Shindig
Yessir, Captain Tight Pants.Cast · Intro · Act 1 · Act 2 · Act 3 · Act 4
Guest Cast
Wright
Bartender
Badger
Younger Hopeful
Atherton Wing
Porter
Sir Warrick Harrow
Banning Miller
Cabbott
Destra
Zelle
Murphy
Older Farmer
Younger Farmer
Gentleman
Atherton's second
Intro
|
Lovely place, I'll tell my friends. |
| Transcribed: | Ling Mao |
| Written: | Jane Espenson |
| Directed: | Vern Gillum |
| Aired: | November 1, 2002 |
INT. POOL HALL - NIGHT
Mal and Jayne are playing pool with a guy named Wright, while Inara sits at the bar and sips a dainty pink drink.
WRIGHT
Didn't hardly have to convert the ship even.
Six in the corner. Stronger locks, thicker doors,
keep everybody where they're supposed to be.
Don't even need more rations.
Pool balls on table waver and nearly disappear, like a holographic image shorting out.
(in Chinese)
[Way! - "Hey!"]
A bar worker motions to the wall.
Cut to a shot of a sign on the wall "MANAGEMENT NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR BALL FAILURE".
You made money, huh?
WRIGHT
Hand over fist, my friend. Water planets need labor,
terraforming crews got a prodigious death rate.
MAL
Labor, you mean, uh ... slaves.
WRIGHT
Well it wasn't volunteers, for damn sure.
MAL
That why you didn't have to lay in more rations?
WRIGHT
I didn't hear no complaints.
JAYNE
How much money, lots?
Mal walks over to Inara, who's been watching the game from the bar.
There's a chance you might want to head
back to the ship.
INARA
Oh, I'm all right. This is entertaining, actually.
MAL
Yeah? What's entertaining?
INARA
I like watching the game. As with other situations,
the key seems to be giving Jayne a heavy stick and
standing back.
MAL
Still, might ought to clear out before too much
longer. Seems there's a thief about.
INARA
A thief?
MAL
Took this right off him.
(Mal hands Inara a wad of cash.)
Now they earned that with the sweat of their
slave-trading brows.
INARA
(hushed and a bit shocked)
Mal...
Inara shoves the cash into her bra.
Aw, terrible shame. Course they won't discover
it till they go order their next round of drinks.
Hand comes from behind and grabs Mal's shoulder.
(in Chinese)
[Way! - "Hey!"]
MAL
Good drinker, that one.
Mal turns and slugs the grabber square in the jaw. Raucous bar fight ensues, Mal and Jayne basically kicking ass, while Inara stays out of the way and looks on. Bad guys down, if not beaten, Mal takes Inara's arm and hustles her out.
Lovely place, I'll tell my friends.
Act 1
|
Oh, look at the pretties! |
INT. SERENTIY - BRIDGE
Wash is piloting the ship while Zoe looks out the front port.
Seem to you we cleared out of Santo in a hurry?
ZOE
Seems we do that a lot. Heard tell though,
we're going to stay a while on Persephone.
WASH
Shiny.
ZOE
Yeah? Thought you'd get land crazy that long
in port.
WASH
Probably, but I've been sane a long while now,
and change is good.
Mal enters the bridge.
Well, ain't that a joyful sight?
WASH
Gotta love a sunset.
ZOE
Starting to get familiar too, like a second home.
MAL
Persephone ain't home. Too many people we got to
avoid. Re-supply, look for work, move along.
Sniff the air, we don't kiss the dirt.
ZOE
Wasn't planning on the dirt-kissing, sir.
WASH
Besides, I wouldn't stand for it anyway,
Captain, jealous man like me.
(re: alarm sounding from the console)
Closing in.
ZOE
Planet's coming up a mite fast.
WASH
That's just cause, I'm going down too quick.
Likely crash and kill us all.
MAL
Well, that happens, let me know.
Mal walks off the bridge.
(maybe a tad nervous)
Okay. Whoa. No, we're good, we're good. It's okay.
INT. - INARA'S SHUTTLE
Cut to a computer screen with several faces displayed. Inara deletes a few faces, and then selects one which enlarges and begins speaking. The face belongs to a well-dressed but awkward young man.
I understand your time on our planet is limited,
and if you've selected my proposal to hear, then
the honor you do me flatters.... my honor....and I
hope that...
Inara cuts off the recitation and selects another face. While the previous young man's speech seemed pre-recorded, this is clearly a live transmission.
Now there's the smile made of sunlight.
INARA
Atherton, how wonderful to see you.
ATHERTON
Did you get my message? I was extra appealing.
INARA
What a flattering invitation. I had no idea I was
arriving in time for the social event of the season.
ATHERTON
So, you'll accompany me? I ask, heart in my throat.
There's a certain offer I'm still waiting to hear about.
Off-screen knocking at the door.
Yes, I imagine there is. I'm delighted to say I'll
be there. Now, I'm sorry Atherton, but I have to run.
ATHERTON
No, please, I understand. I'll see you soon,
[bao bay - "sweetheart"].
Mal enters Inara's shuttle.
Good afternoon, Captain.
MAL
Morning. We're downing, and in case that Wash don't
kill us all, local time's going to be in the a.m.,
10 or so.
INARA
Yes, I saw that.
MAL
(looking over Inara's shoulder, which still
shows the face of Atherton)
Making plans? "Atherton Wing". He's a regular, ain't he?
Inara covers the computer screen with a handy drapery.
I've seen him before.
MAL
Oh, I never did. Not what I pictured - young. Must
be rich too, to afford your rates.
INARA
I suppose. He has engaged me for several days.
MAL
Days!? Boy must have stamina.
INARA
He does.
MAL
Well...fine. Is he letting you out at all?
INARA
Actually, we're attending a ball tomorrow night.
MAL
Tell me, do all the men there pay for their dates,
or just the young rich ones with stamina?
INARA
Most of the women in there will not be Companions,
if that's what you're asking. Perhaps the other
men couldn't attract one.
MAL
Hmm. It's sounds like the finest party I can
imagine getting paid to go to.
INARA
I don't suppose you'd find it up to standards
of your outings. More conversation and somewhat
less petty theft and getting hit with pool cues.
I understand if you need to go prepare for that
"It's 10 in the morning" issue.
MAL
Yeah. Better go do that. 'Cause I think this
is more of an evening look.
EXT. PERSEPHONE MOON - BUSY STREET SCENE - DAY
Kaylee, Zoe, Wash, Mal and Jayne are walking through a street, carrying luggage. Kaylee spies a shop window and moves in for a closer look. The others follow.
Oh, look at the pretties!
WASH
What am I looking at, the girls or the clothes?
JAYNE
There's clothes?
ZOE
The clothes, please.
KAYLEE
(indicating a pink frilly dress, something out
of Gone With the Wind)
Say, look at the fluffy one.
ZOE
Too much foofaraw. If I'm going to wear a dress,
I'd want something with some slink.
WASH
(eagerly)
You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky
dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?
JAYNE
I'll chip in.
ZOE
(to Jayne)
I can hurt you.
KAYLEE
The only place I seen somethin' so nice is
some of the things Inara has.
MAL
Well, we best be movin'.
ZOE
(to Kaylee)
I guess she needs all that stuff, the life she leads.
KAYLEE
Well, sure. Sometimes the customers buy
her things. Some real rich men.
MAL
Come on! These ain't feathers I'm toting
here, ya know?
KAYLEE
I like the ruffles. Inara gets to wear whatever
she wants.
MAL
What are you going to do in that rig? Flounce
around the engine room? Be like a sheep walking
on its hind legs.
Kaylee walks off, obviously hurt. Zoe gives Mal a glare.
See ya on the ship, Captain.
Mal looks disgusted with himself.
Zoe, Wash and Kaylee board a quad-runner type thing and leave.
(to Mal)
Is she mad or something?
Off screen sound of gun cocking. Mal turns to see a dread-locked man holding a rifle on him. We see at least one more thug with a rifle at the ready. A small man in a derby approaches from the side.
Badger.
BADGER
(noticeable cockney accent)
Captain Reynolds. Heard you was in town. Thought
we might have a bit of a sit-down.
MAL
Prefer a bit of a piss-off.
BADGER
I'm very sorry. Did I give you the impression
I was asking?
INT. - BADGER'S OFFICE - DAY
Jayne, Mal and Badger are seated around what is possibly a crate, passing for a table.
Seems the last time there was a chance for a little
palaver we were all manner of unwelcome.
JAYNE
(sipping from a chipped tea cup)
This ain't bad.
BADGER
There's a trick to it: wood-alcohol.
MAL
Now we're favored guests... treated to the finest
in beverages that make you blind. So what is it
you need?
JAYNE
(mouth full as he reaches for more sandwiches
that are laid out on the table)
Mmm, 'scuse me.
BADGER
There's a local, but the name of Warrick Harrow.
Got some property he wants to sell off-planet...
fetch a high price.
MAL
The local powers won't let him sell off-world.
BADGER
It's a conundrum. What my man Harrow needs himself
is a smuggler. Willing to cut you in on it.
MAL
Why me? You have access to ships. You could do
it yourself.
BADGER
He won't deal with me direct. He's taken an
irrational dislike.
JAYNE
What happened? He see your face?
BADGER
He's a quality gent. Nose in the air like he never
[wun gwo pee - "smelled a fart"]. Don't find me
respectable. But you, now I figure you got a chance.
MAL
You backed out of a deal last time. Left us hanging.
JAYNE
Hurt our feelings.
MAL
You recall why that took place?
BADGER
Had a problem with your attitude is why.
Felt you was... what's the word?
JAYNE
Pretentious?
Mal looks at Jayne as if he's surprised to learn Jayne knows a word with that many syllables.
Exactly! You think you're better than other people.
MAL
Just the ones I'm better than. And that very quality
is the one I think you're placing value on today.
BADGER
I'm placing value on the fact that stick up your
[pee goo - "bottom"] is about as large as the one Harrow's got.
MAL
How would you set up a meet, man that won't
deal with you?
BADGER
I know a place he'll be. Safe place. Using some
new-tech gun scans. High-class too. Wouldn't let me
in there. You might slip in. Course you couldn't buy
an invite with a diamond the size of a testicle, but I
got my hands on a couple.
Mal and Jayne glance at each other, snickering like little boys.
Of invites! You want this meeting or not?
INT. - GRAND BALLROOM ENTRANCE WAY - NIGHT
There is a porter announcing guests as they arrive.
Colonel Cyrus Momsen, and escort.
(beat)
William and Lady Cortland.
A translucent grid appears, Cortland hands over a small handgun to a waiting security guard.
Atherton Wing, and Inara Serra.
Inara and Atherton enter the ballroom, with is terribly genteel and stylish, people are dancing in a very courtly fashion.
(to a woman standing off to one side)
Roberta, its been too long.
(to an older man seated and sipping a glass
of red wine, in Chinese)
[Lao pung yo, nee can chi lai hun yo jing shen. -
"You're looking wonderful, old friend."]
ATHERTON
Half the men in this room wish you were on their
arm, tonight.
INARA
Only half? I must be losing my indefinable allure.
ATHERTON
Oh, its not that indefinable.
(quietly)
All of them wish they were in your bed.
INARA
(seems a bit put off by that remark)
I'm looking for the boy with the shimmerwine.
ATHERTON
Oh, she blushes. Not many in your line of work do
that. You are a very singular woman. And I find....
I find I admire you more and more.
INT. SERENITY - ENGINE ROOM
Kaylee is working on something mechanical. Mal enters.
Kaylee? Kaylee!
KAYLEE
I'm not speaking to you, Captain.
MAL
Got no need to speak. Come on. Got a job for you.
Kaylee mutters under her breath.
INT. - GRAND BALLROOM - NIGHT
Atherton and Inara are dancing together.
I'm trying to offer you something you know. A life.
INARA
Atherton...
ATHERTON
You can live here on Persephone, as my personal companion.
INARA
You are a generous man.
ATHERTON
That is not a "yes".
INARA
It's not a "no", either.
(to a woman dancing nearby)
You look gorgeous, dear.
ATHERTON
You belong here, Inara, not on that flying piece
of [gos se. - "crap."] You see that, don't you?
INARA
Atherton, language.
ATHERTON
What? Piece of [gos se? - "crap?"]
But it is a piece of [gos se. - "crap."]
PORTER
Miss Kaywinnit Lee Frye and escort.
INARA
(turns and looks toward the entrance)
Kaylee?
Mal and Kaylee enter the ballroom, Kaylee looking radiant in the ruffly pink hoop skirted dress she was admiring in the shop window.
Oh, [gos se. - "crap."]
Act 2
|
I cannot abide useless people |
INT. GRAND BALLROOM - NIGHT
Right back where we left off, with Kaylee and Mal wandering farther into the ballroom.
Does.. um.. does this seem kind of tight?
KAYLEE
Shows off your backside. Did you see the
chandelier? It's hovering!
MAL
What's the point of that, I wonder?
KAYLEE
Oh! Mangoes!
MAL
I mean, I see how they did it. I just ain't
getting the why.
KAYLEE
These girls have the most beautiful dresses.
And so do I -- how about that?
MAL
Yeah, well, just be careful. We cheated Badger out
of good money to buy that frippery, and you're supposed
to make me look respectable.
KAYLEE
Yes, sir, Captain Tightpants.
MAL
Ok, I'm looking for our guy Harrow.
KAYLEE
And Inara. We should look for Inara, right?
Just to say halloo at her.
MAL
If we see her. I think she's wearing gold. Okay,
help me find our man. He's supposed to be old, kinda
stocky, wears a red sash crossways.
KAYLEE
Why does he do that?
MAL
Maybe he won the Miss Persephone Pageant.
Just help me look.
KAYLEE
Is that him?
MAL
That's the buffet table.
KAYLEE
Well how can we be sure, unless we question it?
MAL
Fine. Don't make yourself sick.
KAYLEE
Oh, [sheh-sheh - "thank you"], Captain.
INT. SERENITY - COMMON AREA
Jayne, Simon and Book are playing cards. River is skulking around in the background. The boys have scraps of paper instead of chips. They seem to be playing for ship-board chores.
(dealing)
Ante up, gentlemen. Dishes.
BOOK
Dishes. Could do with less of them.
JAYNE
Garbage.
SIMON
(turns over a card)
Tall card... plum. Plums are tall.
BOOK
I'll take... two.
SIMON
Two. No tall card claim.
JAYNE
Speaking of garbage, I'll take three.
SIMON
Three. Dealer forced to claim the tall.
In the background, River is muttering over cans of food, getting increasingly more agitated.
What do you supposed the Captain and Kaylee are
doing now? Septic vat.
JAYNE
Eating steaks off of plates made of solid money,
like as anything. I fold.
River is now ripping the labels from several cans of food.
Me too. Tall card's around my neck like a weight.
Take it Shepherd.
BOOK
That's a nice pile of things I don't have to do.
RIVER
(still attacking the food packages)
These are the ones that take you. They're the ones
reaching and doing. They're the ones...
The three at the table finally notice River. Book and Simon move to her side.
River.
BOOK
Is she hurt?
JAYNE
You better see to her. Bad habit for a fugitive.
She's going to do that in public and get herself
hauled off.
As Jayne is saying this, he is re-arranging the scraps of paper that represent winnings in the card game, while Simon and Book are busy tending to freaking-out River.
...everywhere... and the hands go everywhere...
SIMON
(gently restraining her)
Shhh, its ok.
RIVER
...when you brush your teeth and...
BOOK
It's ok, she didn't harm much.
RIVER
...and nobody said anything....
BOOK
We'll have a few mystery meals.
SIMON
It's ok. Shh shh shh shh.
RIVER
(calmer now)
...and then they come.
JAYNE
So we gonna play cards, or screw around?
INT. SERENITY - ZOE AND WASH'S PERSONAL QUARTERS
Cut to a long, lovely shot, traveling up Zoe's naked leg. Zoe and Wash are in bed, obviously in the throes of post-coital bliss. Both are breathless. The atmosphere is comfortable and happy. These people are deeply in love with one another.
I thought you wanted to spend more time off-ship
this visit.
WASH
Out there is seems like its all fancy parties.
I like our party better. The dress code is easier
and I know all the steps.
ZOE
(happy and sleepy)
I'd say you do at that.
WASH
Don't fall asleep now. Sleepiness is weakness of
character. Ask anyone. You're acting captain.
Know what happens you fall asleep now?
ZOE
Jayne slits my throat and takes over.
WASH
That's right.
ZOE
And we can't stop it.
WASH
Well, I wash my hands of it. It's a hopeless case.
I'll read a nice poem at the funeral. Something
with imagery.
ZOE
You could lock the door and keep the power-hungry
maniac at bay.
WASH
Oh, no, I'm starting to like this poetry idea now.
(dramatically)
"Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower, somewhat
less attractive now she's all corpsified and gross..."
Zoe ends this eulogy with a pillow to Wash's face.
INT. GRAND BALLROOM - PROBABLY NIGHT
(watching the dancing, to a young gentleman
standing on the edge of the dance floor)
Aren't they something. They're like butterflies,
or little pieces of wrapping paper blowing around.
The young gentleman bows and walks off, leaving Kaylee. She looks a little sad, bur rallies and walks over to a group of women.
Hello.
BANNING
I don't.. um... have we been introduced?
KAYLEE
(shaking hands with first woman)
Oh, I'm Kaylee.
BANNING
Banning. And this is Destra, Cabott and Zelle.
KAYLEE
(gushing)
Don't you just love this party? Everything's so
fancy, and there's some kind of hot cheese over there.
CABOTT
It's not as good as last year.
KAYLEE
Oh really? What'd they have last year?
CABOTT
Standards.
Kaylee looks crestfallen.
Who made your dress, Kaylee?
KAYLEE
Oh, do you like it? When I saw the ruffles,
I just couldn't resist.
BANNING
You ought to see to your girl.
KAYLEE
[Shah muh? - "What?"]
BANNING
Your girl. She's not very good. She made you a
dress that looks like you bought it in a store.
KAYLEE
Oh, I didn't know.
An older gentleman has obviously overheard this exchange, and walks to Kaylee's side.
Why Banning Miller. What a vision you are in your
fine dress. It must have taken a dozen slaves a
dozen days to get you into that getup.
(Banning preens)
'Course your daddy tells me it takes the space of
a schoolboy's wink to get you out of it again.
Banning gets huffy and stalks off, followed by the other women. Kaylee looks surprised and delighted.
Forgive my rudeness. I cannot abide useless people.
Cut to Mal, as he spies his quarry. He crosses over to Harrow.
(to someone offscreen)
Oh, no, thank you very much.
MAL
Beg pardon, but would you be Warrick Harrow?
HARROW
Sir Warrick Harrow. The sash.
MAL
The sash.
HARROW
It indicates lordship.
MAL
And it's... it's doing a great job.
Harrow sighs and moves away.
Sir, my name is Malcolm Reynolds. I captain a ship,
name of Serenity. I mention this because I've been led
to believe you want to move some property off-world.
(tto see Inara dancing with Atherton,
then turns back to Harrow)
Some property you want to move off-world discreetly.
HARROW
You're mistaken sir. I'm an honest man.
MAL
It seems to me there's nothing dishonest to getting
your goods to people what need them.
HARROW
Whom do you represent?
MAL
"Represent" isn't exactly the...
HARROW
Don't waste my time.
MAL
Fellow called Badger.
HARROW
I know him. And I think he's a psychotic low-life.
MAL
And I think calling him that is an insult to the
psychotic low-life community. But the deal is solid.
Atherton and Inara walk up.
Sorry to interrupt, Sir Warrick, I know you from
the club, I believe.
INARA
Captain, this is Atherton Wing, Atherton, this is
Captain Mal Reynolds.
MAL
Pleased to meet ya. Inara, I didn't realize you
were going to this party.
INARA
It's the only party.
MAL
And I can see why. How about that floating chandelier?
(to Atherton)
Almost outshines our girl here.
Mal notices the possessive and overly rough grip Atherton has on Inara's upper arm.
Ath? Can I call you Ath? Inara has spoken of you
to me. She made a point of mentioning your generosity.
Given that, I'm sure you won't mind if I ask Inara the
favor of a dance?
ATHERTON
(not happy)
Of course.
Inara and Mal walk off.
(to Atherton)
You're a brave man.
ATHERTON
I know what's mine.
Mal leads Inara to the dance floor.
This dance I think I actually know.
INARA
Why are you here?
MAL
Business. Same as you. I was talking to a contact
about a smuggling job and you came over to me.
INARA
You were staring at me.
MAL
I saw you is all. You stand out.
INARA
In this company, Captain, I believe you're the
one who stands out.
MAL
Well then, maybe I just wanted to see a professional
at work. Is this the hardest part, would you say,
or does that come later?
INARA
You have no call to try to make me ashamed of my job.
What I do is legal. And how's that smuggling coming?
MAL
My work's illegal, but at least it's honest.
INARA
What!?
MAL
Well this, the lie of it. That man parading you around
on his arm as if he actually won you, as if he loves you,
and everyone here actually going along with it.
INARA
These people like me and I like them. I like Atherton
too by the way.
MAL
Well sure, what's not to like. I'm liable to sleep
with him myself.
INARA
And he likes me, whether you see it or not. He's made
me an offer. You may think he doesn't honor me, but he
wants me to live here. I'd be his personal companion.
I could belong here. Call me pretentious but there is
some appeal in that.
MAL
You're right. Got no call to stop you. You've got
the right to a decent life.
INARA
I see Kaylee's here.
MAL
Yeah, crying Cinderella tears. You should have seen
her when I told he she could have that layer cake
she's wearing.
INARA
I think she looks adorable.
MAL
Yeah, but I never said it.
Cut to scene of Kaylee, holding court with a group of mostly older men, including her rescuer.
I'm not saying the 80-04's hard to repair, it
just ain't worth it.
OLDER FARMER
It's a fine machine, you just keep it tuned.
KAYLEE
[Tsai boo shr. - "No way."] The extenders ain't braced.
MURPHY
I've been telling him to buy the 80-10 for years.
KAYLEE
Those 'tenders snap off, don't matter how good
the engine's cycling.
YOUNGER FARMER
Miss Kaylee, I wonder if I could request the honor of....
MURPHY
(interrupting)
Wait a minute. Let her talk. She's talking.
Dance later.
KAYLEE
By the way, the 80-10's the same machine, they just
changed the plating and hope no one noticed.
The men laugh, obviously charmed by Kaylee.
Cut back to Mal and Inara dancing, while Atherton looks on with a glare. Mal missteps the dance, and Inara and Mal both chuckle.
It's possible you were right, and this ain't my
kind of party.
They are comfortable with each other, laughing and smiling. Atherton barges in and roughly grabs Inara's arm and pulls her away from the dance floor.
Whoa now. Watch yourself. Ain't no need for hands on.
ATHERTON
Excuse me, she's not here with you, Captain. She's mine.
MAL
Yours? She don't belong to nobody.
ATHERTON
Money changed hands, which makes her mine tonight.
And no matter how you dress her up she's still...
Mal hauls off and slugs him before he can get the rest of the sentence out.
(to Inara)
Turns out this is my kind of party.
INARA
Oh, Mal.
MAL
What? Man was out of line.
ATHERTON
(recovering, angry)
I accept.
MAL
That's great. What?
GENTLEMAN
There has been a challenge.
ATHERTON
I hope you're prepared, Captain.
MAL
What? You all talking about a fight? That's fine.
(taking off his jacket)
Let's get out of here.
INARA
It's not a fist fight, Mal.
GENTLEMAN
The duel will be met tomorrow morning at Cadrie Pond.
MAL
Well, why wait? Where's that guard? He collected
a whole mess of pistols.
GENTLEMAN
If you require it, any gentleman here can give you
use of a sword.
MAL
Use of a swo... what?
Act 3
|
Up until the punching, it was a real nice party. |
INT. GRAND BALLROOM - NIGHT
Back where we left off, Mal in hot water:
What's going on?
MAL
I'm not rightly sure. What's going on?
HARROW
First off, you'll be put up in lodgings for the night,
so you don't disappear. I wouldn't blame you,
incidentally. Wing may be a spoiled dandy, but he's
an expert swordsman. He's killed a dozen men with a
longblade. You're the only one gave him a reason.
MAL
(exasperated)
Oh this is a joke.
INARA
He'll need a second.
MAL
What's that?
HARROW
I'll take on the job.
INARA
He fights if you refuse.
ATHERTON
(moving towards the entranceway)
Inara, come with me, please.
MAL
(to Harrow)
You taking on this job... being my second...
does this mean we're in business?
HARROW
It means you're in mortal danger. But you mussed
up Atherton's face, and that has endeared you to me
somewhat. You might even give him a fight, before
he guts you.
ATHERTON
(sharply)
Inara!
(holds out his arm to Inara)
KAYLEE
Up until the punching, it was a real nice party.
INT. SERENITY - CARGO HOLD
Jayne is doing pull-ups from straps attached to the overhead walkway. There is a banging noise, like someone knocking on a metal door. Jayne stops, picks up a rifle, and looks out the small window of a door. Sighs, and opens the door to admit Badger.
The captain's gone and gotten himself in trouble.
A short time later, the crew has assembled in the cargo hold. Only Jayne and River are missing.
A duel?
WASH
With swords?
SIMON
Captain's a good fighter, he must know how to
handle a sword.
ZOE
I think he knows which end to hold.
SIMON
All right, so we just need to figure out how
to get him out of there.
BOOK
(to Badger)
We have until the morning, correct? Do you know
what lodging he's in?
BADGER
This is embarrassing. Some of you seem to be
misapprehending my purpose in being here.
ZOE
You're here to make sure that we don't do what
these men are keen on doing.
BADGER
Penny for the smart lady. Persephone's my home.
I got to do business with the people here. I don't
want it known I brought someone in caused this kind
of ruckus. We'll just settle in, till this blows over,
one way or the other.
Off-camera sound of rifle being cocked. Heads turn to look up onto the overhead walkway. Jayne holds his rifle on Badger. Zoe smiles.
Jayne, I wouldn't.
JAYNE
Why not?
Zoe indicates to where Badger's thugs have just come in with Kaylee. She's still in her party dress, and looks unhappy.
Hi.
INT. LARGE MANSION - NIGHT
Inara is walking through the halls. She affixes a glowy door-handle sort of thing to one of the many doors, and walks in to find Mal practicing with a sword.
Mal?
MAL
(startled and swinging his sword into a pillar,
where it lodges)
Whoa! What are you doing here?
INARA
Atherton's a heavy sleeper the night before a
big day. He's got that killing in the morning,
and a haircut later.
MAL
Such a comfort, having friends visit at a time
like this.
INARA
I knew the accommodations would be nice.
Atherton doesn't skimp.
Mal pulls the sword from the pillar.
I don't suppose I like being kept by him as much as
others do. So, how come you're still attached to him?
INARA
Because it's my decision, not yours.
MAL
I thought he made it pretty clear he has no regard for you.
INARA
You did manage to push him into saying something, yes.
Made a nice justification for the punch.
MAL
Well, he insulted you. I hit him. Seemed like the
thing to do. Why'd this get so complicated?
INARA
Well, it's about to get simpler. There's a back door.
Desk clerk is on alert. He'll let us out.
MAL
Whoa, whoa, I'm not running off. I don't know what you
got in your head, but I didn't do this to prove some kind
of point to you. I thought I was defending your honor.
And I never back down from a fight.
INARA
Yes, you do! You do all the time!
MAL
Well, yeah... but, I'm not backing down from this one.
INARA
He's an expert swordsman, Mal. You had trouble with
the pillar. How will your death help my honor?
MAL
Well, see, I plan on having it be his death. That's
why I need lessons. I figure you know how, being such
an educated woman, and all.
(tosses a sword to Inara)
INT. SERENITY - CARGO HOLD
Most of the crew is gathered playing cards. All speak quietly. Badger and his henchman are standing about, mostly doing nothing but looking vaguely threatening. Badger is busy slicing up and eating an apple.
He said not to do anything. He'll join us after
he wins the duel.
ZOE
It doesn't hurt to have a contingency plan, Kaylee.
SIMON
I'm thinking, since we're unarmed, we should take
them by surprise.
ZOE
Not necessarily. We can lure one or two of them away.
Say infirmary? Take 'em out, be on Badger before he
knows what happens.
JAYNE
Only if his attention's elsewhere. What we need's a
diversion. I say Zoe gets nekkid.
WASH
(sitting on the floor, head on knees)
Nope.
JAYNE
I could get nekkid.
ALL
No!
Book has been standing off to one side during this exchange, reading the Bible. He notices that River has come quietly into the room, and moves to Simon's side and lays a hand on his shoulder. Our crew realizes she's there, and senses that this could be trouble. Simon moves to her. Badger seems not to notice.
(whispering)
River, you can't be here.
RIVER
(laughing and trying to push by Simon)
There are tiny...
SIMON
River, please.
RIVER
Pull!
BADGER
(finally noticing River)
Who's that then? Here, look at me. What's your story, love?
SIMON
She's ... just a... just a passenger.
BADGER
Yeah? Why ain't she talking? She got a secret?
RIVER
(with Badger's accent)
Sure, I got a secret. More than one. Don't seem
likely I'd tell 'em to you now, do it? Anyone off
Dyton Colony knows better than to talk to strangers.
(notices a shiny pin in the shape of a bird on
Badger's lapel, nearly touches it, then runs a
finger down his lapel before pulling back)
You're talking loud enough for the both of us though,
ain'tcha? I've known a dozen like you. Skipped off
home early, running graft jobs here and there. Spent
some time in the lock down, but less than you claim.
And you're what? Petty thief with delusions of standing?
Sad, little king of a sad, little hill.
The crew exchanges glances, bemused. Who knew she could pull this off?
Nice to see someone from the old homestead.
RIVER
Not really.
(to Simon)
Call me if anyone interesting shows up.
River leaves the way she came in.
I like her.
JAYNE
(quietly, to the crew)
That there -- exactly the kind of diversion we
could have used.
INT. MANSION - MAL'S QUARTERS - NIGHT
MAL AND INARA square off, swords in hand.
Attack.
Mal lunges at Inara with his sword. She easily side-steps him, and whacks him on the ass with her sword as he goes by.
How did I avoid that?
MAL
By being fast like a freak?
INARA
No, because you always attack the same way, swinging
from the shoulder like you were chopping wood. You
have to thrust with the point sometimes, or swing
from the elbow.
MAL
Swinging from the shoulder feels stronger.
INARA
It's also slower, Mal. You don't need strength as much
as speed. We're fragile creatures. It takes less than a
pound of pressure to cut skin.
MAL
You know that? They teach you that in whore academy?
INARA
You have a strange sense of nobility Captain. You'll
lay a man out for calling me a whore, and yet you keep
calling me one to my face.
MAL
I might not show respect to your job, but he didn't
respect you. That's the difference. Inara, he doesn't
even see you.
INARA
Well I guess death will solve the issue to everyone's
satisfaction.
MAL
This [yu bun duh - "stupid"] duel is the result of the rules of
your society, not mine.
INARA
You are always breaking the rules, no matter what society
you're in! You don't get along with ordinary criminals
either, which is why you're constantly getting in trouble.
MAL
You think following the rules will buy you a nice life,
even if the rules make you a slave.
(Inara turns away)
Don't take his offer.
INARA
(turning to face Mal)
What?
MAL
Don't do it. Because in the case it happens it means
he's the fella that killed me and I don't like fellas
that kill me, just in general. I said before I don't
have call to stop you, and that's true, but anyways, don't.
INARA
I need to get back. He'll be up early.
MAL
Right. He's got that big day.
EXT. PERSEPHONE MOON - CADRIE POND - DAY
There are many on-lookers, including Inara and Harrow. The duelists face off and begin parrying. Mal gets a lucky swipe and draws first blood, with a shallow cut to Atherton's chest.
(pleased)
Best be careful, Ath. Hear these things are sharp.
HARROW
(incredulous, to Inara)
He thinks he's doing well, doesn't he?
INARA
(horrified)
He's being toyed with.
More dueling, Atherton slashes a shallow cut to Mal's sword arm. Mal attacks rather blindly, flailing his sword broadly from the shoulder. He's obviously out-classed here. Atherton smiles, steps back, and puts both arms behind his back, leaving his chest exposed.
What's he doing?
INARA
Don't fall for that!
Mal attacks, and Atherton spins and stabs Mal in the abdomen. This is a serious wound, but not a killing blow.
Well, this isn't going to take long, is it?
Act 4
|
Doc is the diversion |
EXT. PERSEPHONE MOON - CADRIE POND - DAY
Mal is bloodied, and a bit wobbly on his feet. He continues to fight, though with his free hand clamped over his wound. Atherton is gleeful and poised, supremely confident.
(to Inara)
We're coming up on the end, Miss. You might not
want to watch.
Harrow is right, this is almost over. Atherton knocks Mal to his knees, and snaps his sword blade off at the hilt. He stands triumphant over Mal, sword at his throat.
(moving forward)
Atherton, wait! I'll stay here, exclusive to you.
Just let him live.
Atherton is distracted by Inara, and looks her way. Mal takes his chance then, and knocks Atherton's sword out of his hands, and clubs him across the jaw with the hilt of the broken sword. He quickly kicks up the freed sword and throws it at Atherton, stabbing him through the chest. Atherton manages to pull out the blade, just has Mal clubs him across the face again. Mal picks up the bloody sword, and holds it to the throat of the fallen Atherton.
He's down. You have to finish it, lad. You have to
finish it. For a man to lie beaten, and yet breathing?
It makes him a coward.
INARA
It's humiliation.
MAL
Sure, it's humiliating. Having to lie there while
the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy
is the mark of a great man.
(pokes Atherton in the belly with the sword)
Guess I'm just a good man.
(pokes him again for good measure)
Well, I'm all right.
Inara puts her arm around the wobbly Mal to support him, and they walk off together.
(calling after them)
Inara. Inara!
HARROW
(to Atherton)
You've lost her lad. Be gracious.
ATHERTON
You set this up, whore. After I bought and paid for
you. I should have uglied you up so much no one
else'd want you.
MAL
(to Inara)
See how I'm not punching him? I think I've grown.
ATHERTON
(to Inara)
Well get ready to starve. I'll see that you
never work again.
INARA
(to Atherton)
Actually, that's not how it works. You see, you've
earned yourself a black mark in the client registry.
No Companion is ever going to contract with you,
ever again.
HARROW
(to Atherton)
You'll have to rely on your winning personality to
get women. God help you.
(to Mal)
You didn't have to wound that man.
MAL
Yeah, I know, it was just funny.
HARROW
(walks away with Inara and Mal)
You willing to fight that hard to protect my property,
I'll have it in your hold before midnight.
Mal shakes hands with Harrow, smile and laughs.
Harrow walks off.
(to Inara)
Mighty fine shindig.
INT. SERENITY - CARGO HOLD
(whispers to the crew around the crate/card table)
Doc is filling Shepherd in on the plan.
Doc is the diversion.
Light spills in from an opened door.
Did you ever see such a lazy crew.
Mal walks in being supported by Inara.
Captain.
SIMON
You're hurt.
BADGER
You get us a deal then?
MAL
I got a deal. Now get off my ship.
BADGER
Ta very much for a lovely night, then.
Badger whistles and motions to his gang, and they leave Serenity.
Mal and Inara sit down, Book comes over.
Are you badly hurt?
Mal nods.
We was just about to spring into action, Captain.
Complicated escape and rescue op.
WASH
I was going to watch. It was very exciting.
Cut to an exterior shot of Serenity flying through space.
INT. SERENITY - CORRIDORS
Kaylee is walking down the corridors of the ship humming and skipping just a little to herself. She goes to her room, flops onto her bunk, and tunes a tiny speaker to classical music. She stares up at the pink, frilly dress which is hanging over her bed, obviously happy.
INT. SERENITY - CARGO HOLD
Mal and Inara are sitting on the walkway overhead, legs dangling. There is a large glass jug beside them, and they are drinking out of mis-matched cups.
Thank you for the wine. It's... very fresh.
MAL
To Kaylee and her inter-engine fermentation
system.
They clink cups and Mal winces, a bit more dramatically than necessary.
Are you in pain?
MAL
Absolutely. I got stabbed, you know, right here.
Mal lifts his shirt to show her the bloody bandage on his abdomen.
(turning away, squeamish)
I saw.
MAL
Don't care much for fancy parties. Too rough.
INARA
It wasn't entirely a disaster.
MAL
(incredulous)
I got stabbed! Right here!
INARA
You also lined up exciting new crime.
MAL
It's good to have cargo. Makes us a target for
every other scavenger out there, though, but
sometimes that's fun too.
INARA
I am grateful, you know, for the ill-conceived and
high-handed attempt to defend my honor, although
I didn't want you to.
MAL
Gracious as that is, looking back, I probably should
have stayed out of your world.
INARA
My world? If it is that. I wasn't going to stay,
you know.
MAL
Yeah? Why is that?
INARA
Oh, someone needs to keep Kaylee out of trouble.
And all my things are here. Besides, why would I
want to leave Serenity?
MAL
Can't think of a reason.
Cut to a distance shot of Mal and Inara, drinking companionably. We then see the hold is full of Harrow's cargo... cattle.
