Notes Episode information
Credits Details & Cast
Intro "Have good sex."
Act 1 "His eyes keep following me."
Act 2 "He's putting the hair away now."
Act 3 "There was some drinking."
Act 4 "Just keep walking, preacher-man."
I'm no good with words...don't use 'em much, myself

The episode takes place entirely on Higgin's Moon.


On the first day they land on the moon, find out their contact is dead. Jayne gets recognized. The next day is the Jayne Day celebration and Serenity leaves.

This episode covers two days.


Everything occurs on Higgin's Moon.

Transcribed by: Jesse (modifications by me)
Original Air Date: October 18, 2002
Written by: Ben Edlund
Directed by: Marita Grabiak
Jordan Lund
Gregory Itzin
Magistrate Higgins
Bob McCracken
Well-Dressed Man
Grabiak / Kolodziej *
Mudder Boy
Ronald Craig Williams
John Jabaley
Daniel Bess
Mudder Man
Zachary Kranzler
Fess Higgins
Laura Niemi
Kevin Gage
Stitch Hessian
Simon Brooke
Clement E. Blake
Mudder Elder
* This is the son of director Marita Grabiak. Her husband's name is Kolodziej. We don't know which son this is nor what his last name is.
Have good sex

Kaylee and Simon are standing on opposite sides of a corridor, talking.

Kaylee Come on, admit it, it's true. Simon No, I won't, because it's not. I use swear words like anybody else. Kaylee Oh, really? See, I never heard you. So when is it you do all of this cussin'? After I go to bed, or... Simon I swear when it's appropriate. Kaylee Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain't appropriate.

Kaylee, smiling widely, turns to see Inara crossing the cargo bay and climbing up the stairs toward her shuttle.

Kaylee (cont'd) Hey, there, Inara! Heading off for some glamorous romance? Inara (chuckles) Lets hope so. See you two tomorrow. Don't let Mal get you into too much trouble while I'm gone. Kaylee Bye, now. Have good sex.

Inara goes up the stairs.

Kaylee (cont'd)(re: Simon's look) What?

Crashing noise off-screen. Cut to Jayne in the infirmary, which is a shambles. He has tape around his midsection. Kaylee and Simon walk into infirmary.

Simon Oh! Kaylee Now, this would be the perfect time for a swear word. Simon What...happened in here? Jayne Needed to find some tape. Simon So you had to tear my infirmary apart? Jayne Apparently. Simon My god -- you're like a trained ape. Without the training.

Mal enters, sees the gun Jayne is strapping to his belly.

Mal Jayne. I told you we're setting down at the Canton factory settlement on Higgins' moon. Jayne Yep. That you did. Mal Canton don't allow guns in their town. Jayne Yes sir. That's why I ain't strapping one to my hip. Mal No. That's why you ain't strapping one anywhere. Jayne Oh, listen, Mal -- I was in Canton a few years back, I might have made me a few enemies thereabouts. Simon Enemies? You? No, how can it be? Jayne I just don't like the idea of us going in there empty-handed is all. Mal Why are you still arguing what's been decided?

Jayne looks at Mal, sighs, rips tape off his belly. Whimpers.


Serenity approaching planet.


Wash (on comm) Okay, Inara, we're atmospheric. You are good to go. Inara Thanks, Wash. Disengaging in three, two, one.

Shuttle disengages, Firefly lands on Higgins' moon. Crew gets out.

Simon Canton really...stinks. Mal That's what makes it such a great drop point. No one comes here that doesn't have to. Wash I vote we do this job really, really fast. Mal Kessler's our man. He's holding the goods we're to deliver. We go in, make contact. Easy peasy. Zoe, you're holding down the fort. Call ahead to Bernoulli, let him know we'll have his merchandise end of the week. Wash Don't I usually stay with the ship? Zoe I outrank you.

(kisses Wash)

Have fun. Simon So, this is a place where they... they make mud. Kaylee Yep. Clay really. You'd be surprised how many things it ends up in. Serenity's got more than a few ceramic parts in her. Simon Really? Kaylee Yeah. Simon Huh. Kaylee Captain, don't you think Simon should come with us? Simon What? Oh, Kaylee, I don't--I don't think that... Book You go on, boy. See the sights. I can watch over your sister. I believe we've been developing a rapport. Simon I--I don't know, River can be... Book Go on. I'm a Shepherd, after all. I should be able to keep my eye on a flock of one. Mal I'm not going that far, Doctor, and you might maybe make yourself useful. Jayne Come again?

Jayne is clearly wearing a disguise -- hood, goggles.

Mal The management here don't take kindly to sight-seers, which is why we're...

(Notices Jayne's getup)

...posing as buyers. There ain't a one of us looks the part more than the good Doctor. I mean, the pretty fits, soft hands, definitely a moneyed individual. All rich and lily-white, pasty all over... Simon All right. Fine. I'll go. Just stop describing me. Mal (salutes) You're the boss, boss. Jayne He's the boss now? Day keeps getting better and better.

Crew walks off, toward town.


Foreman Area's employees only! You best be getting back to the landing unless you have business here! Simon Yes. Yes, I, I'm looking. To buy some mud. Foreman Well, then.


Come to the right place!

He claps Simon on the shoulder, leaving a muddy handprint, and walks off, the crew following.

Foreman (cont'd) Of course we can handle any volume here. We have over 2,000 workers, mostly indentured. We pay them next to nothing, that way we can pass the savings directly on to you, the customer. Simon Savings? Uh, excellent. That's, uh, because, as I -- as I said before, I'm going to, um, I'm going to be needing quite a bit of it. I, uh, I-I'm a buyer. Foreman Yup, best of its kind. Uh, we mix it, we brick it raw, right here on the premises. Uh, you add the right catalyst, you kiln it proper, this stuff's ten times stronger than steel at half the weight. Simon Yes. Uh, I - I've heard, uh, great things, about the mud Wash (to Kaylee) What happened to Simon? Who is this diabolical master of disguise? Kaylee He's learning. Mal Excuse me, boss? I'm sure the foreman has things need attending. Why don't we wander a bit, take a look at the operation, then you can figure on whether we get an account here. Simon Yes? Yes. Yes, we'll, uh, we'll wander a bit. Foreman Fair enough. Come and see me when you're through.

The Foreman walks out of frame.

Mal All right, let's head to worker-town. Find our man Kessler, get this job done.

(Crew walks off)

Jayne Boy's going to get us killed. Let's just do this deal and get. Mal His disguise ain't half as funny as yours. Who're you supposed to be, anyway? Wash You haven't been here in years, Jayne. You really think you need that getup? No one's going to remember you. Mal I think it's possible they might.

Ceramic statue of Jayne. Legend: Jayne COBB. Long beat while they all take this in.

Simon Son of a bitch.


Act 1
His eyes keep following me

Right where we left off, with the crew staring at Jayne's statue.

Mal Jayne? Jayne Yeah? Mal You want to tell me how come there's a statue of you here looking at me like I owe him something? Jayne Wishing I could, Captain. Mal No, seriously, Jayne, you want to tell me? Jayne Look, Mal, I got no ruttin' idea. I was here a few years back, like I said. Pulled a second-story, stole a lot of scratch from the magistrate up on the hill. But things went way South. I had to hightail it. They don't...put you on a pedestal in town square for that. Mal Yeah, except I'm looking at some fair compelling evidence says they do. Simon This must be what going mad feels like. Wash I think they captured him, though - you know...captured his essence. Kaylee Looks sort of angry, don't he? Wash That's kinda what I meant.

A whistle sounds in the b.g.

Foreman Shift four on duty. Shift four on duty. Jayne Oh hey, I got an idea. Instead of us hanging around playing art critic till I get pinched by the Man, how's about we move away from this eerie-ass piece of work and get on with our increasingly eerie-ass day, how's that? Mal I don't know. This here's a spectacle might warrant a moment's consideration. Kaylee Everywhere I go, his eyes keep following me. Jayne Come on, gorram it. We got a job. Let's go do it, get the hell out of here. I crossed the magistrate of this company town, understand? He ain't exactly a forgiving sort of guy.


Inara Magistrate Higgins, I presume? Higgins You may, but I only make the people I own use my title. "Mister Higgins" will do fine.

(kisses her hand)

Inara And you can call me Inara, Mr. Higgins. Higgins It's a rare pleasure, your visit to my little moon. Journey wasn't too taxing? Inara Not at all. I'm refreshed and ready. Shall we begin at, say, 7:30? Higgins Perfect. I have a feeling it will take all your arts to deal with this particular problem. Inara Every problem, Mr. Higgins, is an opportunity in disguise.

HIGGINS points at Inara, walks away

River sits at the kitchen table. Book enters.

Book What are we up to, sweetheart? River Fixing your Bible. Book I, um, what? River Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics - doesn't make sense.

She's marked up the bible, with crossed-out passages

Book No, no. You - you can't... River So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's creation of Eden. 11 inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of 11 11 times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem. Book Really? River We'll have to call it "early quantum state phenomenon." Only way to fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat.

(rips out page)

Book Give me that. River, you don't...fix the Bible. River It's broken. Doesn't make sense. Book It's not about making sense. It's about believing in something and letting that belief be real enough to change your life. It's about faith. You don't fix faith, River. It fixes you.

(tries to take Bible pages from River; fails)

You hang on to those, now.

Crew sitting around table. A busker is strumming a guitar in the center of the room.

Jayne Can't be a statue of me. No reason for it. Flies in the face of every kind of sense. Mal Won't argue with that.

Wash gags, spits out what he's just drunk.

Wash Je shr shuh muh lan dong shi这是什么烂东西
What is this garbage
Jayne Mm-hmm. They call it "Mudder's milk."

(Wash gags)

All the protein, vitamins, and carbs of your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus 15% alcohol. Wash It's horrific. Simon Well, it worked for the Egyptians. Jayne What's that? Simon The ancient Egyptians, back on Earth-That-Was. Not so different from the ancestral form of beer they fed the slaves to build their pyramids. It's liquid bread. Kept them from starving and knocked them out at night so they wouldn't be inclined to insurrection. Kaylee Wow, Simon. That was so...historical. Mal (spots Well-Dressed Man; to himself) What's a gussied-up fellow like you doing in a place like this? Jayne (to staring boy) Shake your head, boy. Your eyes are stuck. Git!

The staring boy jumps and runs away.

Well-Dressed Man You wouldn't be looking for Kessler? Mal Just having a brew. Well-Dressed Man I knew a Kessler. Mal "Knew?" Well-Dressed Man He was a good middleman. Low profile. Didn't filch. Last week, the factory foreman and his prod crew heard he was moving contraband through town. Gave him a peck of trouble for it. Mal What kind of peck was that? Well-Dressed Man The kind where they hacked off his hands and feet with a machete, rolled him into the bog. Wash They peck pretty hard around here. Mal Listen, my client offworld is waiting for his delivery. If the goods are gone... Well-Dressed Man Not to worry. Your man's merchandise is here, safe in Kessler's hiding place. We just got to figure out how to get it across town without being seen by the foreman and his prods. I advise we all just lay low for a moment.

Well-Dressed Man leaves

Busker (starts to sing)

The man we call Jayne

Jayne Yeh-soo, ta ma duh耶稣,他妈的

He robbed from the rich and he gave to the poor
Stood up to the Man and he gave him what for
Our love for him now ain't hard to explain
The Hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne

Our Jayne saw the Mudders' backs breaking
He saw the Mudders lament
And he saw the magistrate taking
Every dollar and leaving five cents
So he said, "You can't do that to my people"
He said...

(singing continues)

Mal (over singing) Um...Jayne? Jayne Yeah, Mal? Mal You got any light you'd like to shed on this development? Jayne No, Mal. Simon No. This must be what going mad feels like.

Singing continues


Our love for him now ain't hard to explain
The Hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne.


Now here is what separates heroes
From common folk like you and I
The man they call Jayne
He turned 'round his plane
And let that money hit the sky.

Jayne Ohhh, I'll be gorrammed. That's where that cash went. I stole that money from Higgins just like the song says, lifted me one of his hovercraft. But I got tagged by anti-aircraft, started losing altitude. Had dump them strongboxes to stay airborne. Oh...60,000, untraceable. And I drop it right square in the middle of mud-farmer central. Wash We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm the hero! Mudders (singing)

The man they call Jayne!

Book loosens his hair and washes his face, getting ready for bed.

River Hello? Book In here, River. River I'm...I tore these out of your symbol and they turned into paper. But I want to put them back, so...

Book stands up from washing his face. His hair is out of it's usual ponytail. He looks like Albert Einstein after sticking his finger in a light socket.

Book I'm sorry, what's that?

River screams, runs away.

Book River? River, come back. Zoe Preacher, what the hell did you sic on...

(sees him)

Woah! Oh.

The singing has finally stopped.

Jayne Captain, now they're off the subject of me, shouldn't we be getting the hell out of here? Mal I'd say that's a reasonable request, considering the circumstances. Jayne Ruttin' mudders.

All get up from the table, walk our of bar. To crowd of MUDDERS, who cheer:

Mudders Jayne!!


Jayne Jayne Jayne Jayne Jayne Jayne Jayne!

Jayne runs back into bar.

Jayne Gimme some milk.

The bartender gives Jayne a jar. Jayne drinks

Mudder Man Don't you understand? He's come back! It's Jayne!

The Bartender swipes milk bottle from Jayne's hand.

Jayne What the..?! Bartender The Hero of Canton don't drink this shung mao niao熊猫尿
panda urine
. He drinks the best whiskey in the house!

MUDDERS cheer. Mal re-enters bar.

Well-Dressed Man What the hell's going on? This how people lay low where you're from? Mal Not generally, no. Well-Dressed Man Listen, friend. I came here to make sure a deal went down solid, not to get chopped up by the Canton prod crew and fed to the bog. Mal I understand your concerns, friend. This here's all part of our new plan.

Mal smiles, Well-Dressed Man walks off. Rest of crew has returned to bar.

Kaylee Captain, how exactly is this part...? Mal Still working the details.


Act 2
He's putting the hair away now

She's lighting candles, making tea. Higgins enters, a young man behind him.

Higgins Inara, allow me to introduce my son, Fess Higgins. Inara Hello, Fess. Mr. Higgins, this shuttle is a place of union. I'm sure you can appreciate... Higgins What is this? I brought you here to bed my son, not throw him a tea party. Inara Sir, the Companion Greeting Ceremony is a ritual with centuries of tradition... Higgins My son is 26 years old and he ain't yet a man. Twenty-six. And since he can't find a willin' woman himself... Inara Mr. Higgins, you're not allowed here. Higgins What? Inara As I've said, this room is a consecrated place of union. Only your son belongs here. Higgins Well, I'm... Inara Now, why don't you go on, and let us begin our work. Higgins Now listen here, young lady... Inara Good night, Mr. Higgins.

Higgins leaves. Inara continues, turning to Fess.

Inara (cont'd) Well, that's a bit more peaceful. Will you sit?


Mudders To Jayne! To Jayne! Jayne To me!

They drink. More cheering.

Jayne To the Mudders! Mudders To the Mudders!

Cheering continues.

Mal and Wash are sitting at a table nearby. A little ways away, Kaylee and Simon sit close together.

Simon (drunkenly) You know, I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I reattached a girl's leg. Her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a hamster. He drops a box of money, he gets a town. Kaylee Hamsters is nice. Simon To Jayne! The box-dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong-thing. Kaylee (laughs) You are pretty funny. Simon And you're pretty....pretty. Kaylee What did you just say? Simon I just said that you're pretty. Even when you're covered in...engine grease, you're... No, especially, especially when you're covered in engine grease.

Mal interrupts.

Mal It's time to get out of this nuthouse. Got some planning to work out. Kaylee Now, Captain? Things are going so well. Mal I suppose. Jayne's certainly feeling better about life, but... Kaylee I said, things are going well.

(meaningful look)

Mal Oh, "well."

(looks at Simon)

Well, I tell you what. Jayne is stuck here with his adoring masses - why don't you and Simon hang around and keep an eye on him for me.

They toast, Mal walks off. Kaylee smiles at Simon

Book is looking into River's hiding place under the Cargo Bay stairs.

River (O.S.) They say the snow on the roof was too heavy. They say the ceiling will cave in. His brains are in terrible danger. Book River? Why don't you come out? River No! I can't. Too much hair.

Zoe chuckles

Book Is that it? Zoe Hell, yes, Preacher. If I didn't have stuff to get done, I'd be in there with her. Book It's the rules of my order. Like the book. It symbolizes... Zoe Uh huh. River, honey? He's putting the hair away now. River It'll still be there....waiting.

Mal and Wash enter the cargo bay.

Wash Honey, we're home! Zoe Where you guys been? Mal, Bernoulli's chomping at the bit. Says he wants his merchandise yesterday. Mal Yeah, well, we still got a few wrinkles to work out on the deal. Wash Did you know that Jayne is a bona fide folk hero? Got a song and everything. Zoe Ho-tsuh胡扯
Get out
! You been drinking, husband.?
Mal That he has. Don't make it any less the case. Zoe You telling me that Jayne... Mal It's true. True enough -- We can use it, anyway. We talked a few pillars of the Mudder community into having a little Jayne Day celebration in town square tomorrow.

Wash cracks up, laughing

Mal (cont'd) It should buy us enough of a distraction to get the stolen goods out from under the foreman and his crew of prods. Zoe (to Wash) You're really going to have to start again. Jayne's a what?

Fess and Inara are sitting next to each other, taking tea.

Fess This whole thing, uh...it, it is embarrassing. My father's right again, I guess. And to have to bring you here, and... Inara Your father's not right, Fess. It's not embarrassing to be virgin. It's simply one state of being. As far as bringing me here, Companions choose the people they're to be with very carefully. For example, if your father had asked me to come here for him, I wouldn't have. Fess Really? Inara Really, Fess. You're different from him. The more you accept that, the stronger you'll become.

Inara takes off Fess's glasses, kisses him.


Jayne So, the magistrate, he let you folks keep all that cash? Mudder Man He did. And it pained him, that's for dead sure. When he found out, he sent his prods in to take it back from us, but the workers resisted. Jayne Fought the law, huh? Mudder Man If the Mudders are together on a thing, there's too many of us to be put down. So in the end, he just called it a bonus. Jayne That's one hell of a bonus. Mudder Man And then, when we put that statue of you in town square, he rolled in, wanted to tear it down. But the whole town rioted. Jayne You guys had a riot? On account of me? A real riot? Mudder Man I can't believe you're back. Jayne How could I stay away?

Jayne hugs the Mudders closest to him.

Magistrate Higgins is pouring himself a drink when the Foreman enters.

Foreman Magistrate Higgins... Higgins My son's out there I pray to God losing his cherry. Foreman There's a problem in worker-town, sir. Jayne Cobb's come back.

The Foreman and Magistrate Higgins stand outside what appears to be a storage area. Foreman knocks on what looks like a storage shed, unlocks it, opens the door.

Higgins Evenin', Stitch. Stitch (inside dark cell) What do you want with me? Higgins Nothing. Done your time, you paid your debt. It's time you were on your way.

Stitch comes out of the cell. He's missing one eye, has wild hair and beard. He has trouble standing. HIGGINS hands him a bag.

Higgins Here.... I believe these were your personal effects. Stitch You keep me in that box four years, you give me a loaded gun? Higgins You got the urge to use it, no doubt. But I'm not the one who brought you in on that robbery. I'm not the one who partnered up with you and then turned on you when his plan went South. How high up was that Shuttle when he pushed you out? 30 feet? Jayne Cobb cost you four years of your life plus a perfectly good eyeball. But here's the poetical portion - he's back in town. This very day. Best of luck in your new life.

Higgins walks off. Stitch cocks his shotgun.


Act 3
There was some drinking

Establishing shot.

Kaylee and Simon asleep together on bench. Mal approaches.

Kaylee (sleepily) Hey, Captain.

(wakes up more; sits up)

Captain! Simon Hey...Mal, uh, Mal... No, nuh-nuh-nothing happened. No, there was, uh, there was some drinking, but, uh, we, no we certainly didn't. No, I would never ! Not with Kaylee... Kaylee What do you mean, Not with me? Mal Yeah, uh-huh. Where's my hero?

Jayne enters from upstairs, his arm around a woman, and walks down to the bar area.

Jayne (singing)

My love for me now ain't hard to explain
The Hero of Canton
The man they call...ME

(speaking, now)

Eggs. The living legend needs eggs. Or maybe another milk. Mal No, the living legend needs to come with us. He's got a little appearance to make. Jayne He does? Mal That's right. This job here's gone way past long enough. Jayne Yeah, all right.

(To woman)

Well, you go on now, I've got me important hero-type stuff to do.

Mal gathers his crew and begins to walk off.

Kaylee (to Simon) Where you going? Simon I'm going with you. Kaylee Mmm, I don't think so. No, maybe you ought to stay here. It's about the time for a civilized person to have his breakfast. That's the sort of thing would be appropriate, don't you think?

Simon gapes. Rest of crew leaves.

Simon (sighs; to Bartender) Excuse me, could I see a menu? Bartender A what?

Inara and Fess are curled up in bed, post-coital.

Inara You're very quiet. Fess I'm sorry. I just...I just thought I'd feel... different...after. Aren't I supposed to be a man now? Inara A man is just a boy who's old enough to ask that question. Our time together....It's a ritual, a symbol. It means something to your father. I hope it was not entirely forgettable for you. Fess No, it was.. Inara But it doesn't make you a man. You do that yourself.

Suddenly there is a loud banging on door

Higgins Fess! Fess Higgins! Get out here!


Mal So, that's where the little "Jayne Celebration" we got planned comes in. Should give us enough time to get the goods back onto Serenity. Jayne I don't know. You think we should be using my fame to hoodwink folks? Mal You better laugh when you say that. Jayne No really, Mal, I mean, maybe there's something to this. The Mudders? I think I really made a difference in their lives. You know -- Me, Jayne Cobb. Mal I know your name, jackass. Jayne You know, they threw a riot on my account? A riot...

Wash and Zoe ride up on a four-wheel.

Wash Morning, kids! Zoe Is that Jayne? Is that really him? Wash, pinch me, I must be dreaming! Jayne Oh hell, I'll pinch you! Mal Just get on over to town square, Jayne. Your fans are waiting.

Wash, Zoe, Mal and Kaylee ride off, to a sparsely forested area.

Zoe Do you really think we can get this stuff cross town without being noticed? Mal Got to find it first. Here we go.

Camera pans down to reveal that the hill they are standing on is built over a large parcel.

Mal Let's get it dug up.

Fess is dressed. Inara is wearing a loose robe and pouring more tea.

Inara A criminal hearing? Fess Yeah, my father's ordered me to attend. You see, there's this man, uh...It happened when I was growing up here. He stole a ton of money from my dad, gave it to the poor, to my father's workers. He's become kind of folk hero in Canton. Inara Go on. Fess Well, he's back, apparently. He landed here yesterday. Inara Yesterday. Oh, no. I - I know this man. He just has this idiotic sense of nobility, you know? He can never just let things go. He thinks he's this hard-hearted criminal, and he can be unrelenting... but there's a side to him that's just so... Fess You mean you actually know Jayne? Inara Jayne? Jayne Cobb? You're talking about Jayne Cobb? Fess Yes, Jayne Cobb. The Hero of Canton. The only person I ever saw who stood up to my father. Inara I...


Fess My dad had him traced back to his ship. He had Port Control put a land-lock on it. Jayne will get back and find out that he's grounded. I sort of hate the idea of his getting caught. Inara Yes, that would be bad.

Simon examines the gruel he was served for breakfast.

Simon (clears throat) Could I just get the...the check...please...

Door opens, Stitch enters.

Stitch Heard tell you run with Jayne Cobb. Simon Excuse me? Stitch You going to take me to that dirty, low-down shingle of a man? Simon Listen, uh, sir... I don't know who...

Stitch grabs Simon, lifts him out of his seat, punches him.

Stitch Sir?! Look at me you pantywaist idiot!

(Kicks Simon)

I just spent the last four years steaming in a hot-box and you're Sir-ing me?

(kicks him again)

The folks say you're part of Jayne's team, so...

(picks Simon up; slams him against wall)

So, where is that no-good reptile hiding hisself?

(takes out knife; holds it to Simon's throat)

Tell me, boy, or I'll cut off every last bit of them good looks!

Simon reaches for a bottle on the ground, crashes it on Stitch's head. Stitch cuts Simon on his forearm, knocks him back to the ground.

Stitch (cont'd) Ohh, not done yet, young'un.

(Picks up Simon)

That's going to cost you an eye. Mudders (O.S.) (outside chanting) Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Stitch Come on!

Stitch drags Simon outside the bar.

The crew of Serenity rides up on loaded four-wheel.

Wash They love their boy. Mal Just drive by now, nice and slow. Mudders (chanting) Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Prod Come on, sir. Let's just get... Foreman Magistrate says no. We hold position. Understand me?


Mal Zoe, pack down the cargo. Wash, you heat up Serenity. We're blowing this mess inside half an hour. Wash Already there. Mal (to Kaylee) Let's go get our wayward babes.


Mudders (chanting) Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne!

Jayne walks through the crowd and stands in front of his statue.

Mudders Speech! Speech! Jayne Uh...I'm no good with words. Don't...don't use 'em much, myself.

(crowd chuckles)

But I want to thank you all for being here, and for thinking so much of me... Far as I see it, you people been given the shortest end of the stick ever been offered a human soul in this crap-hill 'verse....But you took that end... well, you took it. And that's... well, I guess that's something.

Mudders cheer.

Kaylee Wow. That didn't sound half-bad. Mal I'm shocked my own self.

Stitch shoots off shotgun, the crowd parts to reveal Stitch holding a beaten Simon.

Jayne Stitch Hessian... Stitch (chuckles) Well, hey there, Jayne. Thought I'd make you watch while I butchered me one of your boys. Jayne He ain't a one of mine. Where you been hiding? You gone and got yourself looking mighty hideous. Stitch (laughs) Yeah... Foreman (to Prod) Now Jayne gets his.

Kaylee approaches Simon, who is face-down on the ground.

Kaylee Oh, honey... Simon Kaylee?

She helps him up.

Stitch So, what's this about a "Hero of Canton?" Was I hearing that right? Four years of lock-down plays tricks on the ear. Jayne I ain't a hero, Stitch. Just a working stiff like you. Stitch (laughs) Yep, he's right. Jayne is. We used to work together, he and I.

(pulls gun on Mal, who has been approaching)

Now why don't you just let ol' Stitch speak his piece? Mal Go on, then. Stitch Whole lot of money in a Magistrate's safe, weren't there, Jayne? Got away clean, too! But then our plane took a hit, and we're going down. We dumped the fuel reserve, dumped the life support, hell, we even dumped the seats! The, there's Jayne, the money, and me. And there was no way he was going to drop that money. Mudder Man He did. He dropped it on the Mudders. Stitch By accident, you in-bred dung-head! He tossed me out first! For six months, we run together, he turned me out before I could scream! Jayne You'd have done the same. Stitch No, never. You protect the man you're with. You watch his back. Everybody knows that! Well, except the Hero of Canton. Jayne You gonna talk me to death, buddy? Is that the plan? Stitch This is the plan.

Stitch aims his gun, fires at Jayne. The Mudder Man who has been shadowing Jayne the whole episode dives between Jayne and the bullet. Crowd screams.


Act 4
Just keep walking, preacher-man

The Mudder Man lies dead in front of Jayne. Jayne throws his knife at Stitch, then charges him. They fight. Jayne slams Stitch into the ground. Crowd watches. Jayne notices the Mudder Man on the ground.

Jayne Get up...get up, you stupid piece of...

(rolls Mudder over; he's dead)

What did you do that for? What's wrong with you? Didn't you hear a word he said?

Mudder Boy approaches Stitch's body, removes Jayne's knife.

Jayne (cont'd) All of you! You think there's someone just going to drop money on you?! Money they could use?! Well, there ain't people like that. There's just people like me.

Boy approaches Jayne, presents knife. Jayne slaps knife out of Boy's hands. Turns, goes to Jayne statue, topples it.

Crew boards ship, Kaylee helping Simon walk, Jayne's hands bloody.

Mal (on comm) Wash, we're on. Get us the hell off of this mud ball. Wash Uh, yeah, I'm working on it.

Wash is frantically pushing buttons, trying to get the ship started. He sees the ship is land-locked on a small display.

Inara (entering) Hello, Wash. Has there been a problem with takeoff? Wash Go yang jong duh goo yang孤羊中的孤羊
Motherless goat of all motherless goats

(sees "Land-Lock released" on screen)

No. We're fine.

Inara smiles.


Higgins You did what?!? Fess I sent an override to Port Control. Lifted the land-lock on Serenity. Higgins I ought to wipe that smile off your head. How dare you defy me? Fess You wanted to make a man out of me, Dad. I guess it worked.

Shot of SERENITY lifting off and entering atmo.

Jayne leans on the catwalk railing, looking at the knife he used to kill Stitch.

River is looking at Bible, Book approaches.

River Just keep walking, preacher-man.

Kaylee is patching up the good doctor.

Kaylee You got to be steely. You can't be letting men stomp on you so much. Simon It wasn't exactly a plan... Kaylee You ain't weak. You couldn't beat them back? Or would that not be appropriate? Simon You're never letting go of that, are you? Kaylee Well, you confound me some, is all. I mean, you like me well enough, and we get along... and then you go all stiff. Simon (stiffens) I'm, I'm not, um, I didn't... Kaylee See! You're doing it right now! What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black. Simon It means more out here. It's all I have. I mean... My way of being polite, or however it's...well, it's the only way I have of showing you that I like you. I'm showing respect. Kaylee So, when we made love last night... Simon When we WHAT? Kaylee (laughing) You really are such an easy mark.

Mal joins Jayne on the catwalk, leaning on the railing.

Jayne Don't make no sense. What...Why the hell did that Mudder have to go and do that for, Mal? Jumping in front of that shotgun blast. Hell, there weren't a one of them understood what happened out there. They're probably sticking that statue right back up. Mal Most like. Jayne I don't know why that eats at me so. Mal It's my estimation that...every man ever got a statue made of him, was one kind of sumbitch or another. Ain't about you, Jayne. About what they need. Jayne Don't make no sense.


End of Show
End of Show