal considers that for a beat, then looks at the kerchief, BLOODIED from his nose. He raises the gun again.

Serenity lands.

INT. SERENITY - CARGO BAY - NIGHT
Jayne walks up to the cargo bay door. Behind him, Book, Simon, Kaylee, and Zoe stand at the ready

The airlock opens, and the ramp beyond it starts to lower.

The lowering ramp reveals Mal, standing in front of the pile of crates, alone. He doesn't look too happy. He has a wadded up TWIST OF TORN KERCHIEF in each nostril, to stem the blood.

Jayne Whoa, cap... Don't tell me you got into a fight with Monty. Kaylee Oh, really? But I thought we loved Monty!

(to Zoe, sincere question)

We love Monty, don't we? Zoe Sweetie, he had a tussle with that sasquatch, we'd all be in the dirt right about now, scoopin' up the Captain's teeth.

Mal stomps up the ramp, holding them all in an even glare.

Zoe (cont'd) Ain't that so, sir? Mal You know what? I don't particular want to talk about it. We got work to do. Let's shut up and do it.

Zoe looks from the Captain to the others, then back, eyebrows raised. Wash comes down the cargo bay stairs closest to the bridge, stops by Mal.

Wash Inara was asking for you. Wanted to --

Mal walks away.

Wash (cont'd) So later with the talking then.

Wash walks down toward camera, mouthing words to Zoe and Book, who carry one of the crates up the ramp.

Wash (cont'd) (mouthed silently) 'What happened?'

EXT. SPACE
Just a stock shot of Serenity for transition please.

INT. SERENITY - Inara'S SHUTTLE
Mal enters Inara's chamber --

Mal Hear you're looking for me?

-- to find her seated, preparing tea. Her whole attitude is formal, yet inviting...

Inara I was. Care to sit?

He does, slowly.

Inara (cont'd) I was hoping we could talk a little business. Would you like some tea?

He stands again, less slowly.

Mal Okay, what's your game? Inara I offered you tea. Mal Uh-huh. After inviting me into your shuttle of your own free will, which makes two events without precedent, which makes me more'n a little skittish. Inara Honestly, Mal, if we can't be civilized and talk like- Mal I'm plenty civilized. You're using wiles on me. Inara I'm using what? Mal Your feminine wiles. Your Companion training, or some might say uncanny ability to make a man sweaty and/or compliant, of which I've had just about enough of today. Inara Maybe this isn't the best time. Mal No, no. This is a fine time. You just talk plainly, is all. Inara I'm not sleeping with you, Mal.

Beat.

Mal Uh, no, I think I would have noticed. I think my keenly trained senses would have... Inara You're not my lover. Neither are you my mother, my House Mistress nor anyone who has the slightest say in how I conduct my affairs. Mal Well enough. So? Inara So let me conduct my affairs! Mal Who's keeping you from conduct-- Inara I haven't had a client for three weeks. Backwater moons, slums, frontier planets without so much as a temple built -- Mal We go where the work is! Inara There's all kinds of work, Mal. Mal And ours is the kind that gets you shut down by the Alliance. I opt to stay off the radar. Inara There are plenty of worlds where both of us could work. We used to visit them, remember? Mal Ee-chee shung-hoo-shee一起深呼吸
Let's take a deep breath
. Are you saying I'm doing this deliberate on account of you? That there's some reason I want you off the job?
Inara Is there? Mal (laughs incredulously) This is one of the crazier things I've heard today and when I tell you about the rest of my day, you'll appreciate just -- Inara I'm not accusing you of anything, Mal, it's just -- Mal Hey, no, let's set a course for the Planet of the Lonely Rich yet Appropriately Hygienic Man. I'll tell Wash. We can park there for a month. Inara (rises as well) Not all of your work is illegal, Mal. And the best -- Mal You want to keep me off the job now? Inara -- the best job you ever pulled was on a central planet! Mal How about I stay out of your whoring -- Inara Well, that didn't take long --

They're right in each other's faces now, goin' at it.

Mal -- you keep out of my thieving. I know my job very well, thank you very much. Inara Right. You're a criminal mastermind. What was the last cargo we snuck past the Alliance to transport? Mal That was perfect -- Inara What was the cargo? Mal They were dolls! Inara They were little geisha dolls with big heads that wobbled! Mal Hey! People love those! Inara And what exactly was our net profit on the famous wobbly-headed doll caper? Mal "Our" cut? So you're in the gang now? Inara Well, since I can't seem to find work as companion, I might as well become a petty thief like you!

Beat. Oops. The air goes out of both of them.

Mal Petty. Inara (backtracking) I didn't mean petty. Mal What did you mean? Inara (meekly) Suo-shee琐细
Petty
?
Mal That's Chinese for petty. Inara No, that's a narrow... there are nuances of meaning that... Mal Maybe you shoulda stuck with your wiles. Inara Don't put all of this on me, Mal. You know you haven't been after serious work in a - Mal Serious work? You wanna know wha--, if, I --

He stops himself.

Inara What? Mal Nothing.

INT. SERENITY - CARGO BAY - SOON AFTER
Mal goes to the crates, finds one that has TWO BULLET HOLES in its lid. He pries it open, pulls the lid away to reveal Saffron.

Mal All right. Tell me more about this job a' yours.

Frowning with discomfort, wedged kinda sexily into a shipment of PROTEIN PACKETS, sits Our Mrs. Reynolds...

BLACK OUT

 
Act 2
Shun-sheng duh gao-wahn神圣的睾丸星期二
Holy testicle Tuesday

INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA
Jayne, Zoe, Wash and Kaylee are all gathered at the dining room table. Presently they're staring a bit open-mouthed at -- Mal AND Saffron standing variously before them as Saffron makes her pitch.

Saffron The mark's name is Durran Haymer. He may be one of the biggest collectors of Earth-That-Was artifacts in the 'verse. Guy's got warehouses full of stuff. But his prize piece is sitting in his parlor -- an antiquity of unspeakable value: The Lassiter.

(This gets everyone's attention)

The original hand-held laser pistol. One of only two known to still exist. The forerunner of all modern laser technology. Haymer got lucky, picked it up during the war for nothing. Mal But it wasn't just luck.

(beat)

Tell them. Saffron Haymer's Alliance. Bio-weapons expert during the war. He'd target neighborhoods with valuables, wipe out every living soul without ever damaging the goods. Go in, take whatever he wanted. Mal Now he's living fat on a private estate on Bellerophon.

Saffron holds up some future computer disks.

Saffron I've managed to get ahold of his schedule for the next 18 months -- a layout of the estate grounds... and every security code for the place.

She places the disks on the table. No one moves to touch them.

Mal Saffron has a notion we can walk right in there, take The Lassiter right off his shelf.

More with the staring. Finally Wash speaks.

Wash I'm confused... Saffron (ahead of him) You're asking yourself if I've got the security codes, why don't I go in, grab it for myself? Wash No. Actually... I was wondering...

(to Mal, suddenly)

What's she doing on this ship!? Didn't she try to kill us? Saffron (rolls her eyes) Please. Nobody died last time. Wash We're in space. How'd she get here? Mal She hitched. Wash I don't recall pulling over... Mal Look. Point is, this ain't no wobbly-headed doll caper. This here's history.

Jayne's been thinking very hard. Raises his hand

Jayne Okay. I got a question. If she's got the security codes, why don't she just walk in and grab it herself?

A beat as they stare. Then:

Saffron Good point. Getting through the door and putting our hands on the Lassiter it's easy. Getting out with it... that's the tricky part. Mal It's tagged and coded. Second it passes through the door -- alarms, security, feds. Saffron This isn't a one-woman operation. To do this right, I'm going to need... Inara (O.S) Idiots.

They turn. Inara has entered the room.

Saffron Partners. Inara Dupes. That's what you'll all be if you trust her. Mal Could be that's so. Lord knows ain't none of us here "criminal masterminds." So if you got something better, Inara -- something not "petty" -- well we'd sure be willing to hear it.

A beat as Inara and Mal hold the look between them. Saffron doesn't hate the tension that's evident here. Finally:

Inara (turns and goes) Nee mun doh shr sagwa你们都是傻瓜
Idiots. All of you.
.
Mal (looks back to gang) So. The question remains -- how do we get the artifact out without setting off the alarms? Kaylee (reaches for the disk) This the layout? Saffron Full blueprints of the entire grounds. Kaylee Could be we look hard enough, we'll find a way.

Mal smiles, that's what he likes to hear.

Mal You dig into that, little Kaylee.

(looks to Zoe)

Zoe? You ain't said a word. Time to weigh in. Zoe Take sounds ripe enough. Assuming we can fence it. Saffron I know a guy on Persephone. Already has half dozen buyers on the bid. Zoe But Inara ain't wrong --

(eyes on Saffron; stands)

-- she can't be trusted. Mal I ain't asking you to trust her. I'll be with her on the inside the whole time. Saffron See there? All you gotta do to be a rich woman, hon, is get over it. Zoe Mmmm. Okay.

POW -- Zoe hauls off and slugs Saffron in the mouth. She goes down on her tush. Everyone's a little astonished.

Zoe (cont'd) (to Mal) I'm in.

Off nobody offering to help Saffron up --

INT. Simon'S ROOM - DAY
Jayne is dumping off a bunch of food and water packets, talking to Simon and River.

Jayne Captain says you're to stay put. Doesn't want you to run afoul of his blushin' psychotic bride. She figures out who you are, she'll turn you in 'fore you can... say... "don't turn me in, lady". Simon This bounty on us just keeps getting more exciting. Jayne (busying himself) Well, I wouldn't know. River (looking at Jayne) She's a liar. Jayne That don't exactly set her apart from the rest of us. The plunder sounds fun enough. River She's a liar and no good will come of her. Jayne Well, as a rule, I say girlfolk ain't to be trusted. River Jayne is a girl's name. Jayne Well, Jayne ain't a girl.

(to Simon) (Jayne appears to be reaching in to his pants)

She starts in on that "girl's name" thing, I show her good an' all I got man parts. Simon I'm trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. I just -- it's not coming. Jayne (pulling a deck of cards out of his POCKET) I WAS gonna leave you a deck of cards...

He goes, shutting the door behind him.

Simon Great. Another exciting adventure in sitting. River Afraid. Simon We'll be okay. Why the captain is trusting that boo hway-hun duh puo-foo不悔恨的泼妇
remorseless harridan
-
River Not her. Jayne. Simon (amused) Afraid? Since when? River Since Ariel.

Simon is no longer amused.

River (cont'd) Afraid we'll know.

INT. SERENITY - CARGO BAY - CATWALKS
Zoe is headed up the catwalks from the cargo bay, Inara comes down the stairs leading from the bridge, heading to her shuttle.

Zoe We should be on Bellerophon by oh-six. I figure the job should take -- Inara Please. I really don't wanna know. Zoe Least it's your kind of world. Got appointments made? Inara Minute we hit atmo, I'm gone. I booked a few choice clients, should help me get my mind off Mal's descent into lunacy -

Zoe starts to leave.

Inara Zoe. Don't let Mal trust her. Everything Saffron is, is a lie. She'll get the drop on him - which as far as I'm concerned is what he richly deserves. Zoe I ain't sayin' it ain't risky. Don't count Mal out, though. He just knows the estate is -

Inara holds up her hands.

Inara No details. I meant that. Just be careful. Zoe See you when we're wealthy...

They split up, Zoe heading up toward the bridge, Inara going into her shuttle

ANGLE: Saffron - has been eavesdropping from above, near the second shuttle. Mal steps out-

Mal Hey! You give me a hand in here. No wandering about, remember? Or I'll stick you back in your crate.

INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA
Mal, Zoe, Jayne, Wash, Kaylee and Saffron are gathered around the table. Kaylee has the portable display (seen in "Ariel") with the estate schematics. It gets passed around as she and Wash speak:

Wash Bellerophon Estates... Home to the rich and paranoid... gracious living... ocean views...

EXT. BELLEROPHON - DAY
Ocean as far as the eye can see. Floating about the blue expanse are enormous manors -- estates hovering a mile above the water, complete with greenery, landscaping, etc.

Wash (V.O.) ... and state-of-the-art security, including local patrols, and multi-code-keys needed at all entrances and exits...

INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA - CONTINUOUS

Saffron Which we have -- Wash Right. You and Mal will split off in Shuttle II as we make our approach...

EXT. BELLEROPHON - DAY

SERENITY zooms into the shot. Shuttle II splits off from Serenity, veering slightly up. CAMERA STAYS WITH SHUTTLE II as it approaches the floating estate, other flying vehicles coming and going.

Wash (V.O.) There's a landing port just south of the main house.

INT. SHUTTLE II - DAY
Mal at the helm.

Mal Prepped for landing. You ready?

Saffron appears from the back, two ENORMOUS FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS in her arms.

Saffron Ready.

EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
The well manicured grounds. SHUTTLE II lands in the distance. CAMERA PANS to find various DOMESTICS bustling about who carry covered trays, carts loaded with fine China, a BARTENDER setting up an outdoor bar, etc.

Wash (V.O.) Haymer's throwing a big party this weekend, so you should have no trouble blending in with the hired help who'll be there setting up.

CAMERA FINDS Mal and Saffron carrying the flower arrangements, now moving through all of this.

Wash (cont'd; V.O.) All you gotta do is get through the back door.

FLOATING ESTATE - BACK ENTRANCE - DAY
Mal and Saffron arrive at the back door. Saffron pulls out a punch-pad and small round "enabler." Attaches the small cylinder to the door, taps in her code, the cylinder LIGHTS --

Mal (V.O.) That shouldn't be a problem, unless someone has been less than truthful --

The DOOR CLICKS open, Saffron looks to Mal, smiles...

INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA
Saffron's looking to Mal, here, too.

Kaylee The parlor with The Lassiter's on the ninth floor. You'll have to disable the display. Won't be any trouble. 'Course, once you get the goods in your hands, you can't take it out the front door, nor the back door, nor any door. Every piece of pretty is tagged for the scanners. Saffron So what do we do? Kaylee (to Wash) You wanna tell them? Wash (waves it to her) It was your genius idea. Kaylee (proud) You chuck it in the garbage.

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - CORRIDORS - DAY
Mal and Saffron exit further into the estate. WE STAY WITH the Housekeeper who moves to a chute opening. She dumps the bag down, then moves to a panel on the opposite wall.

Kaylee (V.O.) All the estates on Bellerophon use this automated garbage drone system. You hit one little button, and the drone whooshes off with the trash.

The Housekeeper touches the panel. Words appear ONSCREEN: "READY FOR DISPOSAL. YES. NO." She touches "yes."

EXT. UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
Underneath the floating estate, a futuristic dumpster (lined with computer panels) is latched onto the body of the estate. We hear the low THUD of the bag landing inside.

A flying GARBAGE DRONE GLIDES INTO FRAME, flies towards the dumpster, and its forklift-like claws clamp onto the dumpster with a loud METALLIC KLANG
The dumpster shudders with the impact, then detaches from the structure and the drone whisks it away. Another dumpster drops into place where the other one was.

INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA - CONTINUOUS

Saffron (not really) Brilliant. Kaylee Thanks. Saffron Except it's idiotic. The drones take the disposal bins straight to reclamation. Thirty seconds after we hit the button, the booty'll be incinerated. Kaylee Not if we reprogram the bin. Give it new coordinates. Once I override the standard guidance protocol, I can tell that disposal bin to go wherever we want.

INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA

Saffron And where would that be? Wash The loneliest piece of desert we can find. Here. Isis Canyon. The drone dumps the bin, we claim the goods when we're all together again. Saffron And how do you plan to get to the bin to reprogram it? Kaylee You get to the loot, and we'll get to the bin.

EXT. SERENITY/UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY

WIDE - CGI. Serenity RISES INTO FRAME, hovering steadily a few feet below the dumpster. Bright sunlight and wind whipping up here.

CLOSER -- THE HATCH opens and Jayne emerges. He's wearing goggles, his thrilling heroics hat and a harness with cable (which dangles at the moment.)

Wash and Zoe are on the bridge as Wash delicately keeps Serenity in place.

Jayne pulls himself out of the hatch and crawls carefully up the hull and attaches the safety latch of his cable to a rung on the ship.
Now from the hatch Kaylee emerges, also wearing goggles and protection from the wind and cold. She hands up the end of her safety harness to Jayne. He clips it. She hands him out a tool kit. He takes it, then helps her up onto the top of the ship. She crawls toward him on her belly. They're under the bin, now.
He makes her lie flat, one arm over her protecting her as he pulls out his com, speaks into it, telling over the ROARING WIND --

Jayne (O.S.) All right! We're planted!

INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE - DAY

Jayne (V.O., FILTERED) Take her up --

Wash white knuckling it. Zoe at his shoulder. He pulls back on the controls as...

EXT. SERENITY/UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
Jayne and Kaylee still lying flat. Serenity rises up. Jayne and Kaylee look up as the bottom of the estate looms closer.

Jayne (into com) That's good! That's good! Hold 'er steady. Hold 'er there.

Kaylee, still face down, pops open her mobile tool kit, hands an electric (space age?) screwdriver to Jayne. Jayne gets to his feet with great care -- reaches up to the control panel side of the trash bin. It's all very precarious now as he sets to work on the panel, removing the face of it....

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - CORRIDOR - DAY
Mal sneaks down a corridor, Saffron standing watch at the other end of the hall. She's keeping an eye on Mal -- specifically, on his ass. Mal turns to her --

Mal Clear.

She trots down to him, looks at a Palm-like device which displays the house's blueprints.

Mal (cont'd) Which way? Saffron Right.

They continue on.

EXT. UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
Wash and Zoe still on station.

Jayne pulls off the front panel of the control mechanism, sets about removing the innards, hands the motherboard down to Kaylee, who begins to work on it.

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - CORRIDOR - DAY
Mal and Saffron move down another corridor -- one that opens into a larger room. Saffron peeks at her Palm as Mal peers into the room, addresses him in a whisper --

Saffron This should be it.

Mal holds up a finger. The sound of VOICES in the other room slowly drifts away. Then he nods and they walk into --

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY
The ENTER into a room that defines opulence. Beautiful furnishings, expensive art on the walls. Memorabilia of Earth-That-Was fills the room. This room alone cost millions to decorate

Mal Shun-sheng duh gao-wahn神圣的睾丸星期二
Holy testicle Tuesday
.

And on the mantel, in the proper place of honor: a Buck Rogers lookin' Laser Gun. It is to phasers what those huge old clunky cell phones were to modern ones.

Saffron Let's get to work... Mal Yeah.

EXT. SERENITY/ UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
Kaylee hands the jerry-rigged motherboard back to Jayne.

Kaylee Okay! She's set!

(yelling over the roar of wind)

Careful! It's hot!

Jayne nods, starts to replace the innards. Serenity rises up a few inches, closing the distance between the bottom of the estate and Jayne's head.

Jayne (sharply into com) Gorram it, Wash! Hold her steady!

INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE
Wash and more with the white knuckles.

Wash Sorry...

Wash eases off...

EXT. SERENITY/UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
As Serenity dips ever so slightly, Jayne gets a bit more "head room." Continues to work. Kaylee reacts as she watches:

Kaylee Jayne! The dyna-ram's live!

He can't hear what she's saying over the ROAR. Glances at her, annoyed --

Jayne What? Kaylee (worried) The dyna-ram. Don't touch it --

ZAP! A BLUE BOLT of energy jumps out of the bin control innards zapping Jayne and knocking him out. He falls and lands hard on the top of Serenity and starts sliding, out like a light. Kaylee instinctively grasps for the tether as Jayne's body slides and rolls, the tether taught. This all happens very fast and off Kaylee's SCREAM!

Kaylee Whoa. Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Whoa!

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY
Mal and Saffron set down their flower displays, move to it. Mal holds up a small aerosol-looking can, sprays and a FORCE FIELD becomes visible for a moment. Mal reaches into his flowers, pulls out a mini- tool kit.

Mal uses a space-aged allen wrench as he digs into an open panel under the Lassiter.

Mal Where's the trash chute? Saffron We passed it in the vestibule

FOOTSTEPS...

Saffron (cont'd) Wait! Shh! Someone's coming...

Mal quickly shuts the panel, moves away just as --

DURRAN HAYMER, the master of the house, enters the room, freezing both Mal and Saffron. He looks from one to the other, in shock.

Durran (to Mal) You...

Mal waits.

Durran (cont'd) You found her...!

He takes Saffron in his arms.

Durran (cont'd) You brought back my wife!

Off Mal, in jaded awe

BLACK OUT

 
Act 3
They killed Heinrich?

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY
Durran holds Saffron close to him... His face is away from Mal's, hers toward Mal. She looks vexed, though she hugs him back.

Durran Oh, my dear...

Mal mimes hitting the guy. Saffron shakes her head slightly, no.

Durran (cont'd) Oh, my own sweet Yolanda...

Mal mouths 'Yolanda?', amused. Durran holds her at arms length.

A37 INT. SERENITY - FOREDECK HALL - BELOW HATCH, LOWERING
Zoe (who's wearing goggles and anti-wind-clothing) and Book struggle to lower the dead weight of an unconscious Jayne into the ship. Zoe is half up the ladder, using Jayne's tether to guide him down to Book. She wears a tether harness vest now.
Zoe unhitches his tether line and Jayne's full weight topples toward Book. He staggers back, pinned against the wall of the corridor by Jayne's bulk.

Book (wheezes) Lord -- this boy weighs a solid ton --

He lowers Jayne to the floor. Simon appears, having been summoned. Zoe hitches the tether line to her vest.

Zoe Doctor, you got yourself a patient to see to.

Simon nods, face clouded with subtle darkness.

Simon Yes. I'll take care of him.

Simon moves to assist Book. Zoe hauls herself up out of the hatch.

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY

Durran (cont'd) I thought I'd never see you again.

He's fighting welling emotion. To Mal:

Durran Forgive me... I don't mean to make a show... Mal Please. I'm the one who's intruding. Durran Not at all. I owe you a great debt of thanks. Mal Just gave the lady a lift. Durran No. You've done much more than that. You've returned to me the only thing I truly treasure. Mal Well, then, this is a day I'll feel good to be me. Durran Do I owe you any -- Mal No, ah. Trip weren't even out of our way. Saffron I promised him 800 square. Mal No, but we never agreed and -- Durran Please. I'd be embarrassed not to make some recompense... In my study, I... Are you hungry? You both look so tired, there's food, or... Yolanda, I'm babbling like a moon brain... Saffron Hush. We'll both have plenty to say by nightfall. Durran Six years... Saffron Is that all? Durran From the day they found your shuttle -- Saffron They set on me at Parth, these awful men... Mal That wasn't me. I didn't know those men... Saffron They said they wanted ransom, but they sold me to slavers... Mal Also unknown to me... Durran (ashamed) When you left, I thought... Well, you disappeared the same day as Heinrich -- Saffron Heinrich? Durran The security programmer. And he was young, and I saw you two talking, and I thought -- but after they found his body... Mal They killed Heinrich? Ah! Guess he wasn't useful anymore. Durran (to Saffron) I never stopped looking. Saffron I knew you wouldn't

(tears and all)

That's the thought that kept me alive.

They kiss passionately. Mal looks around, at his nails, at the wall...

Saffron (cont'd) (seductively) We have so much time to make-up... Mal Well, that's my cue to skedaddle... Durran Let me get your money.

(to Saffron)

You won't disappear again? Saffron Never.

He goes. A beat, as her loving look hardens.

Saffron (cont'd) We gotta move fast.

As Mal returns to the dismantling of the force field with his sp-allen wrench...

Mal Yeah, he might come back and hug us in the act.

Mal continues his dismantling...

Saffron You don't know him. He's everything I said he was. Mal Oh, yeah, he's a killer of men. Why I'll bet he even eats up babies. Saffron You're wasting time.

He's actually being very efficient while continuing.

Mal But let's take a breath here, Yolanda. You're sneaking into a place you could walk into as welcome as glad news. What's the math on that? Saffron The math on that is you not adding up that Durran Haymer would as soon cut your throat as he would -- Mal -- You would? Saffron If possible. Mal Nope. That ain't it at all. You'da knocked him on the brain, were that the case. You don't want him to know the truth. Unlike all the other -- I'm gonna go with hundreds -- of men you've married, you actually want this one to think well of you when you've gone.

A FLASH and WE SEE the FORCE FIELD appear then DISAPPEAR. Mal reaches in easily, grabs The Lassiter.

Mal (cont'd) My god... Could it be I've actually met your real husband?

She has backed up to her flower arrangement, whips out a small gun at him, furious.

Saffron Congratulations. Anything else you want on your tombstone, you piece of crap? Durran Now I'm intruding.

She puts the gun down, genuinely upset that Durran has busted her.

Saffron Durran... This isn't what it looks like... Mal Unless it looks like we're stealing your priceless Lassiter, 'cause that's what we're doing. Don't ask me about the gun, though, 'cause that's new. Durran Well. I appreciate your honesty. Not, you know, a lot, but -- Saffron Durran, you don't know what he's forced me to -- Durran Stop. Yolanda, please just stop.

There is a terrible sadness in his voice. And a frantic misery in hers:

Saffron Don't look at me like that.

As he says this, Mal has elegantly moved past Durran, dropped the Lassiter into the trash cute just outside the door, hit the button.

A beat. She whips the gun at Durran.

Saffron (cont'd) I said don't look at me like that!

She might just shoot him as we GO TO:

EXT. UNDERSIDE OF FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
Kaylee teeters on precarious tippy-toe, straining to plug a piece of HARDWARE into the top part of the control panel on the dumpster. Zoe steadies her, heels dug in, one hand gripping Kaylee's tether.

Kaylee Almost done. I just got to plug the interface strike-plate in and...

There's a CLACKING of machinery from the dumpster, and a BEACON LIGHT begins flashing.

Zoe That's a pick-up call -- How we doing?

Kaylee strains but can't quite reach.

Kaylee (growls) I can't reach it --

Zoe speaks into her com.

Zoe Wash -- we need more altitude -- now --

INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE - DAY

Wash Working on it, dear --

EXT. UNDERSIDE OF FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
Zoe'S POV - of A GARBAGE DRONE in the distance, taking a hard turn towards them, like a shark nosing toward its prey.

Zoe Kaylee...

Kaylee fumbles with the plate as Serenity lurches up another foot or two.

Zoe (cont'd) KayleeKayleeKaylee -- KayleeKayleeKaylee...

Kaylee snaps the strike-plate into place.

Kaylee Okay, got it!

Zoe pulls hard on Kaylee's tether --

GARBAGE BIN
...as Kaylee is yanked hard down OUT OF FRAME, just as the drone SLAMS into place, right where Kaylee had been a micro-second before. It attaches to the dumpster with a DEAFENING BONG.

GO TO:

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY
Mal inching his way around from the door; Saffron staring down Durran, gun pointed at him...

Mal Let's not get all worked up here -- Saffron Are you really so naive? Do you think your life is anything to me?

Mal is next to his flower arrangement -- whip quick he pulls his own gun from it, is drawn and pointed at her in a heartbeat.

Mal All right. No one's killing any folk today, on account of we got a very tight schedule. Yo-Saf-Bridge-- we'll get on about our --

(suddenly as fierce as a cop)

DROP IT, NOW!

He comes at her as he shouts it, his whole attitude wrought with controlled fury, putting the gun to her head. She drops hers to the floor, knowing he means business, but never takes her eyes off Durran. They play everything to each other, even when talking to Mal.
(Mal retrieves her gun, pockets it.)

Saffron Did you think I was a princess? That I would stay locked up here in the tower? With you? Durran I hoped. Saffron You're a rutting fool.

INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE - DAY
Wash pilots hard as Zoe's voice crackles in over the com.

Zoe (O.S.) We're in! Go! Go! Wash Copy that--

Wash pulls back on his controls.

EXT. UNDERSIDE OF FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
Serenity drops away from the underbelly, peeling into a dive and sailing off, as the drone detaches the dumpster and flies off in the opposite direction.

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY

Mal Saffron, you wanna finish the damn job here, 'cause we're short on minutes. I'm sorry, mister -- Durran How long have you been with him? Mal Oh, we are not together. Saffron He's my husband. Mal Well, who in the damn galaxy ain't?

She starts working.

Durran I feel so bad for you. Saffron (laughs) Bad for me? I'm not the patsy being stole from. If you had half a brain you'da called the Feds the minute you saw me. Durran Oh, I did.

They stop. He points to his ring. It's modern, with a stone like a button. That is a button.

Durran (cont'd) Emergency signal. For kidnappings and the like. I love you, Yolanda, but I couldn't think for a second that you actually came here for me.

The sound of approaching cops, etc.

Durran (cont'd) That would be them now.

A beat, as Mal and Saffron fume.

Saffron Men.

EXT. FLOATING ESTATE GROUNDS - CONTINUING
As a trio of POLICE CRUISER-SHIPS descend on the estate, sirens blaring, lights flashing.

BLACK OUT

 
Act 4
A brilliant, beautiful, evil double-crossing snake

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
We hear the SIRENS and POLICE ANNOUNCING their arrival. Saffron sidles desperately up to Durran...

Saffron Durran, peaches, just call them off. Tell them it was a mistake. Durran You need help, Yolanda. Saffron I'll do anything you want me to... you know how I can make you feel... Durran Please. You're embarrassing yourself.

She punches him into unconsciousness.

Saffron I'm embarrassing? Who's the dupe on the floor? Mal I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we gotta go.

He grabs her arm, and they take off.

EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - GROUNDS - DAY

COPS (armed with those SONIC RIFLES we saw in Ariel) at the doors, speaking into a COM.

Police Sergeant This is police. Responding to an emergency code call. Request entry, all points.

A BEAT, then the doors BUZZ as the locks give. The cops race inside...

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - CORRIDOR - DAY
Mal and Saffron hoofing it out of here. A COP comes around the corner, heading right at them. The cop is more surprised than they are -- Mal takes him down with a few well- placed moves. Saffron reacts as --

TWO MORE COPS -- appear coming the other way. One of them is raising his SONIC RIFLE.

Saffron Wahg-ba dan duh biao-tze王八蛋的婊子
Whores of SOB's
.

Mal drags her along, over the fallen cop. They round the corner just as BOOM! From the Sonic Rifle.

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - BACK ENTRANCE - DAY
They bolt down the glass corridor, the way they came in. Cops appear, coming after them. They push through the door, end up --

EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - BACK ENTRANCE - DAY
Saffron beelines for the security panel, hooks her device onto it, starts working. Mal braces himself against the door.

Mal What are you doing?

Mal backs away from the door just as her enabler BEEPS.

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - BACK ENTRANCE - DAY
A cop reaches for the door -- but it pulls AWAY FROM him. We hear a KA-CHUNK as the door locks.

EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - BACK ENTRANCE - DAY
Saffron runs off. Mal regards the door and the POUNDING from the trapped cops for a tiny beat.

Mal (impressed) Good security.

TWO MORE COPS, armed with sonic rifles, coming at them.

Police Show some identification.

Saffron is already spinning and kicking at the first one. Mal takes on the second one, hand-to-fist-to-face.

Mal lays out the cop he's fighting. Then reaches down and grabs the fallen sonic rifle. Spins on Saffron and the cop she's still engaged with:

Mal (cont'd) Move!

She dives out of the way as Mal fires a SONIC BLAST. Second cop is down for the count. Mal tosses the sonic rifle aside. Saffron goes to grab it. Mal grabs her, yanks her from it.

Mal (cont'd) Nope. Let's go.

And they do.

EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
Shuttle II flys away, unpursued.

INT. SHUTTLE II - DAY
Mal pushes buttons, engages autopilot and heads to the back as he straps on his holster, back to normal.
Saffron sits on a crate, facing away from him, sullenly ignoring the welling in her eyes.

Mal Had to be tough. Saffron Yeah, have yourself a great guffaw. Mal I mean it. Six years, knowing he was holding such treasures, and you didn't move on him. I gotta figure that's a job you told yourself you'd never take. Till times got hard enough, and the one line you hadn't crossed... Saffron (turning, fierce) My name's not Yolanda. Mal Never entered my mind it was.

She looks away again. Her tone at first is worldly, bitter -- but there is clearly more underneath.

Saffron I tried. I actually tried. I thought, "This is a decent man. The genuine article." Mal A working man, struggling to get by with the barest necessities on his private floating island... Saffron Yeah, he had money. I thought it would help. I thought if I had everything then I wouldn't want... Mal Heinrich the Security Programmer? Saffron You know, I'd forgotten his name. Mal Addressing the itch of curiousness, you marry him too? Saffron No. I didn't kill him either. Mal No. Don't reckon there's many you killed. No. Just put 'em in a position to die easy. Saffron I should've killed Durran. Mal Right. The one guy who don't have it coming. The man who knows you, still loves you, treachery and all. No, can't have him walking about.

She does start crying now, balled up, not making any move toward Mal.

Saffron You must be loving this. Mal Little bit. I seen you without your clothes on before. Never thought I'd see you naked. Saffron Can people ever change? Mal Depends on the person. I'm guessing the pain of this fades away, you'll just go back to being what you are. Saffron (small voice) What is that?

He sits next to her.

Mal (not unkindly) A brilliant, beautiful, evil double-crossing snake. Cheer up, weepy: you made yourself a boatload of hard cash today. You can question the meaning of life on a floaty island of your own for a while. Saffron You won't tell anyone about me breaking down? Mal I won't. Saffron Then I won't tell anyone how easily I got your gun out of your holster.

He looks down.

Mal I'll take that as a kindness.

Saffron stands, her gun pointed at Mal's belly.

Saffron You just may be the most gullible fool I ever marked. And that makes you special. Mal (stands) Well, you can riddle me with holes, Yolanda. But that won't make what I just saw anything but truth. Saffron (almost convincing) I played you. From minute one. Mal Well, you got me at barrel's end, who am I to argue. What's your move? Saffron We'll be settling down in the desert. Leave you to set a spell. Oh, and speaking of naked... Mal No, now that's just low. Saffron Kinda evens things out, though, don't you think? Pants.

She cocks the hammer, he starts undoing his trousers.

Mal Now, I really don't see the benefit to this. I mean, however I may slip, you're not gonna catch my crew with their trousers down.

INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE - DAY
Wash at the controls. Zoe and Kaylee enter.

Wash pulls on the ship controls. Frowns.

Wash Can't turn. Zoe What? Wash Can't turn.

(still trying)

Not getting any tug from the aft alternator -- Kaylee That don't make no sense...

(realizing)

Unless...

She turns and runs out, toward the --

INT. SERENITY - ENGINE ROOM
Kaylee goes right for the engine, Zoe and Wash following. She only has to look for a second before knowing what's up --

Kaylee Yep. Tah-shr suo-yo dee-yure duh biao-tze duh mah她是所有地狱的婊子的妈
She's the mother of all the whores in hell
. The filament on the grav-dampener's stripped.
Wash Now, who could've possibly done that? Kaylee I can fix it, but she must've put a timer on the motivator and wetwired the dampener -- Zoe What does it mean, Kaylee? Kaylee We ain't gonna make the rendezvous. We have to land. Now.

Off their reactions, PRELAP --

CUT TO:

EXT. WASTELAND - DAY

Mal No! No! You dirty, dirty whore...!

Mal's FACE staring up into the sky as CAMERA CRANES UP, the engines of the departing shuttle whipping wind and dust around Mal.

As CAMERA CONTINUE TO PULL BACK, we see that Mal is very much naked. And standing in the wasteland where we first saw him in the opening.

Mal (cont'd) Yeah, you better run!

EXT. MOON - DAY
A different wasteland-y part of the moon. The disposal bin sits near Shuttle II, its lid open. From inside the bin, we hear --

Garbage comes flying out of the bin.

INSIDE THE BIN --
-- is Saffron, digging through the trash, rummaging through moldy fruit, eggshells, and assorted sticky, wet rubbish. Her hair is matted -- basically, she's covered in shit and doesn't look happy about it.

Saffron God. Oh! Where is it...?

She keeps digging. Diggy, diggy, diggy -- then she stops, throws her hands up in defeat.

Saffron (cont'd) Oh! It's not here. Inara Looking for this?

She looks up to see Inara perched on the wall of some nearby ruins, beautiful as always, in her veil and bare midriff ensemble. She points The Lassiter.

Inara Wonder if it works?

Pulls the trigger. Nothing.

Inara (cont'd) Oh-well. Still worth a fortune.

(as she raises a lugar)

Anyway, this works fine.

(then)

Honey, you look horrific. Saffron What are you doing here? Inara Oh. Just my part of the job. Saffron What part of the job? Inara (matter of fact) You know, I put on the big act, storm away in a huff, then I fly off, wait for you to doublecross Mal, beat you to the rendezvous spot and grab the loot before you can get to it.

(beat)

What, you didn't see it coming?

Saffron makes a move; Inara points her lugar.

Inara (cont'd) Uh-uh.

(beat)

You know, I'm a little disappointed. Some of the crew's performances weren't quite as nuanced as they could have been. I thought they might have tipped the fact that we were playing you from the second Mal took you out of that crate.

(beat)

Oh, well. Guess not.

As she's said this, she's set aside The Lassiter and picked up a small REMOTE CONTROL. She aims it at the bin, presses a button -- and the lid SLAMS SHUT on Saffron.

Saffron No! You can't do this!

(SLAM! the lid shuts)

Inara You're not going to die, you big baby. The authorities will be here in a few hours to dig you out. Saffron (inside the bin, muffled) You can't do this! I have a condition.

INT. SERENITY - INFIRMARY
Jayne fuzzily comes to, looks around. Simon is quietly notating some things, his back to Jayne.

Jayne Wah Oh. What goin' on? Simon (not looking around) You got knocked out. Jayne Dih we gedda payoff? Dih we get the money? Simon Can you move your arms and legs?

Jayne looks suddenly worried. Tries -- cannot move anything below his neck.

Jayne Huh? Dah nod movin'! Simon Do you want to know why?

He turns to Jayne, eerie calm on his face.

Simon (cont'd) Your spine. You hit it pretty hard when you fell. Jayne (worried) 'pine? Simon Yes. So I gave you something to knock out your motor functions so you wouldn't wrench it when you came to. Should wear off in a half an hour. You'll just be bruised. Jayne Is 'pine okay? Simon How much did they offer you to sell out me and River on Ariel?

Jayne pauses. Now he's worried.

Jayne Das crazy talk. Simon Then let's talk crazy. How much? Jayne (looking beyond Simon. calls out) Anybody there?

River leans in from the doorway looks at him calmly. It's not comforting.

Jayne (cont'd) (Quieter) Anybody else? Simon You're in a dangerous line of work, Jayne. Odds are, you'll be under my knife again. Often. So I want you to understand one thing very clearly. No matter what you do, or say, or plot... no matter how you come down on us, I will never ever harm you. You're on this table you're safe. 'Cause, I'm your medic, and however little we may like or trust each other, we're on the same crew.

(checks out Jayne's eyes with a small flashlight)

Got the same troubles, same enemies and more than enough of both. Now we could circle each other and growl, sleep with one eye open but that thought wearies me.

(gets a hypo and injects something into Jayne)

I don't care what you've done. I don't know what you're planning on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think you should do the same, 'cause I don't see this working any other way.

He exits. We hold wide on Jayne, thinking on what Simon has said, as River's head pops in the doorway at the other end of frame.

River Also, I can kill you with my brain.

She pops back out, leaving Jayne to contemplate even more.

EXT. WASTELAND - DAY
ON Mal, who sits naked on a sheared-off stump of stone. He lifts his head, and utters the now familiar:

Mal Yeah... that went well.

REVERSE TO INCLUDE Inara, who has emerged from Serenity's open ramp and is now standing a few feet from Mal. The line is addressed to her.

Inara You call this "going well"? Mal We got the loot, didn't we? Inara Yes, but -- Mal Then I call it a win. What's the problem?

He stands, starts casually walking back to Serenity with Inara, who does her best to not glance at his naughty bits.

Inara Should I start with the part where you're stranded in the middle of nowhere, or the part where you have no clothes? Mal All according to plan. Inara Really? I thought the plan was for me to act as a failsafe in case everything else went wrong. Like, for instance, if Saffron disabled Serenity and left you for dead. Mal Nonsense. You had a key role to play in this. How sad would you have been if you hadn't gotten to play it? Inara Heartbroken. Mal See? All according to plan.

They reach Serenity, where Zoe, Wash and Kaylee await. As Mal moves up the ramp --

Mal (cont'd) Wash, take us out of the world. Zoe, contact Brennert and Ellison, see if they'd be interested in fencing a priceless artifact for us.

Zoe and Wash just stand there, staring at his nakedity. Yes, I said nakedity.

Mal (cont'd) What?

Zoe and Wash mutter "nothing," "I'll get right to work," etc., as Kaylee smiles at Mal, not at all thrown.

Kaylee Good work, Cap'n. Mal Thank you, Kaylee. Kaylee goes off as Mal closes the ramp. As the ramp rises, Mal looks out at the wasteland with a certain fondness.
Mal (cont'd) Good day.

The ramp shuts and we --

BLACK OUT

End of Show