Trash

They were little geisha dolls with big heads that wobbled.

Cast  ·  Intro  ·  Act 1  ·  Act 2  ·  Act 3  ·  Act 4

 

Guest Cast

 

Intro

Something's different. Something is...

Transcribed:	Russ Madden
Written:	Ben Edlund & Jose Molina
Directed:	Vern Gillum
Aired:	?, 2002

1 EXT. WASTELAND - DAY

SLOW CAMERA PAN across a flat vista of shattered rock. Barren. Lunar. PAN ONTO a MAN seated a short distance away on the ground. His side is to us, and he is BUCK NAKED. It's MAL REYNOLDS. He lifts his head, nodding to himself as he takes in his surroundings.

MAL (flatly)

Yeah... That went well

CUT TO BLACK:

TITLE APPEARS: "SEVENTY-TWO HOURS EARLIER..."

2 EXT. DUST PLANET - NIGHT

A LARGE CRATE slams down onto the ground, hard. The two smugglers who were hefting it straighten, turning to go. WIDEN to see that Mal stands close by, arms crossed.

A PILE OF SIMILAR CRATES lies in the dust around Mal. Other SMUGGLERS carry more crates, adding to the pile. (All smugglers sport holstered firearms) They are ferrying them from the lowered FREIGHT PLATFORM of a SPACESHIP, which looms overhead. Chatter from men and women moving boxes.

VARIOUS

OK, I got that end. All right, I got it. All right, all right.
Right here.

(continues in background)

MONTY (O.S.)

Malcolm Reynolds!

A VERY LARGE MAN steps off a ladder that goes up from the platform to the belly of the ship, beaming at Mal.

He's a big, gut-toting bear of a man. Not pretty. Not in the least. Think of a greasy Brad Garrett with bad teeth.

MONTY

You old son-of-a-- Com'ere!

MAL

Hey, Monty --

He sweeps a mildly protesting Mal up into a bear-hug, lifting him off his feet for a beat.

MAL (wheezes)

How--you--do--in'

Monty releases him.

MONTY

They didn't tell me you were picking up this leg of the run.

MAL

Yeah, well, work's been a little slow lately. So I thought I'd do some honest smuggling between jobs

MONTY

Where's that sorry-ass ship a' yours?

As they speak, Monty's ND CREW continues off-loading the crates, passing in and out of frame.

MAL

Monty, two boats like ours meeting on an empty rock like this, that screams contraband to the Feds. Or have you forgotten that time you got pinched on Beylix?

MONTY

Always thinkin', ain't ya. Smarts. That's what you got. Smarts.

MAL (shrugs)

Now, OK, wait.

(looks closer at Monty)

Something's different. Something is...

MONTY (smiles proudly)

Yup.

MAL

Something is, uh --

(Monty strokes his chin)

The beard! Oh! You shaved off your soup-catcher!

MONTY

Yup.

MAL

Well, I thought you were gonna wear that ugly chin-wig to the grave--

MONTY (chuckles)

Yeah, so did I. But she didn't much like my whiskers...

MAL

She--?

MONTY (calls out)

Oh. Bridgit!

(to Mal)

What the hell am I thinking? I got to introduce you to the missus!

MAL

Monty! You have fallen from our noble bachelor ranks?

MONTY

I wasn't lookin' to, but she just sorta swept me off my feet. Bridgit!

A woman hurries to them obscured by the smuggly bustle.

MAL

Ah, well, she must be a rare specimen indeed.

MONTY

Yeah. Don't begin to cover it. Mal, I want you to meet my Bridgit.

And she steps out from behind Monty, smiling -- until she recognizes Mal. A beat as he and SAFFRON look at each other.

Saffron pulls a smuggler's gun from its holster, spins with the gun locked on Mal's head, just as Mal's gun is flashing from his holster, locked on hers -- a Woo-off. They are frozen, Monty right in the middle, nonplussed.

MONTY (cont'd)

So... you guys have met.

BLACK OUT.

END OF INTRO

 

Act 1

They were little geisha dolls with big heads that wobbled!

3 EXT. DUST PLANET - NIGHT

Right where we left off. Mal and Saffron sidestep, guns trained, slowly circling, very intense.

Monty stands nearby, brow knitted with confusion.

MONTY

Mal -- why you got a piece trained on my wife?

MAL

She ain't your wife, Monty --

MONTY

Hunh? Married 'er, didn't I?

MAL

You ain't the only one.

Mal's cut off before he can finish, because in the instant Mal's eyes flick toward Monty, Saffron scissors up a high kick, knocks the gun out of Mal's hand. She has the drop on Mal for an instant, but doesn't fire. Mal lunges, sweeping her arm to the side, catching her wrist in his grip and squeezing hard. She drops his gun. Saffron throws her head forward, smashing into Mal's nose painfully.

MAL (cont'd)

Gaaah!

MONTY

Bridget!

Mal staggers back, buffeted by a series of punches from Saffron. Mal fires one punch back, catching her on the chin and knocking her to the ground.

MONTY (cont'd)

Mal!

She lands on her back, mostly unfazed, and instantly rolls for the gun a short distance away. Just as she almost reaches it, Mal sails in on top of her, tackling her flat.

MONTY

Bridget! Hey! Quit it, you two. Here now. Knock it off.

She swings an elbow back, hits the side of Mal's head hard. He reels, she rolls on top of him, hands around his throat. He does the same, and now they're strangling each other. They do this for a vicious beat, until --

MONTY (O.S.) (roars)

Gorramit! That's enough!

Monty's big hands drop into frame, lifting them both off the ground and pulling them apart. They're both breathless, Mal's got a BLOODY NOSE.

MONTY

What the hell is goin' on here? Whaddya mean she ain't my wife?

MAL

She ain't your wife...because she's married to me.

SAFFRON (also huffing)

Don't listen to him!

MAL

It's true. 'Bout half-a-year back, at the Triumph Settlement. Only, it wasn't "Bridgit" then. It was "Saffron." Well, she hitched me by surprise, got on my ship, and then tried to steal it out from under me... She is cold as ice and dead crazy on top of it.

SAFFRON

You're a liar, Malcolm Reynolds!

MONTY

Now, I ain't never got to tellin' you his name.

Saffron drops all pretense -- the jig is up.

 

SAFFRON

Hell. Fine. Be like that.

 

She pulls away from Monty and

starts neatening herself up, brushing back her hair, wiping the

dirt from her face.

 

CUT TO:

 

A4 EXT. DUST PLANET - NIGHT

 

MONTY'S SHIP as its engines FIRE

UP, whipping a small cloud of dust around the tiny figures of

Saffron and Mal.

 

SAFFRON stands with her arms

crossed, looking up irritably, lit by the OS glare of the ship's

lights. Mal is in the BG, with the crates. He dabs at his bloody

nose with a white kerchief. Monty's voice echoes down over the

SHIP'S LOUDSPEAKER, choked with hurt.

 

MONTY (OS)

Damn you, Bridget! Damn you to

Hades!

You broke my heart in a million

pieces! You made me love you,

and

then you -- I SHAVED OFF MY BEARD

FOR YOU,

DEVIL WOMAN!

 

After a beat, a DUFFEL BAG drops

into the frame from above, SLAMMING into the ground. The OS ship

pulls away with a burst of engine thrust, the light from it

fading.

 

SAFFRON (cont'd)

[BUN

tyen-shung duh ee-DWAY-RO.]

 

She moves to the duffel bag,

crouches, unzips it, and roots around inside. The barrel of Mal's

pistol enters frame, pressing against her temple.

 

MAL

You're gonna wanna pull your

claw

out of that bag, nice and

slow.

 

SAFFRON

Relax. I'm not going for a gun

or

anything.

 

She slowly pulls a small cylinder

out of the bag, and shows it to him, cranking it. It's

lipstick.

 

SAFFRON (cont'd)

Just freshening up.

 

She's about to apply it when Mal

snatches it and hucks it out into the OS desert.

 

MAL

You and lipstick are a

dangerous

combination, if I recall.

(gestures with gun)

Turn around.

 

She does so, with some impatience.

Mal moves in and frisks her, trying to be businesslike, but she

responds in a way that crackles with sexual tension.

 

SAFFRON

Oh... Yeah... Just like old

times.

 

MAL

We don't have any old times. I

just

don't want you pullin' a pistol

out

of... of anywhere...

 

She writhes into him a little as he

finishes frisking her.

 

SAFFRON

(super sexy)

Mmmm. You missed a spot...

 

Mal gives her a rough shove and she

stumbles forward a step.

 

MAL

Can't miss a place you've never

been.

 

She is freaky -- turns to him not

with anger, but with practiced emotion -- playing to Mal as if

they have a troubled, but real marriage.

 

SAFFRON

Marriage is hard work, Mal, I know

it... That doesn't mean we should

just

give up...

(moves closer to him)

Sure, we've had our spats. Maybe

I

made some bad decisions along the

way.

 

MAL

Oh, you are a tweaked one, you

are.

 

SAFFRON

(smiles)

But face it, hubby, I'm really

hot.

 

MAL

Mmm huh.

(waves gun at her)

Start walkin'.

 

SAFFRON

Walking? Walking where?

 

MAL

Pick a direction. Just don't

turn

around.

 

SAFFRON

Come on, Mal.

 

MAL

This is my scrap of nowhere. You

go

on, find your own.

 

SAFFRON

You can't just leave me here, on

this

lifeless piece of crap

moon...

 

MAL

I can.

 

SAFFRON

I'll die.

 

MAL

Well, as a courtesy, you might

start

getting busy on that, cause all

this

chatter ain't doin' me any

kindness.

 

Saffron seems done with the full

court press, more herself now.

 

SAFFRON

Why don't you just go ahead and

shoot

me, then?

 

MAL

I dunno.

(thinks on this)

Why didn't you shoot me? Back

when I took my eyes off you for

a

split? I'm shamed to say it, but I

gave

you the window.

 

SAFFRON

(condescending sigh)

You and Monty fought in the

war

together, right?

(he nods)

Yeah, I smelled that. The war buddy

bond's tough to crack. I knew

that

if I shot you I'd lose Monty

anyways.

You just had a better hand of

cards

this time.

 

MAL

It ain't a hand of cards. It's

called

a life.

 

SAFFRON

Seriously, Mal. You got to give

me

a ride

 

MAL

(bitter laugh)

Woman, you are completely off

your

nut.

 

SAFFRON

I won't make trouble. You can stick

me in one of those crates if

you

like. Just don't leave me

he-

 

Mal SHOOTS. A bullet kicks up the

dust about three feet from her. A beat. She sticks out her tongue.

ANOTHER BULLET kicks up dust, two feet away. Another beat. She

bends, lifting one strap of her heavy bag. She starts dragging it

off, struggling. Then she stops and turns again.

 

SAFFRON (cont'd)

This was all your fault, you know.

I

had the perfect crime lined

up.

 

MAL

Sure. You were going to steal a

man's beard.

 

SAFFRON

No you ! [HOE-tze duh

PEE-goo!] A million-square job.

The

big time. I was going to cut

Monty

and his crew in, but you screwed

that

royal.

 

MAL

(raises gun again)

Odd, but I don't think I'll be

losing

any sleep over it.

 

SAFFRON

I've got the layout, entrance

codes,

believe me, this practically

robs itself.

 

MAL

Bye-bye now.

 

SAFFRON

I'm handing you a fortune on a

gold

platter, sweetheart! Don't you

even

want to hear the details?

 

Mal considers that for a beat, then

looks at the kerchief, BLOODIED from his nose. He raises the gun

again.

 

Serenity lands.

 

4 INT. SERENITY - CARGO BAY -

NIGHT

 

JAYNE walks up to the cargo bay

door. Behind him, BOOK, SIMON, KAYLEE, and ZOE stand at the

ready

 

The airlock opens, and the ramp

beyond it starts to lower.

 

The lowering ramp reveals Mal,

standing in front of the pile of crates, alone. He doesn't look

too happy. He has a wadded up TWIST OF TORN KERCHIEF in each

nostril, to stem the blood.

 

JAYNE (cont'd)

Whoa, cap... Don't tell me

you

got into a fight with Monty.

 

KAYLEE

Oh, really? But I thought we loved

Monty!

(to Zoe, sincere

question)

We love Monty, don't we?

 

ZOE

Sweetie, he had a tussle with

that

sasquatch, we'd all be in the dirt

right

about now, scoopin' up the

Captain's

teeth.

 

Mal stomps up the ramp, holding

them all in an even glare.

 

ZOE (cont'd)

Ain't that so, sir?

 

MAL

You know what? I don't

particular

want to talk about it. We

got

work to do. Let's shut up and do

it.

 

Zoe looks from the Captain to the

others, then back, eyebrows raised. WASH comes down the cargo bay

stairs closest to the bridge, stops by Mal.

 

WASH

Inara was asking for you. Wanted to

--

 

Mal walks away.

 

WASH (cont'd)

So later with the talking

then.

 

Wash walks down toward camera,

mouthing words to Zoe and Book, who carry one of the crates up the

ramp.

 

WASH (cont'd)

(mouthed silently)

'What happened?'

 

5 EXT. SPACE

 

Just a stock shot of Serenity for

transition please.

 

6 INT. SERENITY - INARA'S

SHUTTLE

 

Mal enters INARA's chamber --

 

MAL

Hear you're looking for me?

 

-- to find her seated, preparing

tea. Her whole attitude is formal, yet inviting...

 

INARA

I was. Care to sit?

 

He does, slowly.

 

INARA (cont'd)

I was hoping we could talk a

little

business. Would you like some

tea?

 

He stands again, less

slowly.

 

MAL

Okay, what's your game?

 

INARA

I offered you tea.

 

MAL

Uh-huh. After inviting me into your

shuttle

of your own free will, which

makes

two events without

precedent,

which makes me more'n a

little

skittish.

 

INARA

Honestly, Mal, if we can't

be

civilized and talk like-

 

MAL

I'm plenty civilized. You're

using

wiles on me.

 

INARA

I'm using what?

 

MAL

Your feminine wiles. Your

Companion

training, or some might say

uncanny

ability to make a man sweaty

and/or

compliant, of which I've had

just

about enough of today.

 

INARA

Maybe this isn't the best

time.

 

MAL

No, no. This is a fine time. You

just talk plainly,

is all.

 

INARA

I'm not sleeping with you,

Mal.

 

Beat.

 

MAL

Uh, no, I think I would have

noticed.

I think my keenly trained

senses would have...

 

INARA

You're not my lover. Neither are

you

my mother, my House Mistress nor

anyone who has the slightest say

in

how I conduct my affairs.

 

MAL

Well enough. So?

 

INARA

So let me conduct my

affairs!

 

MAL

Who's keeping you from conduct--

 

INARA

I haven't had a client for

three

weeks. Backwater moons,

slums,

frontier planets without so much

as

a temple built --

 

MAL

We go where the work is!

 

INARA

There's all kinds of work,

Mal

 

MAL

And ours is the kind that gets

you

shut down by the Alliance. I opt to

stay

off the radar.

 

INARA

There are plenty of worlds where

both

of us could work. We used to

visit

them, remember?

 

MAL

[EE-chee shung-hoo-shee.] Are you

saying I'm

doing this deliberate on account

of

you? That there's some reason I,

I

want you off the job?

 

INARA

Is there?

 

MAL

(laughs incredulously)

This is one of the crazier

things I've heard today and when

I

tell you about the rest of my day,

you'll appreciate just --

 

INARA

I'm not accusing you of

anything, Mal, it's just --

 

MAL

Hey, no, let's set a course for the

Planet

of the Lonely Rich yet

Appropriately

Hygienic Man. I'll tell Wash.

We can park there for a

month.

 

INARA

(rises as well)

Not all of your work is illegal,

Mal. And

the best --

 

MAL

You want to keep me off the

job now?

 

INARA

-- the best job you ever

pulled

was on a central planet!

 

MAL

How about I stay out of your

whoring --

 

INARA

Well, that didn't take long --

 

They're right in each other's faces

now, goin' at it.

 

MAL

You keep out of my thieving. I

know my job very well, thank

you very much.

 

INARA

Right. You're a criminal

mastermind.

What was the last cargo we snuck

past

the Alliance to transport?

 

MAL

That was perfect --

 

INARA

What was the cargo?

 

MAL

They were dolls!

 

INARA

They were little geisha dolls with

big heads that wobbled!

 

MAL

Hey! People love those!

 

INARA

And what exactly was our net

profit

on the famous wobbly-headed

doll

caper?

 

MAL

"Our" cut? So you're in the gang

now?

 

INARA

Well, since I can't seem to find

work

as companion, I might as well

become

a petty thief like you!

 

Beat. Oops. The air goes out of

both of them.

 

MAL

Petty.

 

INARA

(backtracking)

I didn't mean petty.

 

MAL

What did you mean?

 

INARA

(meekly)

[Suo-SHEE?]

 

MAL

That's Chinese for petty.

 

INARA

No, that's a narrow... there

are

nuances of meaning that...

 

MAL

Maybe you shoulda stuck with

your

wiles.

 

INARA

Don't put all of this on me, Mal.

You

know you haven't been after

serious

work in a -

 

MAL

Serious work? You wanna know

wha--,

if, I --

 

He stops himself.

 

INARA

What?

 

MAL

Nothing.

 

7 INT. SERENITY - CARGO BAY - SOON

AFTER

 

Mal goes to the crates, finds one

that has TWO BULLET HOLES in its lid. He pries it open, pulls the

lid away to reveal Saffron.

 

MAL

All right. Tell me more about

this

job a' yours.

 

Frowning with discomfort, wedged

kinda sexily into a shipment of PROTEIN PACKETS, sits Our Mrs.

Reynolds...

 

  CUT TO BLACK:

 

END OF ACT ONE

 

Act 2

Shun-SHENG duh gao-WAHN神圣的睾丸 Holy Testicle Tuesday!

 

8 INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA

 

Jayne, Zoe, Wash and Kaylee are all gathered at the dining room table. Presently they're staring a bit open-mouthed at -- MAL AND SAFFRON standing variously before them as Saffron makes her pitch.

 

SAFFRON

The mark's name is Durran Haymer.

He may be one of the biggest collectors

of Earth-That-Was artifacts in the

'verse. Guy's got warehouses full of

stuff. But his prize piece is

sitting in his parlor -- an antiquity

of unspeakable value: The Lassiter.

The original hand-held laser pistol.

One of only two known to still exist.

The forerunner of all modern laser

technology. Haymer got lucky, picked

it up during the war for nothing.

 

MAL

But it wasn't just luck.

(then)

Tell them.

 

SAFFRON

Haymer's Alliance. Bio-weapons

expert during the war. He'd target

neighborhoods with valuables, wipe

out every living soul without ever

damaging the goods. Go in, take

whatever he wanted.

 

MAL

Now he's living fat on a private estate

on Bellerophon.

 

Saffron holds up some future computer disks.

 

SAFFRON

I've managed to get ahold of his

schedule for the next 18 months --

a layout of the estate grounds...

and every security code for the

place.

 

She places the disks on the table. No one moves to touch them.

 

MAL

Saffron has a notion we can

walk right in there, take The Lassiter right off

his shelf.

 

More with the staring. Finally Wash speaks.

 

WASH

I'm confused...

 

SAFFRON

(ahead of him)

You're asking yourself if I've got

the security codes, why don't I

go in, grab it for myself?

 

WASH

No. Actually... I was wondering...

(to Mal, suddenly)

What's she doing on this ship!?

Didn't she try to kill us?

 

SAFFRON

(rolls her eyes)

Please. Nobody died last time.

 

WASH

We're in space. How'd she get here?

 

MAL

She hitched.

 

WASH

I don't recall pulling over...

 

MAL

Look. Point is, this ain't no

wobbly-headed doll caper. This

here's history.

 

Jayne's been thinking very hard. Raises his hand

 

JAYNE

Okay. I got a question. If she's

got the security codes, why don't she

just walk in and grab it herself?

 

A beat as they stare. Then:

 

SAFFRON

Good point. Getting through the door

and putting our hands on the Lassiter

it's easy. Getting out with it...

that's the tricky part.

 

MAL

It's tagged and coded. Second it

passes through the door -- alarms,

security, feds.

 

SAFFRON

This isn't a one-woman operation. To

do this right, I'm going to need...

 

INARA (O.S)

Idiots.

 

They turn. Inara has entered the room.

 

SAFFRON

Partners.

 

INARA

Dupes. That's what you'll all be

if you trust her.

 

MAL

Could be that's so. Lord knows ain't

none of us here "criminal masterminds."

So if you got something better,

Inara -- something not "petty" --

well we'd sure be willing to hear it.

 

A beat as Inara and Mal hold the look between them. Saffron doesn't hate the tension that's evident here. Finally:

 

INARA

(turns and goes)

[Nee mun DOH

shr sagwa.]

 

MAL

(looks back to gang)

So. The question remains -- how

do we get the artifact out without

setting off the alarms?

 

KAYLEE

(reaches for the disk)

This the layout?

 

SAFFRON

Full blueprints of the entire

grounds.

 

KAYLEE

Could be we look hard enough, we'll find

a way.

 

Mal smiles, that's what he likes to hear.

 

MAL

You dig into that, little Kaylee.

(looks to Zoe)

Zoe? You ain't said a word. Time to

weigh in.

 

ZOE

Take sounds ripe enough.

Assuming we can fence it.

 

SAFFRON

I know a guy on Persephone.

Already has half dozen buyers on

the bid.

 

ZOE

But Inara ain't wrong --

(eyes on Saffron; stands)

-- she can't be trusted.

 

MAL

I ain't asking you to trust her.

I'll be with her on the inside the

whole time.

 

SAFFRON

See there? All you gotta

do to be a rich woman,

hon, is get over it.

 

ZOE

Mmmm. Okay.

 

POW -- Zoe hauls off and slugs Saffron in the mouth. She goes down on her tush. Everyone's a little astonished.

 

ZOE (cont'd)

(to Mal)

I'm in.

 

Off nobody offering to help Saffron up --

 

9 INT. SIMON'S ROOM - DAY

 

Jayne is dumping off a bunch of food and water packets, talking to Simon and River.

 

JAYNE

Captain says you're to stay put.

Doesn't want you to run afoul of his

blushin' psychotic bride. She

figures out who you are, she'll turn

you in 'fore you can... say... "don't

turn me in, lady".

 

SIMON

This bounty on us just keeps getting

more exciting.

 

JAYNE

(busying himself)

Well, I wouldn't know.

 

RIVER

(looking at Jayne)

She's a liar.

 

JAYNE

That don't exactly set her apart from

the rest of us. The plunder

sounds fun enough.

 

RIVER

She's a liar and no good will come of

her.

 

JAYNE

Well, as a rule, I say girlfolk

ain't to be trusted.

 

RIVER

Jayne is a girl's name.

 

JAYNE

Well, Jayne ain't a girl.

(to Simon)

She starts in on that "girl's name"

thing, I show her good an' all I

got man parts.

 

SIMON

I'm trying to think of a way for you

to be cruder. I just -- it's not coming.

 

JAYNE

I WAS gonna leave you a deck of

cards...

 

He goes, shutting the door behind him.

 

SIMON

Great. Another exciting adventure in

sitting.

 

RIVER

Afraid.

 

SIMON

We'll be okay. Why the captain is

trusting that [BOO hway-HUN duh PUO-foo]--

 

RIVER

Not her. Jayne.

 

SIMON

(amused)

Afraid? Since when?

 

RIVER

Since Ariel.

 

Simon is no longer amused.

 

RIVER (cont'd)

Afraid we'll know.

 

10 INT. SERENITY - CARGO BAY - CATWALKS

 

Zoe is headed up the catwalks from the cargo bay, Inara comes down the stairs leading from the bridge, heading to her shuttle.

 

ZOE

We should be on Bellerophon by oh-

six. I figure the job should take --

 

INARA

Please. I really don't wanna know.

 

ZOE

Least it's your kind of world.

Got appointments made?

 

INARA

Minute we hit atmo, I'm gone.

I booked a few choice clients,

should help me get my mind off Mal's

descent into lunacy -

 

Zoe starts to leave.

 

INARA

Zoe. Don't let Mal trust her. Everything

Saffron is, is a lie. She'll get the

drop on him - which as far as I'm

concerned is what he richly deserves.

 

ZOE

I ain't sayin' it ain't risky. Don't

count Mal out, though. He just knows

the estate is -

 

Inara holds up her hands.

 

INARA

No details. I meant that. Just

be careful.

 

ZOE

See you when we're wealthy...

 

They split up, Zoe heading up toward the bridge, Inara going into her shuttle

 

ANGLE: SAFFRON - has been eavesdropping from above, near the second shuttle. Mal steps out-

 

MAL

Hey! You give me a hand in here. No

wandering about, remember? Or I'll

stick you back in your crate.

 

11 INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA

 

Mal, Zoe, Jayne, Wash, Kaylee and Saffron are gathered around the table. Kaylee has the portable display (seen in "Ariel") with the estate schematics. It gets passed around as she and Wash speak:

 

WASH

Bellerophon Estates... Home to the

rich and paranoid... gracious

living... ocean views...

 

11 EXT. BELLEROPHON - DAY

 

Ocean as far as the eye can see. Floating about the blue expanse are enormous manors -- estates hovering a mile above the water, complete with greenery, landscaping, etc.

 

WASH (V.O.)

... and state-of-the-art security,

including local patrols, and multi-

code-keys needed at all entrances and

exits...

 

A13 INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA - CONTINUOUS

 

SAFFRON

Which we have --

 

WASH

Right. You and Mal will split off in

Shuttle II as we make our approach...

 

B13 EXT. BELLEROPHON - DAY

 

SERENITY zooms into the shot. Shuttle II splits off from Serenity, veering slightly up. CAMERA STAYS WITH SHUTTLE II as it approaches the floating estate, other flying vehicles coming and going.

 

WASH (V.O.)

There's a landing port just south of

the main house.

 

13 INT. SHUTTLE II - DAY

 

Mal at the helm.

 

MAL

Prepped for landing. You ready?

 

Saffron appears from the back, two ENORMOUS FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS in her arms.

 

SAFFRON

Ready.

 

14 EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - DAY

 

The well manicured grounds. SHUTTLE II lands in the distance. CAMERA PANS to find various DOMESTICS bustling about who carry covered trays, carts loaded with fine China, a BARTENDER setting up an outdoor bar, etc.

 

WASH (V.O.)

Haymer's throwing a big party this

weekend, so you should have no

trouble blending in with the hired help

who'll be there setting up.

 

CAMERA FINDS Mal and Saffron carrying the flower arrangements, now moving through all of this.

 

WASH (cont'd; V.O.)

All you gotta do is get through the

back door.

 

15 EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - BACK ENTRANCE - DAY

 

Mal and Saffron arrive at the back door. Saffron pulls out a punch-pad and small round "enabler." Attaches the small cylinder to the door, taps in her code, the cylinder LIGHTS --

 

MAL (V.O.)

That shouldn't be a problem, unless

someone has been less than truthful --

 

The DOOR CLICKS open, Saffron looks to Mal, smiles...

 

16 INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA

 

Saffron's looking to Mal, here, too.

 

KAYLEE

The parlor with The Lassiter's on the

ninth floor. You'll have to disable

the display. Won't be any trouble.

'Course, once you get the goods in your hands,

you can't take it out the

front door, nor the back door, nor

any door. Every piece of pretty is

tagged for the scanners.

 

SAFFRON

So what do we do?

 

KAYLEE

(to Wash)

You wanna tell them?

 

WASH

(waves it to her)

It was your genius idea.

 

KAYLEE

(proud)

You chuck it in the garbage.

 

19 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - CORRIDORS - DAY

 

Mal and Saffron exit further into the estate. WE STAY WITH the Housekeeper who moves to a chute opening. She dumps the bag down, then moves to a panel on the opposite wall.

 

KAYLEE (V.O.)

All the estates on Bellerophon

use this automated garbage drone system.

You hit one little button, and the

drone whooshes off with the trash.

 

The Housekeeper touches the panel. Words appear ONSCREEN: "READY FOR DISPOSAL. YES. NO." She touches "yes."

 

20 EXT. UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY

 

Underneath the floating estate, a futuristic dumpster (lined with computer panels) is latched onto the body of the estate. We hear the low THUD of the bag landing inside.

 

A flying GARBAGE DRONE GLIDES INTO FRAME, flies towards the dumpster, and its forklift-like claws clamp onto the dumpster with a loud METALLIC KLANG

 

The dumpster shudders with the impact, then detaches from the structure and the drone whisks it away. Another dumpster drops into place where the other one was.

 

A20 INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA - CONTINUOUS

 

SAFFRON

(not really)

Brilliant.

 

KAYLEE

Thanks.

 

SAFFRON

Except it's idiotic. The

drones take the disposal bins

straight to reclamation. Thirty

seconds after we hit the button, the

booty'll be incinerated.

 

KAYLEE

Not if we reprogram the bin. Give it

new coordinates.

Once I override the standard guidance

protocol, I can tell that disposal bin

to go wherever we want.

 

21 INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA

 

SAFFRON

And where would that be?

 

WASH

The loneliest piece of desert we can

find. Here. Isis Canyon. The drone

dumps the bin, we claim the goods

when we're all together again.

 

SAFFRON

And how do you plan to get to the bin

to reprogram it?

 

KAYLEE

You get to the loot, and we'll get to

the bin.

 

24 EXT. SERENITY/UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY

 

WIDE - CGI. Serenity RISES INTO FRAME, hovering steadily a few feet below the dumpster. Bright sunlight and wind whipping up here.

 

CLOSER -- THE HATCH opens and Jayne emerges. He's wearing goggles, his thrilling heroics hat and a harness with cable (which dangles at the moment.)

 

Wash and Zoe are on the bridge as Wash delicately keeps Serenity in place.

 

Jayne pulls himself out of the hatch and crawls carefully up the hull and attaches the safety latch of his cable to a rung on the ship.

 

Now from the hatch Kaylee emerges, also wearing goggles and protection from the wind and cold. She hands up the end of her safety harness to Jayne. He clips it. She hands him out a tool kit. He takes it, then helps her up onto the top of the ship. She crawls toward him on her belly. They're under the bin, now.

 

He makes her lie flat, one arm over her protecting her as he pulls out his com, speaks into it, telling over the ROARING WIND --

 

JAYNE (O.S.)

All right! We're planted!

 

25 INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE - DAY

 

JAYNE (V.O., FILTERED)

Take her up --

 

Wash white knuckling it. Zoe at his shoulder. He pulls back on the controls as...

 

26 EXT. SERENITY/UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY

 

Jayne and Kaylee still lying flat. Serenity rises up. Jayne and Kaylee look up as the bottom of the estate looms closer.

 

JAYNE (into com)

That's good! That's good! Hold 'er steady.

Hold 'er there.

 

Kaylee, still face down, pops open her mobile tool kit, hands an electric (space age?) screwdriver to Jayne. Jayne gets to his feet with great care -- reaches up to the control panel side of the trash bin. It's all very precarious now as he sets to work on the panel, removing the face of it....

 

28 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - CORRIDOR - DAY

 

Mal sneaks down a corridor, Saffron standing watch at the other end of the hall. She's keeping an eye on Mal -- specifically, on his ass. Mal turns to her --

 

MAL

Clear.

 

She trots down to him, looks at a Palm-like device which displays the house's blueprints.

 

MAL (cont'd)

Which way?

 

SAFFRON

Right.

 

They continue on.

 

29 EXT. UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY

 

Wash and Zoe still on station.

 

Jayne pulls off the front panel of the control mechanism, sets about removing the innards, hands the motherboard down to Kaylee, who begins to work on it.

 

30 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - CORRIDOR - DAY

 

Mal and Saffron move down another corridor -- one that opens into a larger room. Saffron peeks at her Palm as Mal peers into the room, addresses him in a whisper --

 

SAFFRON

This should be it.

 

Mal holds up a finger. The sound of VOICES in the other room slowly drifts away. Then he nods and they walk into --

 

31 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY

 

The ENTER into a room that defines opulence. Beautiful furnishings, expensive art on the walls. Memorabilia of Earth-That-Was fills the room. This room alone cost millions to decorate

 

MAL

[Shun-SHENG

duh gao-WAHN]

 

And on the mantel, in the proper place of honor: a Buck Rogers lookin' Laser Gun. It is to phasers what those huge old clunky cell phones were to modern ones.

 

SAFFRON

Let's get to work...

 

MAL

Yeah.

 

32 EXT. SERENITY/ UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY

 

Kaylee hands the jerry-rigged motherboard back to Jayne.

 

KAYLEE

Okay! She's set!

(yelling over the roar of

wind)

Careful! It's hot!

 

Jayne nods, starts to replace the innards. Serenity rises up a few inches, closing the distance between the bottom of the estate and Jayne's head.

 

JAYNE

(sharply into com)

Gorram it, Wash! Hold her steady!

 

33 INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE

 

Wash and more with the white knuckles.

 

WASH

Sorry...

 

Wash eases off...

 

34 EXT. SERENITY/UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY

 

As Serenity dips ever so slightly, Jayne gets a bit more "head room." Continues to work. Kaylee reacts as she watches:

 

KAYLEE

Jayne! The dyna-ram's live!

 

He can't hear what she's saying over the ROAR. Glances at her, annoyed --

 

JAYNE

What?

 

KAYLEE

(worried)

The dyna-ram. Don't touch it --

 

ZAP! A BLUE BOLT of energy jumps out of the bin control innards zapping Jayne and knocking him out. He falls and lands hard on the top of Serenity and starts sliding, out like a light. Kaylee instinctively grasps for the tether as Jayne's body slides and rolls, the tether taught. This all happens very fast and off Kaylee's SCREAM!

 

KAYLEE

Whoa. Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Whoa!

 

35 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY

 

Mal and Saffron set down their flower displays, move to it. Mal holds up a small aerosol-looking can, sprays and a FORCE FIELD becomes visible for a moment. Mal reaches into his flowers, pulls out a mini- tool kit.

 

Mal uses a space-aged allen wrench as he digs into an open panel under the Lassiter.

 

MAL

Where's the trash chute?

 

SAFFRON

We passed it in the vestibule

 

FOOTSTEPS...

 

SAFFRON (cont'd)

Wait! Shh! Someone's coming...

 

Mal quickly shuts the panel, moves away just as -- DURRAN HAYMER, the master of the house, enters the room, freezing both Mal and Saffron. He looks from one to the other, in shock.

 

DURRAN

(to Mal)

You...

 

Mal waits.

 

DURRAN (cont'd)

You found her...!

 

He takes Saffron in his arms.

 

DURRAN (cont'd)

You brought back my wife!

 

Off Mal, in jaded awe

 

  BLACK OUT.

 

 

Act 3

They killed Heinrich? Ah!

36 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR -

DAY

Durran holds Saffron close to

him... His face is away from Mal's, hers toward Mal. She looks

vexed, though she hugs him back.

 

DURRAN

Oh, my dear...

 

Mal mimes hitting the guy. Saffron

shakes her head slightly, no.

 

DURRAN (cont'd)

Oh, my own sweet Yolanda...

 

Mal mouths 'Yolanda?', amused.

Durran holds her at arms length.

 

A37 INT. SERENITY - FOREDECK HALL -

BELOW HATCH, LOWERING

 

Zoe (who's wearing goggles and

anti-wind-clothing) and Book struggle to lower the dead weight of

an unconscious Jayne into the ship. Zoe is half up the ladder,

using Jayne's tether to guide him down to Book. She wears a tether

harness vest now.

 

Zoe unhitches his tether line and

Jayne's full weight topples toward Book. He staggers back, pinned

against the wall of the corridor by Jayne's bulk.

 

BOOK

(wheezes)

Lord -- this boy weighs a solid ton

--

 

He lowers Jayne to the floor. Simon

appears, having been summoned. Zoe hitches the tether line to her

vest.

 

ZOE

Doctor, you got yourself a patient

to

see to.

 

Simon nods, face clouded with

subtle darkness.

 

SIMON

Yes. I'll take care of him.

 

Simon moves to assist Book. Zoe

hauls herself up out of the hatch.

 

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR -

DAY

 

DURRAN (cont'd)

I thought I'd never see you

again.

 

He's fighting welling emotion. To

Mal:

 

DURRAN

Forgive me... I don't mean to make

a

show...

 

MAL

Please. I'm the one who's

intruding.

 

DURRAN

Not at all. I owe you a great

debt

of thanks.

 

MAL

Just gave the lady a lift.

 

DURRAN

No. You've done much more than

that. You've

returned to me the only thing I

truly

treasure.

 

MAL

Well, then, this is a day I'll

feel

good to be me.

 

DURRAN

Do I owe you any --

 

MAL

No, ah. Trip weren't even out of

our way.

 

SAFFRON

I promised him 800 square.

 

MAL

No, but we never agreed and

--

 

DURRAN

Please. I'd be embarrassed not

to

make some recompense... In my

study,

I... Are you hungry? You both

look

so tired, there's food,

or...

Yolanda, I'm babbling like a

moon

brain...

 

SAFFRON

Hush. We'll both have plenty to

say

by nightfall.

 

DURRAN

Six years...

 

SAFFRON

Is that all?

 

DURRAN

From the day they found your

shuttle --

 

SAFFRON

They set on me at Parth, these

awful

men...

 

MAL

That wasn't me. I didn't know

those men...

 

SAFFRON

They said they wanted ransom, but

they sold me to slavers...

 

MAL

Also unknown to me...

 

DURRAN

(ashamed)

When you left, I thought... Well,

you

disappeared the same day as

Heinrich --

 

SAFFRON

Heinrich?

 

DURRAN

The security programmer. And he

was

young, and I saw you two

talking,

and I thought -- but after they

found

his body...

 

MAL

They killed Heinrich? Ah! Guess

he

wasn't useful anymore.

 

DURRAN

(to Saffron)

I never stopped looking.

 

SAFFRON

I knew you wouldn't

(tears and all)

That's the thought that kept me

alive.

 

They kiss passionately. Mal looks

around, at his nails, at the wall...

 

SAFFRON (cont'd)

(seductively)

We have so much time to

make-up...

 

MAL

Well, that's my cue to

skedaddle...

 

DURRAN

Let me get your money.

(to Saffron)

You won't disappear again?

 

SAFFRON

Never.

 

He goes. A beat, as her loving look

hardens.

 

SAFFRON (cont'd)

We gotta move fast.

 

As Mal returns to the dismantling

of the force field with his sp-allen wrench...

 

MAL

Yeah, he might come back and hug

us

in the act.

 

Mal continues his

dismantling...

 

SAFFRON

You don't know him. He's everything

I said he was.

 

MAL

Oh, yeah, he's a killer of men. Why

I'll

bet he even eats up babies.

 

SAFFRON

You're wasting time.

 

He's actually being very efficient

while continuing.

 

MAL

But let's take a breath

here,

Yolanda. You're sneaking into

a

place you could walk into as

welcome

as glad news. What's the math

on

that?

 

SAFFRON

The math on that is you not adding

up that

Durran Haymer would as soon cut

your

throat as he would --

 

MAL

-- You would?

 

SAFFRON

If possible.

 

MAL

Nope. That ain't it at all.

You'da

knocked him on the brain, were

that

the case. You don't want him to

know

the truth. Unlike all the other --

I'm

gonna go with hundreds -- of

men

you've married, you actually

want

this one to think well of you

when

you've gone.

 

A FLASH and WE SEE the FORCE FIELD

appear then DISAPPEAR. Mal reaches in easily, grabs The

Lassiter.

 

MAL (cont'd)

My god... Could it be I've

actually

met your real husband?

 

She has backed up to her flower

arrangement, whips out a small gun at him, furious.

 

SAFFRON

Congratulations. Anything else

you

want on your tombstone, you piece

of

crap?

 

DURRAN

Now I'm intruding.

 

She puts the gun down, genuinely

upset that Durran has busted her.

 

SAFFRON

Durran... This isn't what it looks

like...

 

MAL

Unless it looks like we're

stealing

your priceless Lassiter, 'cause

that's

what we're doing. Don't ask me

about

the gun, though, 'cause that's new.

 

DURRAN

Well. I appreciate your

honesty.

Not, you know, a lot, but --

 

SAFFRON

Durran, you don't know what he's

forced me to --

 

DURRAN

Stop. Yolanda, please just stop.

 

There is a terrible sadness in his

voice. And a frantic misery in hers:

 

SAFFRON

Don't look at me like

that.

 

As he says this, Mal has elegantly

moved past Durran, dropped the Lassiter into the trash cute just

outside the door, hit the button.

 

A beat. She whips the gun at

Durran.

 

SAFFRON (cont'd)

I said don't look at me like

that!

 

She might just shoot him as we GO

TO:

 

39 EXT. UNDERSIDE OF FLOATING

ESTATE - DAY

 

Kaylee teeters on precarious

tippy-toe, straining to plug a piece of HARDWARE into the top part

of the control panel on the dumpster. Zoe steadies her, heels dug

in, one hand gripping Kaylee's tether.

 

KAYLEE

Almost done. I just got to

plug

the interface strike-plate

in and...

 

There's a CLACKING of machinery

from the dumpster, and a BEACON LIGHT begins flashing.

 

ZOE

That's a pick-up call -- How we

doing?

 

Kaylee strains but can't quite

reach.

 

KAYLEE

(growls)

I can't reach it --

 

Zoe speaks into her com.

 

ZOE

Wash -- we need more

altitude -- now --

 

INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE - DAY

 

WASH

Working on it, dear --

 

EXT. UNDERSIDE OF FLOATING ESTATE -

DAY

 

ZOE'S POV - of A GARBAGE DRONE in

the distance, taking a hard turn towards them, like a shark nosing

toward its prey.

 

ZOE

Kaylee...

 

Kaylee fumbles with the plate as

Serenity lurches up another foot or two.

 

ZOE (cont'd)

KayleeKayleeKaylee --

KayleeKayleeKaylee...

 

Kaylee snaps the strike-plate into

place.

 

KAYLEE

Okay, got it!

 

Zoe pulls hard on Kaylee's tether

--

 

GARBAGE BIN

 

...as Kaylee is yanked hard down

OUT OF FRAME, just as the drone SLAMS into place, right where

Kaylee had been a micro-second before. It attaches to the dumpster

with a DEAFENING BONG.

 

GO TO:

 

42 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR -

DAY

 

Mal inching his way around from the

door; Saffron staring down Durran, gun pointed at him...

 

MAL

Let's not get all worked up

here --

 

SAFFRON

Are you really so naive? Do

you

think your life is anything

to

me?

 

Mal is next to his flower

arrangement -- whip quick he pulls his own gun from it, is drawn

and pointed at her in a heartbeat.

 

MAL

All right. No one's killing any

folk today,

on account of we got a very

tight

schedule. Yo-Saf-Bridge-- we'll

get

on about our --

(suddenly as fierce

as a cop)

DROP IT, NOW!

 

He comes at her as he shouts it,

his whole attitude wrought with controlled fury, putting the gun

to her head. She drops hers to the floor, knowing he means

business, but never takes her eyes off Durran. They play

everything to each other, even when talking to Mal. (Mal retrieves

her gun, pockets it.)

 

SAFFRON

Did you think I was a princess?

That

I would stay locked up here in

the

tower? With you?

 

DURRAN

I hoped.

 

SAFFRON

You're a rutting fool.

 

40 INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE -

DAY

 

Wash pilots hard as Zoe's voice

crackles in over the com.

 

ZOE (O.S.)

We're in! Go! Go!

 

WASH

Copy that--

 

Wash pulls back on his

controls.

 

41 EXT. UNDERSIDE OF FLOATING

ESTATE - DAY

 

Serenity drops away from the

underbelly, peeling into a dive and sailing off, as the drone

detaches the dumpster and flies off in the opposite

direction.

 

INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY

 

MAL

Saffron, you wanna finish the

damn

job here, 'cause we're short on

minutes.

I'm sorry, mister --

 

DURRAN

How long have you been with

him?

 

MAL

Oh, we are not together.

 

SAFFRON

He's my husband.

 

MAL

Well, who in the damn galaxy ain't?

 

She starts working.

 

DURRAN

I feel so bad for you.

 

SAFFRON

(laughs)

Bad for me? I'm not the

patsy

being stole from. If you had half

a

brain you'da called the Feds

the

minute you saw me.

 

DURRAN

Oh, I did.

 

They stop. He points to his ring.

It's modern, with a stone like a button. That is a button.

 

DURRAN (cont'd)

Emergency signal. For

kidnappings

and the like. I love you,

Yolanda,

but I couldn't think for a second

that you

actually came here for me.

 

The sound of approaching cops,

etc.

 

DURRAN (cont'd)

That would be them now.

 

A beat, as Mal and Saffron

fume.

 

SAFFRON

Men.

 

43 EXT. FLOATING ESTATE GROUNDS -

CONTINUING

 

As a trio of POLICE CRUISER-SHIPS

descend on the estate, sirens blaring, lights flashing.

 

Act 4

Yeah... that went well.

44 INT. FLOATING ESTATE -

DAY

 

We hear the SIRENS and POLICE

ANNOUNCING their arrival. Saffron sidles desperately up to

Durran...

 

SAFFRON

Durran, peaches, just call them

off.

Tell them it was a mistake.

 

DURRAN

You need help, Yolanda.

 

SAFFRON

I'll do anything you want me to...

you know

how I can make you feel...

 

DURRAN

Please. You're embarrassing

yourself.

 

She punches him into

unconsciousness.

 

SAFFRON

I'm embarrassing? Who's the dupe

on

the floor?

 

MAL

I hate to bring up our

imminent

arrest during your crazy time, but

we

gotta go.

 

He grabs her arm, and they take

off.

 

A45 EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - GROUNDS

- DAY

 

COPS (armed with those SONIC RIFLES

we saw in Ariel) at the doors, speaking into a COM.

 

POLICE SERGEANT

This is police. Responding to an

emergency

code call. Request entry,

all

points.

 

A BEAT, then the doors BUZZ as the

locks give. The cops race inside...

 

45 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - CORRIDOR

- DAY

 

Mal and Saffron hoofing it out of

here. A COP comes around the corner, heading right at them. The

cop is more surprised than they are -- Mal takes him down with a

few well- placed moves. Saffron reacts as --

 

TWO MORE COPS -- appear coming the

other way. One of them is raising his SONIC RIFLE.

 

SAFFRON

[Wahg-ba

DAN duh biao-tze.]

 

Mal drags her along, over the

fallen cop. They round the corner just as BOOM! From the Sonic

Rifle.

 

46 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - BACK

ENTRANCE - DAY

 

They bolt down the glass corridor,

the way they came in. Cops appear, coming after them. They push

through the door, end up --

 

A47 EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - BACK

ENTRANCE - DAY

 

Saffron beelines for the security

panel, hooks her device onto it, starts working. Mal braces

himself against the door.

 

MAL

What are you doing?

 

Mal backs away from the door just

as her enabler BEEPS.

 

B47 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - BACK

ENTRANCE - DAY

 

A cop reaches for the door -- but

it pulls AWAY FROM him. We hear a KA-CHUNK as the door

locks.

 

C47 EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - BACK

ENTRANCE - DAY

 

Saffron runs off. Mal regards the

door and the POUNDING from the trapped cops for a tiny

beat.

 

MAL

(impressed)

Good security.

 

TWO MORE COPS, armed with sonic

rifles, coming at them.

 

POLICE

Show some identification.

 

Saffron is already spinning and

kicking at the first one. Mal takes on the second one,

hand-to-fist-to-face.

 

Mal lays out the cop he's fighting.

Then reaches down and grabs the fallen sonic rifle. Spins on

Saffron and the cop she's still engaged with:

 

MAL (cont'd)

Move!

 

She dives out of the way as Mal

fires a SONIC BLAST. Second cop is down for the count. Mal tosses

the sonic rifle aside. Saffron goes to grab it. Mal grabs her,

yanks her from it.

 

MAL (cont'd)

Nope. Let's go.

 

And they do.

 

E47 EXT. FLOATING ESTATE -

DAY

 

Shuttle II flys away,

unpursued.

 

47 INT. SHUTTLE II - DAY

 

Mal pushes buttons, engages

autopilot and heads to the back as he straps on his holster, back

to normal.

 

Saffron sits on a crate, facing

away from him, sullenly ignoring the welling in her eyes.

 

MAL

Had to be tough.

 

SAFFRON

Yeah, have yourself a great

guffaw.

 

MAL

I mean it. Six years, knowing

he

was holding such treasures, and

you

didn't move on him. I gotta

figure

that's a job you told yourself

you'd

never take. Till times got

hard

enough, and the one line you

hadn't

crossed...

 

SAFFRON

(turning, fierce)

My name's not Yolanda.

 

MAL

Never entered my mind it was.

 

She looks away again. Her tone at

first is worldly, bitter -- but there is clearly more

underneath.

 

SAFFRON

I tried. I actually tried. I

thought, "This is a decent man.

The

genuine article."

 

MAL

A working man, struggling to get

by

with the barest necessities on

his

private floating island...

 

SAFFRON

Yeah, he had money. I thought

it

would help. I thought if I

had

everything then I wouldn't

want...

 

MAL

Heinrich the Security

Programmer?

 

SAFFRON

You know, I'd forgotten his

name.

 

MAL

Addressing the itch of

curiousness,

you marry him too?

 

SAFFRON

No. I didn't kill him

either.

 

MAL

No. Don't reckon there's many you

killed.

No. Just put 'em in a position to

die

easy.

 

SAFFRON

I should've killed Durran.

 

MAL

Right. The one guy who don't

have

it coming. The man who knows

you,

still loves you, treachery and

all.

No, can't have him walking about.

 

She does start crying now, balled

up, not making any move toward Mal.

 

SAFFRON

You must be loving this.

 

MAL

Little bit. I seen you without

your

clothes on before. Never thought

I'd

see you naked.

 

SAFFRON

Can people ever change?

 

MAL

Depends on the person. I'm

guessing

the pain of this fades away,

you'll

just go back to being what you

are.

 

SAFFRON

(small voice)

What is that?

 

He sits next to her.

 

MAL

(not unkindly)

A brilliant, beautiful, evil

double-

crossing snake. Cheer up,

weepy:

you made yourself a boatload

of

hard cash today. You can

question

the meaning of life on a

floaty

island of your own for a

while.

 

SAFFRON

You won't tell anyone about

me

breaking down?

 

MAL

I won't.

 

SAFFRON

Then I won't tell anyone how

easily

I got your gun out of your holster.

 

He looks down.

 

MAL

I'll take that as a kindness.

 

Saffron stands, her gun pointed at

Mal's belly.

 

SAFFRON

You just may be the most

gullible

fool I ever marked. And that

makes you special.

 

MAL

(stands)

Well, you can riddle me with

holes,

Yolanda. But that won't make what I

just saw

anything but truth.

 

SAFFRON

(almost convincing)

I played you. From minute

one.

 

MAL

Well, you got me at barrel's end,

who am I

to argue. What's your move?

 

SAFFRON

We'll be settling down in the

desert.

Leave you to set a spell. Oh,

and

speaking of naked...

 

MAL

No, now that's just low.

 

SAFFRON

Kinda evens things out, though,

don't you

think? Pants.

 

She cocks the hammer, he starts

undoing his trousers.

 

MAL

Now, I really don't see the benefit

to

this. I mean, however I may slip,

you're not

gonna catch my crew with their

trousers down.

 

48 INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE -

DAY

 

Wash at the controls. Zoe and

Kaylee enter.

 

Wash pulls on the ship controls.

Frowns.

 

WASH

Can't turn.

 

ZOE

What?

 

WASH

Can't turn.

(still trying)

Not getting any tug from the

aft

alternator --

 

KAYLEE

That don't make no sense...

(realizing)

Unless...

 

She turns and runs out, toward the

--

 

49 INT. SERENITY - ENGINE

ROOM

 

Kaylee goes right for the engine,

Zoe and Wash following.

She only has to look for a second

before knowing what's up --

 

KAYLEE

Yep.

whores in hell!> [Tah-shr SUO-yo

DEE-

yure duh biao-tze duh MAH!]

The

filament on the

grav-dampener's

stripped.

 

WASH

Now, who could've possibly done

that?

 

KAYLEE

I can fix it, but she must've put

a

timer on the motivator and

wetwired

the dampener --

 

ZOE

What does it mean, Kaylee?

 

KAYLEE

We ain't gonna make the

rendezvous.

We have to land. Now.

 

Off their reactions, PRELAP

--

 

  CUT TO:

 

A50 EXT. WASTELAND - DAY

 

MAL

No! No! You dirty, dirty whore...!

 

MAL's FACE staring up into the sky

as CAMERA CRANES UP, the engines of the departing shuttle whipping

wind and dust around Mal.

 

As CAMERA CONTINUE TO PULL BACK, we

see that Mal is very much naked. And standing in the wasteland

where we first saw him in the opening.

 

MAL (cont'd)

Yeah, you better run!

 

51 EXT. MOON - DAY

 

A different wasteland-y part of the

moon. The disposal bin sits near Shuttle II, its lid open. From

inside the bin, we hear --

 

Garbage comes flying out of the

bin.

 

INSIDE THE BIN --

 

-- is Saffron, digging through the

trash, rummaging through moldy fruit, eggshells, and assorted

sticky, wet rubbish. Her hair is matted -- basically, she's

covered in shit and doesn't look happy about it.

 

SAFFRON

God. Oh! Where is it...?

 

She keeps digging. Diggy, diggy,

diggy -- then she stops, throws her hands up in defeat.

 

SAFFRON (cont'd)

Oh! It's not here.

 

INARA

Looking for this?

 

She looks up to see Inara perched

on the wall of some nearby ruins, beautiful as always, in her veil

and bare midriff ensemble. She points The Lassiter.

 

INARA

Wonder if it works?

 

Pulls the trigger. Nothing.

 

INARA (cont'd)

Oh-well. Still worth a

fortune.

(as she raises a lugar)

Anyway, this works fine.

(then)

Honey, you look horrific.

 

SAFFRON

What are you doing here?

 

INARA

Oh. Just my part of the job.

 

SAFFRON

What part of the job?

 

INARA

(matter of fact)

You know, I put on the big

act,

storm away in a huff, then I fly

off,

wait for you to doublecross Mal,

beat

you to the rendezvous spot and

grab

the loot before you can get to

it.

(beat)

What, you didn't see it coming?

 

Saffron makes a move; Inara points

her lugar.

 

INARA (cont'd)

Uh-uh.

(beat)

You know, I'm a little

disappointed.

Some of the crew's

performances

weren't quite as nuanced as

they

could have been. I thought they

might

have tipped the fact that we were

playing you

from the second Mal took you out of

that crate.

(beat)

Oh, well. Guess not.

 

As she's said this, she's set aside

The Lassiter and picked up a small REMOTE CONTROL. She aims it at

the bin, presses a button -- and the lid SLAMS SHUT on

Saffron.

 

SAFFRON

No! You can't do this!

(SLAM! the lid shuts)

 

INARA

You're not going to die, you

big

baby. The authorities will be

here

in a few hours to dig you out.

 

SAFFRON

(inside the bin, muffled)

You can't do this! I have a

condition.

 

52 INT. SERENITY - INFIRMARY

 

Jayne fuzzily comes to, looks

around. Simon is quietly notating some things, his back to

Jayne.

 

JAYNE

Wah Oh. What goin' on?

 

SIMON

(not looking around)

You got knocked out.

 

JAYNE

Dih we gedda payoff? Dih we get

the

money?

 

SIMON

Can you move your arms and legs?

 

Jayne looks suddenly worried. Tries

-- cannot move anything below his neck.

 

JAYNE

Huh? Dah nod movin'!

 

SIMON

Do you want to know why?

 

He turns to Jayne, eerie calm on

his face.

 

SIMON (cont'd)

Your spine. You hit it pretty

hard

when you fell.

 

JAYNE

(worried)

'pine?

 

SIMON

Yes. So I gave you something

to

knock out your motor functions so

you

wouldn't wrench it when you came

to.

Should wear off in a half an

hour.

You'll just be bruised.

 

JAYNE

Is 'pine okay?

 

SIMON

How much did they offer you to

sell

out me and River on Ariel?

 

Jayne pauses. Now he's

worried.

 

JAYNE

Das crazy talk.

 

SIMON

Then let's talk crazy. How

much?

 

JAYNE

(looking beyond

Simon. calls out)

Anybody there?

 

River leans in from the doorway

looks at him calmly. It's not comforting.

 

JAYNE (cont'd)

(Quieter)

Anybody else?

 

SIMON

You're in a dangerous line of

work,

Jayne. Odds are, you'll be under

my

knife again. Often. So I want you

to understand one thing very

clearly.

No matter what you do, or say,

or

plot... no matter how you come

down

on us, I will never ever harm

you.

You're on this table you're

safe.

'Cause, I'm your medic, and however

little we

may like or trust each other,

we're

on the same crew.

(checks out Jayne's eyes with a

small flashlight)

Got the same

troubles, same enemies and more

than

enough of both. Now we could

circle

each other and growl, sleep

with

one eye open but that thought

wearies me.

(gets a hypo and injects something

into Jayne)

I don't care what you've

done.

I don't know what you're planning

on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think

you should do the same, 'cause I

don't

see this working any other way.

 

He exits. We hold wide on Jayne,

thinking on what Simon has said, as River's head pops in the

doorway at the other end of frame.

 

RIVER

Also, I can kill you with my brain.

 

She pops back out, leaving Jayne to

contemplate even more.

 

53 EXT. WASTELAND - DAY

 

ON MAL, who sits naked on a

sheared-off stump of stone. He lifts his head, and utters the now

familiar:

 

MAL

Yeah... that went well.

 

REVERSE TO INCLUDE Inara, who has

emerged from Serenity's open ramp and is now standing a few feet

from Mal. The line is addressed to her.

 

INARA

You call this "going well"?

 

MAL

We got the loot, didn't we?

 

INARA

Yes, but --

 

MAL

Then I call it a win. What's

the

problem?

 

He stands, starts casually walking

back to Serenity with Inara, who does her best to not glance at

his naughty bits.

 

INARA

Should I start with the part

where

you're stranded in the middle

of

nowhere, or the part where you

have

no clothes?

 

MAL

All according to plan.

 

INARA

Really? I thought the plan was

for

me to act as a failsafe in

case

everything else went wrong. Like,

for instance, if Saffron disabled

Serenity and left you for

dead.

 

MAL

Nonsense. You had a key role to

play

in this. How sad would you have

been

if you hadn't gotten to play

it?

 

INARA

Heartbroken.

 

MAL

See? All according to plan.

 

They reach Serenity, where Zoe,

Wash and Kaylee await. As Mal moves up the ramp --

 

MAL (cont'd)

Wash, take us out of the world.

Zoe,

contact Brennert and Ellison, see

if

they'd be interested in fencing

a

priceless artifact for us.

 

Zoe and Wash just stand there,

staring at his nakedity. Yes, I said nakedity.

 

MAL (cont'd)

What?

 

Zoe and Wash mutter "nothing,"

"I'll get right to work," etc., as Kaylee smiles at Mal, not at

all thrown.

 

KAYLEE

Good work, Cap'n

 

MAL

Thank you, Kaylee.

 

Kaylee goes off as Mal closes the

ramp. As the ramp rises, Mal looks out at the wasteland with a

certain fondness.

 

MAL (cont'd)

Good day.

 

The ramp shuts and we --

 

  BLACK OUT.

 

THE END