Our Mrs. Reynolds
Notes Episode information
Credits Details & Cast
Intro "You gotta play at being a lady."
Act 1 "Are you gonna kill me?"
Act 2 "Some people ain't lookin' for flash."
Act 3 "Well, isn't that ... special."
Act 4 "You go get Vera."
 
 
Notes
You know I'm to cleave to you
Travels:

The episode begins on Triumph. They leave heading for Beaumonde, but get hijacked, to where, we are unsure. After escaping Mal confronts Saffron on some snowy planet or moon. As she got there in the shuttle, which is short range, this place can not be far from the carrion house.

Time:

The first day is the job. That night there is a celebration. The following day they leave Truimph. That night Saffron steals the ship, leaves, but they escape. Mal says "Let's go visiting" so one assumes they went directly to the confrontation with Saffron.

This episode covers two days.

Locations:

Everything occurs on Triumph or on board the ship. They are headed for Beaumonde, which will take 5 days, but get hijacked. We do not know the location of Saffron's cabin. We are told that Mal's home planet is Shadow.

Chinese:
 
 
Credits
Transcribed by: Shrift (modifications by me)
Original Air Date: October 4, 2002
Written by: Joss Whedon
Directed by: Vondie Curtis Hall
Alex Stenkovsky
Bandit #1
Bob Fimiani
Elder Gommen
Christina Hendricks
Saffron
Erik Passoja
Breed *
Benito Martinez
Corbin
* The subtitles have Corbin refer to him as "Bree" but the script clearly shows him as "Breed"
 
 
Intro
You gotta play at being a lady

EXT. PLANET - TRIUMPH SETTLEMENT - DAY
Two horses pull a covered boat-wagon down the bed of a shallow river, hiding their tracks. About six horsemen burst out of the wooded banks and surround the covered wagon, bringing their progress to a halt. In the front seat sit a husband and wife, their faces covered by a brimmed hat and flowered bonnet, respectively.

Bandit #1 Pardon me for intruding, but I believe y'all carrying something of mine. Husband (Jayne) T'ain't your'n! Bandit #1 Did you think we wouldn't find out you changed your route?

(beat)

You gonna give us what due us, and every damn thing else on that boat. And I think maybe you're gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus. Husband (Jayne) Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature. Wife (Mal) How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people? Husband (Jayne) If I could make you purtier, I would. Wife (Mal) You are not the man I met a year ago.

Mal and Jayne suddenly draw their guns on the horsemen, Mal slowly pulling his bonnet off.

Mal Now think real hard. You been bird-dogging this township a while now. They wouldn't mind a corpse of you. Now you can luxuriate in a nice jail cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty flowered bonnet, I will end you.

Mal and Jayne stare down the bandits for a moment, no one moving.

Bandit #1 Take 'em!

Zoe leans around the covered wagon and shoots a horseman at the yell. The gunfight begins - Mal, Jayne and Zoe outnumbered but scoring direct hits. Within seconds, all the horsemen are dead.

EXT. CELEBRATION - TRIUMPH SETTLEMENT - NIGHT
Music and dancing. Pan across the merry, rustic crowd.

Mal (O.S.) In the morning --

We now see Mal and Inara walking through the crowd.

Mal -- we'll head for Beaumonde. Give you a chance to find some work of your own. Inara I appreciate it.

(beat)

This place is lovely, but... Mal Not your clientele? I understand.

(Inara laughs)

You gotta play at being a lady. Inara Well, yes. So, explain to me again why Zoe wasn't in the dress? Mal Tactics, woman. Needed her in the back. 'Sides, those soft cotton dresses feel kinda nice. It's the whole... air-flow. Inara And you'd know that because...? Mal You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman, I'm a mystery. Inara Let's keep it that way. I withdraw the question.

CUT TO:

Long shot of the bonfire. Camera moves in on Jayne sitting on a wooden log next to Elder Gommen. Elder Gommen is holding a rain stick, explaining its use to Jayne.

Elder Gommen Makes the rain come for eternity. The rain is very scarce, comes only when needed most. And such it is with men like you.

(hands the stick to Jayne)

Jayne (drunkenly) This is the most... you, friend. You're the guy...

(hugs Elder)

I will treasure this.

CUT TO:

Book watches from a distance as a young woman puts a crown of daises on Mal's head, then gives him a bowl of wine to drink. Mal drinks the wine, smiling broadly at the young woman. The young woman smiles back and twirls out onto the dance floor. Mal smiles and mouths “flowers” to Jayne, who is sitting next to him. Wash and Zoe are cuddling by the bonfire. After a moment, Mal and Jayne are pulled out to dance by several young women.

EXT. SERENITY - OPEN AIRLOCK - DAY
The crew of Serenity are preparing to leave the planet. Mal is walking toward the airlock with Elder Gommen.

Mal Elder Gommen, thank you for the hospitality. Elder Gommen We owe you a great debt. I'm sorry we have so little to pay it with -- though I hope our gifts will show our regards. Mal Well I don't think Jayne's ever lettin' go of that stick.

(Elder laughs)

Zoe (to Mal) Mal, there's a patrol boat heading into atmo right now. Mal (to Elder) Well we gotta fly. Elder Gommen We'll pray for a safe voyage, and hope to lay eyes on you again 'ere too long, my friend. Mal Count on it. Bye now. Elder Gommen Bless you.

Echoes of the settlers calling goodbye as the airlock closes.

WIDE SHOT of Serenity closing its doors and rising into the atmosphere.

INT. SERENITY - CARGO BAY
Mal is alone in the cargo bay storing supplies. He squats down to put away what look like propane tanks into a wire cage when he spots a stowaway.

Mal (surprised) Gaaahhh!

(beat; angrily)

Who the hell are you? Saffron What do you mean? Mal Well, I think I was pretty clear. What are you doing on my boat? Saffron But... you know I'm to cleave to you...? Mal To-whubba-who? Saffron Did Elder Gommen not tell you? Mal Tell me what? Who are you? Saffron Mr. Reynolds, sir.

(beat)

I'm your wife.

Off Mal's stunned expression:

BLACK OUT

 
Act 1
Are you gonna kill me?

INT. SERENITY - CARGO BAY
Right where we left off, Mal staring at the redheaded stowaway.

Saffron I am your wife. That was your agreement with Elder Gommen, since he hadn't cash or livestock -- Mal I'm-I'm sorry. Go back to the part...

(beat)

Where you're my wife? Saffron I don't please you? Mal You can't please me. You never met me.

Zoe and Jayne enter the cargo bay.

Mal (cont'd) Zoe, why do I have a wife? Jayne You got a wife? All I got is that dumbass stick sounds like it's raining. How come you got a wife? Mal I didn't.

(to Saffron)

We're not married. Saffron (upset) I'm sorry that I shame you. Mal You don't shame me!

(to Zoe)

Zoe, would you get Wash?

Zoe walks to comm, hits it, and then:

Zoe This is Zoe. We need all personnel in the cargo bay. Mal Whoa, whoa. I said Wash. Zoe (grinning) Captain, everyone should have a chance to congratulate you on your day of bliss. Mal There's-there's no bliss! I don't know this girl! Jayne Then, can I know her? Zoe (smacks Jayne's arm) Jayne!

(beat)

Don't sully this. Mal You are gonna be cleaning latrines with your face you don't knock that off.

The rest of the crew comes pouring into the cargo bay, curious.

Book Who's the new recruit? Zoe Everybody, I want you all to meet...

(beat)

Mrs. Reynolds.

Kaylee gasps excitedly. Inara looks less than pleased.

Kaylee You got married?! Simon Well, that's, uh...

(searching)

Congratulations. Wash We'd always hoped you two kids would get together.

(to Mal)

Who is she? Mal She's no one!

Saffron bursts into tears.

Kaylee Captain. Mal (to Saffron) Would you stop that? Saffron I'm sorry. Wash You brute. Kaylee (comforting Saffron) Hey, sweetie. Don't feel bad. He makes everybody cry. He's like a monster. Mal I'm not a monster!

(to Wash; Jayne laughing)

Wash, turn the ship around. Wash Can't. Mal That's an order. Wash Yeah, but can't.

Cutting between Mal and Wash talking, and Book and Simon, all in the cargo bay:

Mal What the hell is wrong with... Book (to Simon) Have you got an encyclopedia? Simon (nodding) Dahng nang当然
Of course
.
Wash ...the Alliance touched down the second after we left, and there's already a bulletin on the cortex as to the murder of a prefect's nephew. That's right, one of our bandits has family ties. So unless you feel like walk into a gallows, I suggest we continue on to Beaumont, and you... enjoy your honeymoon. Mal This isn't happening.

(to Saffron)

Would you stop cryin'? Inara For god's sake, Mal. Could you be a human being for thirty seconds? Wash As one married man to another -- Mal (yelling) I'm not married!

(beat; to Saffron)

I'm sorry. You-you have very nice qualities, but I didn't ever marry you. Book (entering with encyclopedia) I believe you did. Last night. Mal (aside, to Jayne) How drunk was I last night? Jayne Well I dunno. I passed out. Book It says here:

(reading)

“The woman lays a wreath upon her intended” — which I do recall — “which represents his sovereignty ...” Mal (to Saffron) That was you? Book ”... and he drinks of her wine.” And then there's a dance, with a joining of hands. The marriage ceremony of the Triumph settlers. You, sir, are a newlywed. Mal (beat) What's it say in there about divorce?

Upset, Saffron runs from the cargo bay.

Kaylee Nee boo goo gah, nee hwong chion你不够格,你混球
You don't deserve her, no-good bastard
.
Mal Gwan nee tzi-jee duh shr管你自己的事
Mind your own business
.
Zoe Really think you're the one to talk to her, sir. Mal Way I see it, me and her got one thing in common. We're the only ones don't think this is funny.

Mal exits the cargo bay after Saffron.

INT. SERENITY - CORRIDOR
Mal is searching the ship.

Mal Hello? Woman... person?

Mal climbs upstairs.

CUT TO:
Saffron sitting in a corridor quietly crying. Mal enters.

Mal You all right? Saffron I thought last night during the ceremony that you were pleased. Mal Well, yeah, last night I was. Had some mulled wine, pretty girl gave me a hat made out of a tree. Nobody said I was signing up to have and to hold. Saffron Are you gonna kill me? Mal What?! What kind of crappy planet is that?

(scoffs)

Kill you. Saffron In the maiden's home I heard talk of men who weren't pleased with their brides -- Mal Well I ain't them! And don't you ever stand for that sort of thing. Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back!

(sits next to her)

Look, wife or no, you are no one's property to be tossed aside. You got the right same as anyone to live and try to kill people. I mean, you know... people that are...

(beat)

That's a dumb planet. Saffron What will you do with me? Mal Not rightly sure. We're bound for Beaumonde. Decent kind of planet. Might be able set you up some kind of work there. Saffron I'll not be anyone's doxy. Mal I don't mean whoring. I mean the factories and the like. Some ranches, if you're more for the outdoors. Near a week before we get there. We'll figure something. Saffron I'd be a good wife. Mal Yeah, well, I'd be a terrible husband. You got five whole days to figure that out. Saffron Five days... we'll be together? Mal We'll be together on the ship, but not in any -- Saffron That'll be fine. I'll do for you -- or not -- as you choose. Mal Well. Shiny.

(beat)

Hungry? Kitchen's just through there. Saffron I'll cook you something.

Saffron moves quickly toward the kitchen area. Mal trails after her.

Mal Well, no, I meant for you. Saffron I'm a fine cook. Everyone says. Mal That's-that's great. What... Hold it. Hold...

(beat)

I ain't never even -- Saffron My name is Saffron.

Saffron exits. Book comes into frame, watching Saffron walk away.

Book Divorce is very rare and requires dispensation from her pastor. I can send him a wave, see what I can do. Mal I appreciate that.

(beat)

She's a nice girl. Book Seems very anxious to please you. Mal Well, that's their way, I guess. Book I suppose so.

(beat)

If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater. Mal What -- I am not... preacher, you got a smutty mind! Book Perhaps I spoke out of turn. Mal Per-maybe-haps I'm thinking! Book I apologize. I'll make her up a room in the passenger dorm. Mal Good.

Book walks away and around the corner. A beat later, he pokes his head back around to say:

Book The Special Hell.

INT. SERENITY - KITCHEN AREA
Saffron puts a plate of food in front of Mal, who is seated at the dinner table.

Mal Thank you.

Wash and Zoe enter the kitchen area.

Wash Something smells good. Zoe Havin' yourself a little supper, captain? Mal Well, Saffron insisted on... you know, I didn't want to make her feel... it's damn tasty! Wash Is there any more where that came from? Saffron I didn't think to make enough for your friends. But everything's laid out if you'd like to cook for your husband.

Wash and Zoe sit at the table.

Wash (laughs) Isn't she quaint?

(to Saffron)

I'm just not hungry. Zoe So, are you enjoying your own nubile little slave girl? Mal She wanted to make me dinner. At least she's not cryin'. Wash Did she really make fresh bao 
bao
(a stuffed bun)
?

(off Zoe's look)

Quaint! Zoe Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again? Mal You know what, you all are makin' a big deal. I would appreciate it if someone on this boat would not assume that I'm an evil lecherous hwun dan 浑蛋
bastard
.
Zoe Nobody's saying that, sir. Wash Yeah, we're pretty much just giving each other significant glances and laughing incessantly.

(beat)

Is that cider? Mal By the stove. Wash Yum. I'll get you a refill, hwun dan浑蛋
bastard
.

Wash takes Mal's cup and stands. Saffron is suddenly there, snatching the glass firmly from Wash's hand.

Saffron That's for me to do.

Wash sinks back into his chair and gives Zoe a significant glance.

Mal You know, um... you weren't lyin' about your cookin'. If I hadn't already eaten... Saffron You don't want to finish? Mal No, I just -- um, I have captainy things to do. But truthfully, it was a fine meal. Thank you. Saffron Do you need anything else? Mal No. No. Um. You just... have somethin' to eat yourself, and uh, I will go captain -- Saffron If you're done with supper... would you like me to wash your feet?

Mal stares blankly for a beat, then swiftly exits. Wash pulls the plate of bao over to his side of the table.

INT. SERENITY - INARA'S SHUTTLE
Inara sits in front of a console, programming appointments.

Inara Beaumonde. City of New Dunsmuir. Arrival October 24th. Departure -- Mal (entering) Can I come in? Inara No. Mal See? That's why I usually don't ask. Inara What do you want? Mal (sitting) Oh, I just... needed a place to hide. Inara So I take it the honeymoon's over? Mal Oh, she's a fine girl, don't misread. A hell of a cook, too. Inara I'm sure she has many exciting talents. Mal Do you ever... wash your client's feet? Inara It's my specialty.

(beat)

We'll be on Beaumonde at least two weeks, right? Mal Mm. Can't exactly be sure. Inara Well, I need you to be exactly sure, Mal. I can't make commitments and then not keep them. That's your specialty. Mal I'm sorry. Are you tetchy because I got myself a bride or 'cause I don't plan to keep her? Inara I find the whole thing degrading. Mal That's just what Saffron said about your line of work. Inara Maybe you should think twice about letting go of Saffron. You two seem like quite a match. Mal Maybe you're right. Maybe we're soulmates. Inara Yes. Great. I wish you hundreds of fat children. Mal Aw, could you imagine that? Me with a whole passel of critters underfoot? Hell, ten years time I could -- Inara Could you leave me alone for five minutes, please?

Mal, slightly offended, gets up and leaves Inara's shuttle.

EXT. INARA'S SHUTTLE - DOOR
Mal is closing her door.

Mal (to Inara) I wasn't lookin' for a fight!

INT. SERENITY - CATWALK
REVERSE camera to reveal Jayne standing on the catwalk with a very large gun.

Mal Always do seem to find one, though.

BLACK OUT

 
Act 2
Some people ain't lookin' for flash

INT. SERENITY - CATWALK
Right where we left off, Mal and Jayne squaring off on the catwalk.

Jayne There's times I think you don't take me seriously. I think that ought to change. Mal Do you think it's likely to? Jayne You got something you don't deserve. Mal And it's brought me a galaxy of fun, I'm here to tell ya. Jayne Six men came to kill me one time. The best of 'em carried this.

(approaches Mal)

It's a Callahan full-bore autolock. Customized trigger, double-cartridge thorough gauge.

(beat)

It is my very favorite gun.

(holds it out to Mal)

Mal (beat) Da-shiang bao tse shr la duh too-tze大象爆炸式的拉肚子
The explosive diarrhea of an elephant
. You offering me a trade?!
Jayne A trade?! Hell, it's theft. It's the best damn gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It's miles more worthy than what you got. Mal What I got? She has a name. Jayne So does this. I call it Vera. Mal Well my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle. Jayne Well, damnit Mal, I'd treat her okay. Mal She's not to be bought, nor bartered, or borrowed, or lent. She's a human woman doesn't know a damn thing about the world and needs our protection. Jayne Well I'll protect her! Mal Jayne!

(beat)

Go play with your rain stick.

Mal walks away, heading down the stairs. Jayne grumbles and exits out of frame.

INT. SERENITY - CARGO BAY
Mal hits the bottom of the stairs and rounds the corner only to see,

Mal Gaahh!

Saffron lurking right there.

Mal You do sneak about, don't you? Saffron You're a good man. Mal You clearly haven't been talking to anyone else on this boat. Saffron I don't wish to be wed to the large one. I'd rather -- if I am not to be yours -- I'd rather have the work you spoke of. I could be useful on a ranch. Mal It's good work. My momma had a ranch -- back on Shadow, where I'm from. Ran cattle, mostly. Wasn't nobody ran harder or smarter. Used to tell me: don't brand the cattle, brand the buyer; he's the one likely to stray. Saffron She raised you herself? Mal Well, her and about forty hands. I had more family for a kid...

(beat)

Well that is odd. Saffron What? Mal I just don't... I'm not one talks about what's past, and here you got me... Saffron Does your crew never show interest in your life? Mal No, they're... they just know me well enough to...

(beat)

What about you? What's your history? Saffron Not much to say. Life like yours, I'm figure you'd find mine terrible dull. Mal Oh, I long for a little dullness. Truth to say, this whole trip's gettin' to be just a little too interesting.

INT. INTERGALACTIC CHOP SHOP
Closeup of a firefly schematic on a computer monitor screen.

Breed It's a wreck. Corbin No, this is good. Breed It's parts. A lot of cheap parts we'll never unload. Corbin This is why you'll never be in charge, Breed. You don't see the whole. The parts are crap. Breed I said exactly that. Corbin But you put it together you got a Firefly. Thing'll run forever they got a mechanic that's even half awake. Breed She's got no flash. Corbin Some people ain't lookin' for flash. She comes this way, you prep the nets.

INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE
Zoe and Wash are returning to the bridge, arguing.

Zoe Clearly she's out of her mind. Wash Well, she's let a sheltered life. Zoe Did you see the way she grabbed that glass from you? Wash Every planet has its own weird customs. About a year before we met, I spent six weeks on a moon where the principal form of recreation was juggling geese. My hand of god.

(beat)

Baby geese. Goslings. They were juggled. Zoe Of course. The man rushes in to defend her. Wash I'm talking about geese. Zoe Captain shouldn't be babysitting a damned groupie, and he knows it. Wash Okay, when did this become not funny? Zoe When you didn't turn around and put her ass back down on Triumph where it belongs. Wash Oh, hey! Now it's even my fault? Is there anything else on your mind that I should know about? There are all kinds of twists and cul de sacs. It's wild! Zoe She's trouble. Wash I'm getting that. Zoe I'm going to bed.

INT. SERENITY - CORRIDOR
Mal is walking down a corridor toward his quarters.

INT. SERENITY - Mal'S ROOM
Mal enters his room from the walkway above, idly unbuttoning his shirt as he walks farther into the room.

Mal (startled) Hey!

Camera pans left to reveal an obviously naked Saffron in Mal's bed, covered only by a sheet.

Mal You're, uh... uh... well, there you are. Saffron I've made the bed warm for you. Mal It looks, uh, warm. Saffron And I've made myself ready for you. Mal Let's ride right past the part where you explain exactly what that means. Didn't you see you got a room of your own? Saffron And I'm to sleep there? Mal That's the notion. Assuming you're... yeah. Sleepy. Saffron But we've been wed. Aren't we to become one flesh? Mal Well, no, uh... We're still two fleshes here, and I think that your flesh ought to sleep somewhere else. Saffron I'm sorry. When we talked I'd hoped, but I don't --

(moves to stand)

Mal Whoa, hey! Flesh...

(beat)

Listen, Saffron... it ain't a question of pleasing me. It's more a question of what's, um, of what's morally right. Saffron I do know my bible, sir.

(beat)

On the night of their betrothal the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plow. He shall work in her again and again, til she bring him to his full. And rest him then upon the sweat of her breast. Mal Whoa. Good bible. Saffron I'm not skilled, sir. Nor a pleasure to look upon -- Mal Saffron, you're pleasing.

(sits down)

You're... yep, you're all kinds of pleasing, and uh, it's-it's been a while -- a long damn while -- since anybody but me took ahold of my plow, so don't think for a second that I ain't interested. But you and me, we ain't married. Just 'cause you got handed to me by some hwun dan浑蛋
bastard
couldn't pay off his debts don't make you beholden to me. I keep trying to explain --
Saffron Let me explain. I lived my life in the maiden house waiting to be married off for trade. I seen my sisthren paired off with ugly men. Vicious or blubberous. Men with appetites too unseemly to speak on. And I've cried for those girls. But not half so hard as I cried the night they gave me to you. Mal (worried) Why? Is there blubber? Saffron I cried for I'd not dreamed to have a man so sweet. So kind and beautiful. Had I to dare to choose, I'd choose you from all the planets the night sky could show me. If I'm wed, I am a woman, and I'll take your to leave to be bold. I want this. I swell to think of you in me. And I see that you do, too. Mal Oh. That's-that's just, um -- Saffron Leave me at the nearest port. Never look upon me again. I'll make my way with the strength that you've taught me. Only let me have my wedding night. Mal Oh, I'm gonna go to the special hell.

They kiss. Mal pulls back reluctantly.

Mal I-I really, really wish it was that simple, but I...

Saffron pulls him back into the kiss, hotter than before. Suddenly Mal pushes back from Saffron, looking dazed. He looks at his hand awkwardly.

Mal Son of a...

Mal falls heavily to the floor, drugged to the gills.

Saffron Night, sweetie.

BLACK OUT

 
Act 3
Well, isn't that ... special

INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE
Wash is alone on the bridge, piloting Serenity.
Saffron enters.

Wash Well, if it isn't the master chef. Not sleepy? Saffron Am I allowed to be up here? Wash Well, sure. Why not? Not like anyone else is taking up space. Saffron I've never been off-world before. Wash It's beautiful, isn't it? Saffron It's like a dream. Wash Planet I'm from, couldn't see a one of 'em, pollution's so thick. Sometimes I think I entered flight school just to see what the hell everyone was talking about.

(re: Saffron shutting bridge door)

What are you doing? Saffron Now we're alone. Just us and the stars. No ship, no bellowing engines, no crew to bicker at each other. Look.

(pulls Wash out of his chair)

Do you know the myth of Earth-That-Was? Wash Not so much. Saffron That when she was born, she had no sky, and was open, inviting. And the stars would rush into her, through the skin of her. Making the oceans boil with sensation. And when she could endure no more ecstasy, she puffed up her cheeks and blew out the sky. Wash Whoa. Good myth. Saffron My whole life, I saw nothing but roofs and steeples and the cellar door. A few days I'll be back to that life and gone from yours. Make this night what it should be. Please? Show me the stars. Wash Woo duh ma huh ta duh fong-kwong duh wai-shuh doo我的妈和她的疯狂的外甥都
Holy mother of god and all her wacky nephews
do I wish I was somebody else right now. Somebody not... married, not madly in love with a beautiful woman who can kill me with her pinkie!.
Saffron I've been too forward. Wash No! Well, yes, but I actually like that in a woman. That's part of why Zoe and I are, as recently mentioned, married. Saffron I thought she didn't seem to respect you. Wash Not everybody gets me and Zoe at first glance. Did it get very hot in here? I need air flow. Saffron You love her very much. Wash (emphatically) Yeah.

(beat)

I never did meet anyone quite like Zoe. The, uh, the first time we met, she actually --

Wash turns his back to Saffron to open the bridge door. PUSH IN on Saffron's face as she rolls her eyes in disgust, then kicks Wash in the head and knocks him out cold.

Saffron rushes to the bridge and begins reprogramming the ship's navigation system, then shorts it out. She drags Wash out of the bridge, then seals the door with a kind of explosive sticky tape.

INT. SERENITY - CATWALK
Saffron is running across the catwalk toward a shuttle door. As she reaches for the door, Inara opens it from the inside and steps out, startling them both.

Inara Oh! Are you lost? Saffron I'm sorry. I thought the other shuttle was yours. Inara It is. I was on the cortex and my screen shorted. This one's out too. Saffron Looking for customers? Inara What were you looking for? Saffron I don't mean to be rude. A companion's life is so glamorous and strange. I wish I had the skill for such a trade. Inara Like to please your new husband? Saffron Oh he'll have none of me. For true I'm somewhat relieved. If I'm to learn of love, I'd like it to be at the hands of someone gentle. Someone who could feel what I feel. Inara But Mal said... you-you don't approve of my work. Saffron Sure'n he said that to keep you from me. I was too curious about you. Ever since I saw you... Inara Come to my shuttle. Saffron You would... you would lie with me?

Overhead, an alarm starts sounding, breaking the tension.

Inara I guess we've lied enough. Saffron You're good. Inara You're amazing. Who are you? Saffron Malcolm Reynold's widow.

Inara, slightly stunned, blocks a punch from Saffron. Saffron pushes Inara down violently and runs for the shuttle, shutting the door behind her, strapping in, and firing up the engines.

EXT. SPACE - SERENITY
Shot of the shuttle detaching from Serenity and taking off.

INT. SERENITY - CORRIDOR
Inara rounds a corner and ends up outside the bridge. Zoe is hovering over Wash, who is still on the ground.

Zoe Baby, wake up.

(to Inara)

He's bleeding! Wash There's no one in there. Kaylee (entering) What's going on?

Inara climbs down the ladder from the corridor.

INT. SERENITY - MAL'S ROOM
Inara sees Mal lying on the floor.

Inara (upset) Mal! Mal-Mal-Mal-Mal-Mal!

She runs to his side and kneels next to him, taking his head in her hands. Mal moans incoherently.

Inara (cont'd) Run-tse duh fwotzoo仁慈的佛祖
Merciful buddha
...

Inara kisses him in relief. Inara rises and hits the comm.

Inara Get the doctor, Mal's hurt.

(growing groggy)

He...

(realizing, touching her lips)

Oh... you stupid son of a --

Inara collapses next to Mal on the floor.

CUT TO:

CLOSE, BLURRY SHOT of Mal's face. Focus in as Mal wakes, looking around groggily.

Mal Is it Christmas?

REVERSE to REVEAL the entire crew tightly packed into Mal's room, watching him closely.

Simon Well, he's back. Mal What happened about me? Zoe Your blushing bride was a plant.

(re: Wash)

She took both of you out. Mal How did...? Simon Narcotic compound. Probably spread over a seal on her lips. You get it on yours, and pow. Zoe Lips, huh? Mal Well... Simon Yeah, we used to get a lot of guys brought in on the night shift at the ER. Usually robbed, very groggy. They called it the "good night kiss." Zoe So you two were kissin'? Book Well. Isn't that... special? Mal Wash, how did -- Wash Hey, I just got kicked in the head. Zoe My man would never fall for that jien hwa贱货
cheap floozy
.
Wash Most of my head wishes I had. Mal You guys don't understand. Book Seems pretty simple from here. You were taking advantage of her -- Mal I was the one being taken advantage of! Book My apologies. You were victimized, Wash was beaten, and Inara found you here. Inara (groggily) Then I fell. My head got hurt like Wash. Mal I don't get any of this. Inara (groggily) I only fell, is all. Mal What the hell's our status? Zoe We're shut down. Jayne and Kaylee are trying to get us on the bridge. Wash All we know is we're headed somewhere and it ain't Beaumonde.

The crew starts standing and moving out of Mal's room. Simon approaches Inara, who has been propped awkwardly on a bunk throughout the scene, looking like a rag doll.

Inara (to Simon) I'm-I'm fine. I don't need to be examined. I'm comfy.

INT. SERENITY - CORRIDOR
Jayne lights a blowtorch and pulls down a pair of goggles over his eyes. Behind him, we follow Kaylee as she turns around and jogs down the stairs to meet Mal and company.

Kaylee She didn't just lock it, she fused it to something. Both entrances. Mal Why the big act? What was she after? Book Beside the less-than-innocent captain? Mal You want to stow it, preacher? We're in some peril here. Zoe She can fly this thing, or just take the shuttle. Wash Maybe she likes shuttles.

(re: Zoe's look)

Some people juggle geese!

Jayne finally breaks through the seal on the doors.

INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE
Wash and Kaylee are on their backs under the navigation system, staring up at wiring with flashlights.

Kaylee She's a pro. Wash This is a masterful job of muck-up. See how she crossed the drive feeds? Kaylee Ya-huh. Wash So we even try to reroute, it'll lock down. Jing-tzai精彩
Brilliant
.
Kaylee She went straight for the thermal cap. Wash Yeah, yeah. We are so hung! Mal I'm glad you two are havin' a good time under there. Can we progress to the makin' it right? Wash That's not gonna happen for a long while, cap'n. Mal Well we don't have a good long while. We could be headin' straight into a nice big solid moon, for all we know. So, how's about we get to work? Kaylee Hey. It was your big make-out session that got us into this, sir. Mal I was poisoned! Inara You were drugged. Jayne That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth.

Long beat full of reaction shots while everyone processes this.

Mal Well what can you do? Wash Give us some time, we can get the cortex and nav comm back online. At least see where we're headed. Mal What about steering? Inara What about stopping? Wash She humped us hard. We're gonna have to do a lot of -- Mal Well do it. Doesn't help me to see where we're going if I can't change course. Kaylee This girl really knows her ships. Inara That's not all she knows. She's well-schooled. Simon What do you mean, the sedative? The "good night kiss"? Inara Well, I only hit my head, but Mal went through that. But, no... I mean seduction. Body language, signals. She's had training. As in companion. As in academy. Book Our little Saffron's quite a wonder. I'm beginning to think she married beneath herself. Mal How do you know -- about the training, Inara She tried to seduce me, too. Mal Really?

(beat)

Did she... did you... Inara You don't play a player. It was sloppy of her to try it, but I think she was in a rush. Mal Yeah but she had professional... So in my case, it was really...

(to Book)

You woulda kissed her, too. Zoe Wash didn't. Mal But she was naked! And all... articulate! Wash Okay! Everybody not talking about sex, in here. Everybody else, elsewhere.

INT. INTERGALACTIC CHOP SHOP
Back at the chop shop with the criminals, where a radar screen is beeping.

Breed They're coming! Corbin How far out? Breed Ten minutes or so, right on target. Corbin Speed? Breed A1. Corbin That girl's a wonder. Breed She gets it done. Tell the boys.

INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE
Wash is working on restoring the nav comm.

Wash Yes! Mal You got it? Wash Uh, we got light, we got screens. It's a qualified yes. A partial. Mal What about nav control? Kaylee No. Mal So where are we headed? Wash The coordinates she entered we're headed for something and it's not too far. Mal Did she signal anybody? Wash Uh... duh-ning mah等一会儿
wait a second
. She did. Same coordinates, no ID.
Jayne Who's out there? Wash Let me see if her signal wave can translate into a visual. There might be...

(looks at red blob on radar)

Electromagnetic interference, aiya!哎呀
damn
... bouncing the signal all over the place. Look at it. Looks like a circle.
Mal It's a net. Jayne I don't get it. Where we headed? Book The end of the line.

EXT. SPACE - ELECTROMAGNETIC NET
Slowly pull back on the giant net that houses our intergalactic chop shop.

BLACK OUT.

 
Act 4
You go get Vera

INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE
Right where we left the crew, realizing their fate.

Book It's a carrion house. Scrap shop. Takes ships, pulls 'em apart, or fixes 'em up. Wash Doesn't sound that scary. Mal That pattern you're lookin' at is a net. We fall into that we're more than just helpless. It'll turn this ship into one big electrical conduit and burn us all from the inside out. Book Some of the newer ones will just hold you, and then the scrappers will override the airlocks. Pull the O2 or just gas you. They're not lookin' to deal with survivors. Jayne One day you're gonna tell us all how a preacher knows so damn much about crime. Mal Kaylee? Kaylee I'm trying, sir. Mal Keep on it. We can't fall into that net.

(beat)

We're gonna need a Plan B.

Mal comes up with some kind of idea, walks across the bridge and hits the comm.

Mal (to Zoe) Zoe, get our suits prepped now.

(to Wash)

I figure we got one shot at this. Gimme a visual as soon as we're close. Wash It won't be long. Jayne What do I do? Mal You go get Vera.

INT. SERENITY - CARGO BAY
Mal, Zoe and Jayne are suiting up in their mylar space suits. Jayne is loading Vera.

Jayne She needs oxygen around her to fire and we don't have a case. Mal Gonna use a suit. Simon (bringing the suit) Here. We got it. Jayne What am I aimin' for, the window? Mal Well that might kill some folk but it won't short the net. See these six points where it's brightest? Those are the breakers. Hit one of those, should short it out. Jayne What do you mean "should"?

EXT. SPACE - SERENITY
Close on Serenity, then REVERSE camera to watch the shop fly past toward the net.

EXT. SPACE - ELECTROMAGNETIC NET
Pan across the glowing blue net.

INT. SERENITY - AIRLOCK
Mal, Jayne and Zoe are suited up and waiting as the airlock opens to reveal the net.

Mal You see it? Jayne Clear as day. See, Vera? Dress yourself up; you get taken out somewhere fun.

Long moment, then Jayne fires at the net.

INT. INTERGALACTIC CHOP SHOP
Interior of their digs starts shaking and sparking. Our two criminals dive for cover.

INT. SERENITY - AIRLOCK
Jayne fires Vera rapidly at the net.

INT. INTERGALACTIC CHOP SHOP
Our two criminals watch bullets pound into the walls. They trade a slow glance of, "Oh, shit."

EXT. SPACE - ELECTROMAGNETIC NET
We see the window of the shop EXPLODE outward and the bodies of the two criminals come flying out.
The blue sparks of the shorted net stop shooting just in time for Serenity to slip on through like a hot knife through butter.

INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE
Wash is looking triumphant.

Wash We got it.

Mal enters, looking hopeful.

Wash It's not pretty, but we can steer enough to turn the hell around. Mal Nice work, Kaylee. Kaylee Not soon enough to help. Mal Hey. Lot easier to pull things apart than it is put 'em right. Let's do the best we can at floatin'.

Mal kisses the top of Kaylee's head.

Wash Captain, didn't you know kissin' girls makes you sleepy? Mal Well sometimes I just can't help myself.

(beat)

Now, let's go visiting.

EXT. PLANET SURFACE - WINTER - DAY

INT. CABIN - DAY
Saffron, now made up and wearing revealing clothing, is packing when Mal bursts through the door with his gun drawn.

Mal Honey, I'm home.

Saffron freezes, then struggles with Mal. After a moment, he wrestles her onto the bed, pinning her arms and legs.

Mal Looks like you get that wedding night, after all.

Saffron rolls them off the bed and they hit the floor, her back on the bottom after another struggle.

Mal It's the first time, darlin'. I think you should be gentle with me. Saffron You gonna kill me? Mal Can you conjure up a terribly compelling reason for me not to? Saffron I didn't kill you. Mal You handed me and my crew over to those that would kill us. That buys you nothing. Saffron I made you dinner. Mal Why the act? All the seduction games, the dancin' about folk? There has to be an easier way to steal. Saffron You're assuming the payoff is the point. Mal I'm not assuming anything at this juncture. Saffron How'd you find me? Mal Only a few places that shuttle would make it to from where you left. Happy to find it intact. Saffron You're quite a man, Malcolm Reynolds. I've been waiting a long time for someone good enough to take me down.

Beneath Mal, Saffron does a little wiggle-shimmy-bump-and-grind.

Mal Saffron, you even think about playing me again I will riddle you with holes. Saffron Everybody plays each other. That's all anybody ever does. We play parts. Mal You got all kinds of learnin' and you made me look the fool without tryin', and yet here I am with a gun to your head. That's 'cause I got people with me. People who trust each other, who do for each other, and ain't always lookin' for the advantage. Saffron Promise me you're gonna kill me soon. Mal Aw, you already know I ain't gonna. Saffron You know, you did pretty well. Most men... they're on me inside of ten minutes. Not tryin' to teach me to be strong and the like. Mal I got one question for you. Just one thing I'd like to know, straight up. Saffron Ask me. Mal What's your real name?

Saffron stares at him for a moment -- it's not what she expected. Then, as she's about to reply, Mal knocks her out.

Mal You'd have only lied, anyhow.

INT. SERENITY - INARA'S SHUTTLE
A knock sounds on Inara's door.

Inara Come in. Mal (entering) Back on course. Be on Beaumonde a day or two late. Hope that's all right. Inara Should be fine, thank you. And does the vixen live? Mal Yeah, if you can call it that. All's well, I suppose. Inara Yes. Mal You're a very graceful woman, Inara. Inara (startled) I --

(beat)

Thank you. Mal So here's where I'm fuzzy. You got by that girl, came and found me. And somehow you happened to just trip and fall. Inara What do you mean? Mal How's about we don't play. You didn't just trip, did you? Inara No.

Hold on that -- it's an intense moment. They're standing close, tension thrumming...

Then, a big smile breaks over Mal's face.

Mal Isn't that something.

(beat)

I knew you let her kiss you.

Mal leaves Inara's shuttle, grinning as big as all get out. Inara stares at his back as he leaves, blinking in disbelief.

BLACK OUT

End of Show